Is this a good reason to be mad at my boyfriend or should I forgive him?

[Anonymous]

He messaged me to come over after work, saying he would leave his door unlocked. He said he would take a nap. So after work I went to his place and found he did not leave the door unlocked for me. It was late I called him ten times and texted him but no response. I didn’t ring the bell because he had roommates and his landlord didn’t allow visitors but they were on vacation. So I was afraid his roommates would snitch. It was dark outside and cold. Next day I completely ignored him, he tried to call and text. I was angry because this wasn’t the first time. He had said he unlocked the door three previous times and didn’t. Each time I’d be mad. But he didn’t care enough to do that. Do you think I should forgive him? Lately I’ve been feeling like he’s not unappreciative of me and I feel he did this on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Ok first of all his roommates could have locked the door. I know before I turn in for the night I always check the doors. Second if this has happened 3 times already you think you would learn by now not to put yourself in that same situation. You should have just left, drove home. I would have texted or called before I went to his place to see if he’s awake. Third what is his day like that he needs to take a nap? Does he work 8-5 or something? I think if you didn’t have a car or something he should have went to get you. I think as a man you should never leave you’re girl out late at might like that unattended. So he should have woke up maybe 15-30 minutes before he knew what time you would arrive. I think you have a right to be mad, but at the same time you put yourself in this situation again after 3 previous times. So you can’t really be that mad about it.

[Asker]

Yes you’re right. But sometimes if I call him and he doesn’t pick him, he will text me “where are you?” And stuff and get mad I’m not over. He doesn’t drive and you’re right he works 9-5.

[Asker]

I’m more mad because I feel unappreciated. I clean my boyfriend’s room sometimes, I always offer to pay for food, and I do, I treat him so well I’m loyal. I surprise him with snacks. But he’s saying the only time I spoil him is on his bday. Now I’m looking at basement apartments for us. And he expects more and more

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so why doesn’t he drive? I take it he’s about your age which again why doesn’t he drive? I could see if you two were teens or something as far as why he doesn’t drive, but not in this case. I’m thinking ok he gets off at 5, maybe home by 6. Why can’t he take a nap at 7? Still gives him 3.5-4 hours to take a “nap” then still wake up to be there to let you in. To me that many hours isn’t a nap, but I guess it is to him. A nap to me would be an hour. I think it’s time you found someone new.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to move on. I don’t even understand at his age why wouldn’t you have your own place. No it doesn’t sound like he appreciates you. He does it cause you keep doing all those things w out expecting more. I don’t mean as in a good digger but it’s like damn man you could at least try to help make things better for us as I’m doing. Sounds like he’s using you.

[Asker]

Yeah I mean he spam called and texted me today, but I just ignored it.

[Opinion Owner]

Why are you even w him? Don’t you want something better in life? I mean shit you have a man but your life isn’t much different than the life you provide for yourself.

[Asker]

I mean he was really sweet but that was mostly in the beginning of the relationship. He texts and calls everyday he also wants to see me everyday

[Opinion Owner]

Really sweet doesn’t get you onto a better life. I don’t get why he has roommates at his age? I get it, it saves money. But too I guess I’m just different that I’ve always had my own place when I was old enough to be on my own. Do you have kids? Married before? What about him?

[Asker]

Yes I know what you mean, but I make more than him and also I’m attached to him. I don't know what to do

[Opinion Owner]

Why are you attached to him? Don’t want to be the bread winner your entire life? Most women don’t. How long have you been w him?

[Asker]

Oh it’s cuz he start over, he’s only been in this country for two years. No kids and never been married. Him also.

[Asker]

I’ve only been with him for 5 months. He says he’s never been in love before, only with me. Yeah but I’m a nurse so I think it’s hard to make more than me as my job is in demand.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok but two years is a good amount of time. Especially if you’re not married or don’t have kids. Has he shown an initiative as far as doing things to get to something better? Like working OT. Looking into schooling, programs. Things to better his life?

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Again do you want to be the breadwinner all your life? For the duration of both your lives? Or would you rather have a family, marriage, kids? To stay home maybe, take care of your family. I work myself, the only one. My girl hasn’t worked for the last 14 years. We’ve been together for 16. I work in medical as well. Maybe make half of what you make but I do other things on the side as well.

[Asker]

Yes he actually has a university degree from his country. But he tried to return to school here and he didn’t plan it well so he was overwhelmed. So he plans to go back next year.

[Asker]

Yes I don’t know what to do I actually don’t want to be the bread winner and I always expect the man to do more and pay more and be the provider but I’m in love with him

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so then you continue to endure all that if you love him. I’m not sure if he will change much. Too me 2 years is a good amount of time. How much does he make?

[Asker]

He makes $24

[Opinion Owner]

I only make about $30, but too like I said I do mother things on the side. It’s been like this for a number of years. I’m fine w it. Doesn’t sound like he’s doing much to try to better things for the two of you. Have you had many relationships in your life?

[Staximus]

Maybe his roommates locked the door after he fell asleep. Go over there before he falls asleep next time

[Asker]

Yeah he said his roommate locked the door but I feel betrayed when I’m over and the door is locked. I can’t be over earlier because I am off at 11 pm

[Staximus]

And what is this "landlord doesn't allow visitors" bullshit?

[Asker]

Oh his landlord did not allow people to sleep over. Just my boyfriend would sneak me over before and got caught by his landlord. But now they are on vacation

[Staximus]

Unless he signed a rental agreement saying he won't have people spending the night, the landlord can't tell him shit like that

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what he said because he did not sign a contract. But he said we were being disruptive at night

[Asker]

That’s why the landlord caught me and she was being physical with me

[Staximus]

Does he live in the landlord's house with the landlord or something?

[Asker]

Yes he does

[Staximus]

Well he needs to stop being a bum and get his own place then it at least share a house with normal people

[Asker]

Yes so we are trying to find a basement apartment to go 50/50

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the eternal dance of love and door locks! First things first, your feelings are completely valid. If this door debacle is happening repeatedly, it's waving a little red flag saying, "Let's talk about expectations!" How about sharing your concerns with him in a calm, loving manner, reinforcing the importance of feeling valued in the relationship? It's not just about the lock—it's the message behind it! Maybe give him a chance to explain and see if he's willing to change. If his intentions were innocent, forgiving might open the door (pun intended) to better communication! 😘🗝️

[Nikki1989]

It seems like a trivial thing to be mad over.