Guys answers only, please I need advice?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and we spoke on the phone 2 nights ago. He said to me that he really wants to make things work with me again and get back together but doesn’t know where to start or how to get it back to where it was. I gave him suggestions such as starting over fresh, or dating for a month to see how it goes and he said he doesn’t know. The last thing he told me was he will give me an answer sooner than I think…. What do you think about this?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think y'all should both have a good proper discussion and communicate very well, have a serious conversation on what didn't work out before and what caused the relationship to fall and after communicating to such a level then y'all might be able to start again and maybe properly click this time and make changes and adjustments where it needs changes and adjustments so y'all can make it work, personally I've never been a fan or would want to move backwards but I'd say if y'all are going to move backwards and not move on from each other and wish to try again, do it right.

[Asker]

Hey, we broke up because of my insecurity issues and my arguments. He gave me many chances but I kept breaking all my chances so he’s scared to try again with me but I honestly feel like I learned from the break up and want to try again I’m scared he will call me and say no.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well if he does say no then you go back to plan A and that's move on, just work on your insecurities and remember that if he chooses to love you again then he loves you for the way you are and there's nothing you should be insecure about, the thing is that if you do feel insecure at some point, you'll most likely hide it from him and if he notices he will see you are hiding something from him and will assume it's something else most likely and then it might lead right where you are now, to a breakup so I believe the healthiest thing he can do is accept your insecurities and flaws and love you for the way you are, if he's not willing to do that then I wouldn't see a point, at the same time you put effort to slay your insecurities.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Something I've learned is that if y'all aren't incompatible with each other, sometimes it's not worth the effort to try to be, hopefully things work out tho

[Asker]

Thank you very much. When he said that he will give me an answer sooner than I think… does that sound like a positive thing to you or no? And how long do you think that will take him?

[ChicoFromThe305]

That is something I won't know but if I had to guess I wouldn't say it's a good or bad thing, it means he has to debate himself about it, which can also be him preparing himself to accept you as well so it can go either way tbh

[Asker]

Ok thank you

[ChicoFromThe305]

💯💯

[Asker]

Lastly, should I stop contacting him to give him space or should I still reach out from time to time?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think you should give him space to think about it and not smother him, it might pressure him into the wrong decison otherwise, although I'd say after enough time, if he doesn't give you an answer, don't wait too long and either confront him on his answer or just move on.

[Asker]

Ok thanks

[OlderAndWiser]

Unless you know the secret of time travel, you can never go back to the way it was before. You can't undo and forget about everything that has transpired. Quite often, a guy wants to come back because he misses the sex. Are you willing to go through all of this again just to get laid a few times?

[BarryLiverstone]

My initial thoughts are he misses that magical ~ 2 month phase in the beginning of your relationship and wants to go back to it.


Now I have no idea how long you dated or why you broke up. Do you!

[Asker]

Yea we broke up because of petty arguments mostly from me and my insecurity issues. He dumped me

[Asker]

He said he’s scared that it would keep repeating

[Asker]

He wants to give the relationship another chance but is scared that my cycle will repeat. I feel like I learned from the breakup and will do better though

[BarryLiverstone]

In that case the burden is on you to prove you have matured and will not repeat the cycle. And when tempted you have a healthier way to cope. I can see why he is unsure it will work because of this.

What steps have you taken to put to bed your insecurity?

[Asker]

Right now I’m trying therapy. My thing is how do I show him I’m changing for the better if we barely communicate? Do I give him space or what do I do?

[BarryLiverstone]

You can’t control when he will call and what his decision will be. So don’t let that anxiety ruin your new years weekend.

Tell him the details of therapy and show him any tangible progress made. Also ask your therapist for advice. I doubt they would allow him to join you for a session but it doesn’t hurt to ask

[Asker]

He said he will give me an answer sooner than I think. Is that a good sign or not sure?

[BarryLiverstone]

Not sure

[Djaay]

Sounds like he's weighing his options first and right now your on the back burner waiting. If nothing pans he'll give a decision.

[Asker]

What do you mean by that?

[Djaay]

He's looking around at better choices or he's laying to think hard at his decision