Boyfriend got mad because I still feel hurt about what he did, am I in the wrong?

Question

So he broke a very important promise and ruined my trust in him. It’s been less than a month since we talked about it and while we were chatting today, I brought up that I still feel hurt about what he did but I’m glad we both agreed to work on it (and that I’m still happy in this relationship). Then he flipped out and said that I should never mention that I’m still hurt ever again bcs I also did things that hurt him in the past but he managed to forgive me.

I was confused bcs I already told him that I’ve forgiven him but that I still have unprocessed feelings of hurt (which I thought was normal). He also still brings up my mistakes from the past during every single argument and yet he claims that he has forgiven me for all of those mistakes. I don't know, I feel like people have different timelines on how much time they need to heal from a broken trust. I never pressured him to forgive me, I worked my ass off to gain his trust back.

I never cheated by the way, but I did say some really hurtful things to him back then that broke his trust. I went to therapy, did a lot of self reflection, never pressured him to forgive me but he won’t do the same for me… He’s now being distant and refusing to meet up bcs he needs space, idrc I’m not gonna chase after him and I’ll let him have his space so I can have some quiet time by myself.

But I keep asking myself, am I in the wrong here…?

TLDR: boyfriend is mad bcs I don’t forgive & forget as fast as he does (even tho it’s only been less than a month) and he still brings up my mistakes from the past during every single argument

rosemilk · Accepted Answer

sounds like a lot of pent up resentment between the both of you, which isn't good. never leave feelings unprocessed. it is okay to still feel hurt, but that should have been processed a month ago when it happened. it seems like you didn't completely let it go and let him know 100% your thoughts and feelings. that fight is still unresolved, which leads to resentment later on. which is why we are here now.

but he did not need to react like that at all. he has no control over how you feel or how that made you feel, even if it was a month ago.

just seems like multiple fights have been unresolved or swept under the rug and never really talked through and never processed or fixed or helped.

it seems like you're the only one who truly cares, reading this. because you were looking for ways to help your relationship and yourself, by going to therapy (which is a big step)

but yeah right now i'd say just spend a day apart to compose yourself and then you two really need to talk this out and not let this happen again. talk it out and communicate, it is the only way to resolve or understand each other. and if he still doesn't accept that you two have different healing times, then you need to move on

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

You Both Have NOT MOVED ON---From The past. Not Sure What He Did to Make You Not Trust Him but If Was That Bad, I Hate to Tell You, You Will Forgive Him But never Forget Tit and Trust Will Be hard to gain Back. Whatever His Problem Is With You, Nothing you Say or Do will Do. xxxoo

boggboss · Accepted Answer

What's the point of trying to get back with him if u will bring up what he did either u guys stay together and u move on or you don't and u end things I'm not even saying u should get with him but if u do bringing it up will just cause drama in the relationship

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Is this the guy who you want to be the role model for your future sons?

Demonatrix · Answer

You are not in the wrong. Talking about how you feel openly and honestly let's everyone know where they stand. Talking helps to understand what need to be worked on to help improve the relationship. Take this time to really think about what you feel about this relationship and how you want to proceed.

nawtee_me · Answer

No you have not forgiven him! To forgive does not mean to forget but it does mean you don’t bring it up or throw it back in his face. In words maybe but in your heart you have not.

genericname85 · Answer

why does one stay with a person that wrongs one in such a bad way that it takes months to forgive?

Paul09 · Answer

Why do grown a$$ adults have a hard time communicating? Or acting like baby's when they are in the wrong.. Takes a real man or woman to own their mistakes. But then again what was this promise?

Account · Answer

I am going to ask you a simple question. If you had a daughter, would you want her to be with a guy like the one you are currently in relationship with?

LazerBean · Answer

When relationships are not working, just like yours isn't working, then break up and do better with the next relationship.

laly520 · Answer

seems like a blockade may result in breaking up permanently

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Well if keep bringing it up or can't get over it why you together

Amara_09 · Answer

He needs to give you time to heal.

Anonymous · Answer

Reread your opening sentence. That right there says it all.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You sound pretty toxic.

jahaims · Answer

He is immature or a narcissist

abc3643 · Answer

He needs to go. Transition him to Ex-BF status.

Zestyassmf1997 · Answer

This relationship isn’t gonna work.

jimmy2 · Answer

Well you both have to work it out

OtterMan68 · Answer

he's immature

Boyfriend got mad because I still feel hurt about what he did, am I in the wrong?

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Boyfriend got mad because I still feel hurt about what he did, am I in the wrong?

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