My boyfriend got mad at me for getting mad at him - was I really in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

So this is kind of a "who's right?" deal. I got mad at my boyfriend then he got mad at me for getting mad at him. Who was right in this situation?

Background - we have a child together. Said child has had a lot of health issues and is a known visitor to the hospital/ER. Well, yesterday I had to take them back to the ER again. My boyfriend had no part in going. He told me he was going to work. He told me even if we got admitted again, there was no point in him going too because he couldn't do anything. He said it wasn't an emergency and the hospital was too far anyhow so he wasn't wasting time driving there after work. I would be alone at the hospital with our child for the night.

Well, that made me mad enough, but it gets "better". Tonight, a family member of his got taken to the hospital. It was not for anything life or death. They mostly just went to get something checked out and have some tests. It was precautionary. He literally dropped everything and ran off to the hospital leaving me alone with our child.

I asked him what he could do tonight. He asked what I meant. I was like well, funny to me you told me you couldn't do anything for our child in the hospital so you weren't coming. So what makes this any different? You can't do anything for them either. He got mad and said he couldn't believe I went there and said that. He said this was different because the drive wasn't as far and they didn't know what was even wrong with the family member. Yeah? And? You couldn't ask someone to call you with an update then go if it WAS serious?

I failed to see how he justified going to the hospital for someone else but not our child. I had been mad about unrelated things too (not involving us), so he just said I was taking that out on him. No, I wasn't. I just genuinely wanted to know how the two situations were different and why our child wasn't important but this was.

So was I right or wrong to be angry? Should he have gotten mad at me for what I said?

[Anonymous]

I think you were wrong. You said it was precautionary, so more like maintenance. Now if the medical staff told you we need to operate right away then I’d call him, let him know what’s going on. I’m sure he would have left work at that point. If not than he’s not that good of a father. I don’t know either if you both work. Maybe you do but do you both work full-time. Most times when you’ve taken your child to the hospital has it always been ok? Or was there many times where it was something major?

[Asker]

It was precautionary for the other relative. Our son had a known reason for going. He just said it wasn't important even if we would have had to stay overnight. He was not going to "waste time" driving to be with us.

If it was urgent, yes he should have went to be with them. But it wasn't. He had no reason to say THAT was important when our child apparently wasn't. He shouldn't have went to be with the other relative either since he couldn't do anything there either and that was also not an emergency.

We both work full time. Our child has had a lot of health problems and has required hospital stays before. Some of the times we've gone to the ER, we luckily did not have to be admitted.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s hard to say w out being in his mind. Maybe it came out wrong, maybe he was tired, frustrated. A lot of things could have been going on. I’m not justifying what he said or did but it would be easier to understand why he acted this way. Does he see his family a lot?

[Asker]

Yeah he does. This family member is routinely visited. He had no excuse for this at all. Our child should have the same priority.

[spartan55]

Great choice you made on that guy. I'm sure he's been a turd all along and you just put up with it.

[Anonymous]

If you both always like that when you have problems together, you both should jus be single. You both aren’t ready for relationship.

[Asker]

So I was wrong for thinking he should have came when our child went to the ER? I was wrong for thinking it was kind of crappy he went for this family member when it was not an emergency?

[Opinion Owner]

He said he was going to work, for me ideal partner is if 1 of the couples work out side to earn money, the other at home taking care of kids and family. Especially it’s not an emergency and far away from his place. But if you both work, i can understand why would you mad at him.

But if only him work to making money, i can understand why he didn’t not come.

But people who got mad because their partner mad at them aren’t ready for relationship, relationship is a team. Not just sex partner.

[Asker]

Yes. I want us to be a team. I talked about this with him just the other day. He wasn't helping me with our child and I told him we were supposed to be a team and I'd appreciate it if he could help more evenly.

We both work. He also has good standing at his job. He's missed before for our child and they totally understood. They accepted his notes to show where he was and did nothing. They did not punish him. He wouldn't have been punished for this either.

[Anonymous]

You were in the wrong.

[Asker]

How so? For thinking our son was just as important as the other family member? All he did tonight was sit in the waiting room for hours waiting on results. He did nothing else. So how was that necessary for him to be there when other people were? He didn't need to tag along. He could have been updated over the phone.

[Opinion Owner]

If it wasn't an emergency, there's no reason for him to loose a day of pay.

He said he didn't know what was wrong with the family member. It could have been an emergency.

[Asker]

Um it wasn't by any means. It was a precaution thing. I clearly stated that. If we had to stay overnight, there's no excuse for him to tell me he wouldn't come down after work.

[Asker]

The family member was by no means in a life or death situation at all. He did NOTHING except sit around with others while they waited for results for hours. Aka POINTLESS.

[Asker]

If the results showed something URGENT, he could have been called to come over.

[Opinion Owner]

Pick better men, then. I don't care. Don't ask for our input if you're just gonna pissy when we give it to you.

[Asker]

Well, learn to read instead of just passing judgment. I don't see how I was wrong when the family member was not in a life or death battle. He had no reason to refuse to be with our son.

[Opinion Owner]

You didn't say anything about what condition the family member was in. You told us your bfs defense - he didn't know what was wrong with them. I've had that happen to me, too. We get a call saying so and so is in the hospital but they don't know what's going on yet.

[Asker]

I clearly stated "It was not for anything life or death. They mostly just went to get something checked out and have some tests. It was precautionary." He was saying he didn't know what was wrong with them aka didn't know test results. So what's the point then? You sit there unnecessarily for hours when other people are there who can relay updates to you and let you know if you do need to come?