Do people with divorced parents handle dating differently than others?

[Anonymous]

My parents have a great relationship so i can't understand and i would like to find out. Especially if their parents broke up when they were kids-teens. I have met many that dont believe in love for example and i completely understand why. I remember this girl i met in a project and she didn't believe in love at all and had trouble with committed relationships. Also this guy, a friend of a friend that i went on some dates with who told me he liked me a lot and i could tell he was telling the truth (i also knew from a common friend that he indeed liked me a lot) but lost contact immediately when things were going really well. Do you think divorced parents' kids have trouble dating?

[Xoxocutekitty]

yes and no. On one hand, children of divorce are equally likely to be co-dependent as say those who grow up in unhealthy households where maybe the two people shouldn't have stayed married. I think children of divorce are a little more independent (depending on the age of the divorce), and that's simply the logistic part of always being with "one parent" at a time. There's bound to be more time that the one parent has to do sometime else on "their" time than if there is a chance there is someone else around. In these moments, the kid just has to learn to occupy themselves until the parent can give full attention again.

What kids do with that "independence of full attention" is entirely up to the kid and the parenting and what type of options the environment presents them with. I think it's more religion or culture that keeps people from separating physically, rather than mentally or emotionally. Just in some religions or cultures, it is okay to have family outside of a narrow (likely heteronormative) definition.

[AlienParasite]

It depends on the values the parents have taught the kid and how was the divorce. Also if the parents get new partners, the environment is different if those new partners are short or long lasting relationships. Besides the age the kid has when the parents get divorced would affect too.

In the end, are many variables. In real life I know many kids whose parents are divorced and are usually very pessimist about love. However, I know some who can commit and beign their parents divorced doesn't affect them at all.

To conclude I want to point that even some people whose parents are happily married don't believe in lasting relationships, and I feel it's more because of some new problems young generations has to face that oldest ones didn't had to.

[SjE78]

both my parents were bad examples but I believe it does depend on the examples of what those parents valued most and what those values were that were influential to their kids growing up

I for one saw my parents divorce as a good thing, they were both abusive and toxic before, during and after the split...

but whenever I was in any relationship or dating I put my all into each one...
so it may have meant my parents crap may have influenced my decisions to try harder or maybe it might have been I chose to do that despite their crappy ideals

[Logorithim]

That's a good question. My father is divorced from both my mother and stepmother, so I fall under this myself.

I think it affects me in several ways:

-I recover quickly from breakups
-I don't expect the relationship to be for life (doesn't mean I don't take it seriously, though)
-I'm very exogamous (will happily date someone from a very different background)

I don't have a problem with commitment or trust issues, though, and I do fall in love.

[needaladyfriend]

It could go many different ways depending on the kid and the morals that were instilled in them very young, how their brain accepts and processes information is a huge thing in that.. for instance. I've had 3 different father figures but NEVER a dad.. they were all abusive and my mom never listened to me about them. that made me turn out like this: it pleases me a whole lot to make a woman happy or help in any way I can that's useful. I'll never hit a woman and I'll never see it in public and not be hauled off to jail for messing the dude up a bit. But. I have a few trust issues because I always knew what the father figures were doing behind my mom's back. Now I look back I couldn't keep my marriage going because she was cheating and I let her get away with it with no action. Like leaving. Some cycles we can break easier than others but ALL cycles and barriers can be broken eventually

[ccp16]

I'm like you- I feel really crazy a lot of times because it feels like I am the rare occurrence of someone at my age with a healthy relationship with parents who still love each other.
I do unfortunately think it impacts them, although I am sure the degree can vary significantly. I do wonder if their are some people who are so wrecked by their parents divorce, our experiences are so different from each other we couldn't make a relationship work. But I couldn't say

[1CentWorth]

As an adult who was a child born out of wedlock because they divorced while pregnant, yes. As an adult, now, I still deal with rejection issues, distrust, and I am (naturally) nervous around women I find attractive. Marriage to me is meaningless (the piece of paper/ceremony/etc.) but I hold commitment in relationships. I am also partial for non-committal relationships as they are simpler and less painful in the end. So, if that's not normal, I'd say I was affected.

[gferg]

Honestly, I'm not sure. My parents divorced shortly before I was 10 but I took it pretty well because I knew I was going to see my dad again. So they divorced before I even started dating. I do have commitment issues but for reasons that don't involve my parents.

[Factshurt90]

Yes, unfortunately since I know so many divorced people I’m a little hopeless love works. I’m committed to finding it though. I just think these couples should have never married and weren’t willing to do the work though. I plan to find a life partner and love. We will work intentionally together on preserving our love.

[Wonderer89]

There are too many variables outside of witnessing a divorce to determine if someone would have more success with dating. My parents are divorced, it was messy and they were unkind to each other but it didn’t impact my success in dating; if anything it made me set my boundaries and deal breakers far more firmly to choose the best matches instead of wasting time on those who weren’t as suitable - simply because my parents weren’t a good match

[Boo_Boo_Bumpkin]

Well ya see we carry over are parents relationships into are own so if a kid sees that there parents argue and then leave each other cause there not happy they subconsciously just think well love means not being happy and then leaving so that's what they do

[Anonymous]

Honestly, It has made me not believe that true love exists. I am currently in a relationship now and my partner always says it seems that I don't love him and he may say this as a joke but deep down I wonder if I am even capable of loving. I do care deeply about him but
I also live my life expecting the worst from all my loved ones be it family or friends or my spouse. Because of my experiences.

[ItzYaboi]

Tbh this is a good question... but I don't think it makes that much of a difference. Everyone realizes that not all relationships work out in the end. I'm sure it has some impact but I don't know

[Toldol2]

No. It would have been very unfair then. Take two kids from the same family, same dad, same mom ; One is successful while the other one is a failure...

[nofunkgiven]

Yeah they have been scarred by it when they were younger, it has affected them so of course they can't see relationships like people with parents who are still together.

[PondyPand]

They can do. Divorces are stressful to the children as well as the parents, and can affect their social capabilities, which in turn comes into dating.

[MovingForward2day]

Awesome Question- my parents dated 3months. married 64 years. Still Together & Living. However. I’ve divorced a few times. So...

[EnocV]

Yeah.. you just need to reach out to them and help them to understand that there's hope.. and they just had a bad experience.. which they can change in their lives.. and show a healthy relationship and experience to his kids or her..

[LordSnuggles]

I think there are way too many variables to attribute it to a single cause.

[BigRob420]

Yes. Particularly men raised by single mothers in my experience.

[ClauseViter]

Don't believe in love
Don't believe in marriage
Don't believe in family

[MariaTheGreek90]

My ex she was from divorced parents and same reason why we broke up.

[BeHappy1985]

Yes they do, you will have trouble bonding.

[iamnash]

Yes they do