How do people date single parents?

[Anonymous]

Every time I meet a single parent, they are already so much in love with their children. Its like they don't have any more room to love someone else. They're so consumed being in love with their kids. Singe parents would always talk about how wonderful their child is, look at their child with rose colored glasses. Talk about how accomplished and loving their kid is even if the kid is the neighborhood bully. I just spoke to a guy and he spent 35- 40% of the conversation glowing about much he loved his son, how wonderful the kid is, brag about all his accomplishments, how wonderful fatherhood is. yea... all that stuff is great... but isn't my man supposed to show most of their attention to HOW GREAT I AM?

So its really hard for me to understand how some people are able to successfully date a single parent. Unless both partners are single parents. I just don't see how something like this can work out.

Now don't get me wrong. If the kid has an emergency , single parents have every right to cancel a date night. A child's safety and wellbeing is paramount. But how do you date someone who's attention/ love is only part time towards you?

[Anonymous]

No, they’re definitely not supposed to put you first. Their child comes first ALWAYS and that’s how it supposed to be. You’re always going to be number two and if you’re going to be with someone who has kids or even plan to have kids yourself you’ll have to mature your mindset and accept that fact. Once kids are in the picture, be it your stepkids or your own kids, you’re no longer number one. A good parent would never put their partner before their children. When/if you have kids you’ll (hopefully) understand. With that said this doesn’t mean they have to talk about their kids all the time like that or defend them no matter how they behave. That’s also not right. You probably can’t do anything to change that though. Some are like that. You could try talking to them and say it’s great they love their kids that much and they seem like an amazing and involved father but that you would like to talk about other things and sides of them and get know them more. Some will probably get defensive when told that though.

[Asker]

the problem is... how do you date someone when your heart is already taken away by someone else? there's no room for anyone else. you can't go on a date with someone then spend almost half the time talking about your kid.. if you love your kid that much, go on a date with your kid instead of me

[XHopelessRomanticX]

The first thing you need to understand when dating a single parent is that the kid is always going to come first. And that’s not a bad thing. It just means the relationship dynamic is going to be different. It’s not just their well-being they need to look out for, there’s a whole other person involved; their child. Understand that you’re not going to be top priority yet. However, if you’re serious about who you’re dating, embrace this season as a unique opportunity to have a glimpse into how they are as a parent. Ask yourself if you are ready to be a potential stepmom.

But if the situation bothers you too much, maybe you shouldn’t date someone who’s a single parent. Dating for two is tough, in this day and age. I imagine dating for a crowd is downright complicated. Good luck!

[Asker]

you're not understanding the point of my question. Yes, the kid coming first is a good thing. But its not a good thing when it comes to the romantic partner. And so far, you haven't acknowledge this. This was the reason why I asked this question.

how do you go on a date and spend almost half the time talking about how much you are in love with your kid?

[Asker]

maybe if you loved your kid so much, you should go on a date with your kid instead

[XHopelessRomanticX]

That’s just what most parents do. They talk and talk about their kids.

[Asker]

you shouldn't be dating anyone if you're more in love with your kid than your romantic partner.

[Asker]

why would you hangout with second place person if you are already in love with your first place child?

[XHopelessRomanticX]

That’s what proud parents do. Mom and Dad go on a date, they’re going to talk about the kids.
But there is one other possible explanation for their lack of attention towards you…they’re just not that into you.

[Asker]

@xhopelessromanticx

no... this is what goes on for most single parents that I've dated. I've went out with more than 1.

[Asker]

[That’s what proud parents do. Mom and Dad go on a date, they’re going to talk about the kids.]

they're not. they're gonna only focus on each other so they can strengthen their marriage. you can't strengthen a romantic relationship if you are so preoccupied with your kids.

[MementoMori777]

Can't judge someone off one conversation, at some point he will run out of on what to say about his son, then who you think the conversation will be about lol

[Asker]

when you love your kid so much, you never run out.

[MementoMori777]

If he has a woman infront of him, at some point it will, trust me lol

[Asker]

haha you're inexperienced...

[MementoMori777]

Oof, it's that noticeable I see 🙃

[Berethor]

I don't want to raise another man's child, but children are the future, so the priorities are right.

[Asker]

i don't want to raise someone else's child either. nobody should have the right to just abandon their child to let someone else raise their child.

[Berethor]

Yea people that abandon their child are bad. Single moms bring too much baggage.

[DizzyDesii]

If i were a single parent, I would definitely put all my focus on the kid until they were at least in high school before I’d consider looking for love. But yea I could date a single parent whose open to love as long as they only have one child and that child is potty trained. I would prefer the kid be under the age of 7 because they wouldn’t be as bratty to their parent dating someone but who knows 🤷‍♀️ I’ve taken care of other peoples kids for a good while and would easily love them as if they were my own. I gave my mom and her boyfriends a very hard time when she was dating when I was age 5-16 so I can’t be surprised if someones kids gave me the same challenge

[Asker]

I just don't get how some people can go on a date with a single parent and just listen to them spend almost half the time talking about how much they are in love with their kids.

[DizzyDesii]

Im completely open to it because i want to be with someone whose passionate about parenthood whether they are already one or not. Bt they also have to be open to having at least one more child (with me down the line)

[Asker]

so you would be happy to date someone who is more in love with their kid than in love with you?

[DizzyDesii]

The kid should be top priority especially in rescue situations. But as long as they have room in their heart for me, I can get past that. Because when we have a kid together, we’re gonna agree to put our kid above us as well. We’d still do everything we can to give eachother love and attention but we are going to ensure our child feels just as much love

[Asker]

no... this is them constantly talking about how much they love their kid half the time on every date even when the kid is not in danger

[DizzyDesii]

I kind of get what you mean. But tbh, I have been baby crazy since the age of 3 so this wouldn't bother me. Now lets say this was about pets. Im not an animal person so I’d refuse a 2nd date because I’m not looking to talk about Fido and Spot all damn day

[Asker]

@dizzydesii

every date i've ever been on with a single parent - I've seen them talk too much about their kid.

[Asker]

nobody cares if your son is great at reading books. nobody cares if your son got 100 on his latest exam. nobody cares about how you took your kid to the library last week.

[DizzyDesii]

We do care. Because we genuinely like kids. Im saying this, but not to insult you... you don’t sound like you’d want to be a parent or at least not a step parent so thats why you don’t fully get it. And thats totally okay. Just date men who are single but not parents

[Asker]

I'm actually planning on having a baby in 4-5 years. Yes, I do want to be a mother. But it doesn't mean I want a guy who can only be 50% in love with me because his heart is already taken by someone else.

[Asker]

Its like husband and wife. Your spouse is supposed to be number 1 in your life. Damage to the marriage starts to begin when you value your kids more than your spouse. why do you think married couples make it a point to go out on date nights AWAY FROM THE KIDS? Because this is the only way they can strengthen their marriage. You can't strengthen your relationship if you are always preoccupied with the kids.

[Danny_dan92]

I would only date a single mother if she truly was single. None of this sneaky link ups with the baby daddy when they exchange their child for the weekend

[Ben487]

yeah its hard. That's why you should aim for a guy with no kids.

[Anonymous]

I dated a single parent with no problem at all. I can't see what the issue is.