Ex is harassing me and I don't feel safe in my own house, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

First it started out as him (my ex) just trying to make me feel bad, but now it has escalated.

1) He's been following me

-He stood and watched my house for 20 minutes, then left

-He texted me after I got home at 3am saying, "You were out late, were you f***ing him?" I don't know how he knew I was out with my friend Ben. He had to have been at my house, but I didn't see him.

-He has showed up at my school, I ended up having campus security escort me to my car

-He tried getting a room at the hotel I work at, and when I spoke to security I explained why and they denied him a room, so he ate at the dining room, and I just stayed in the kitchen.

2) He's been abusing his phone

-He messages asking about when we're going to hang out next, after I told him not to contact me anymore

-He calls and leaves messages like "you'll coming running back like you always do." "You're weak and you need me." "Stop being mean and stop lying to yourself and come over."

-He sends pictures of our old pictures that he drew on (faking blood, crossing out faces,etc)

3)He abuses Facebook

-Since I blocked him, he now contacts me through our mutal friends' status messages. ("And the whore has to comment!" "Don't listen to Megan, she's an idiot." "Long time no talk Megan." "Bitch alert!") What am I supposed to do? Delete my friends?

I've blocked his number, got a new phone, transferred schools, switched jobs, blocked him on Facebook, and he's still finding ways to harrass me.He keeps making me feel like it's my fault that he's doing these things, and he doesn't see what he's doing is scary!

Before, I wasn't worried that he'd hurt me, but his messages (sending them by our mutal friends' phones) are getting more and more threatening. I do recall him being rather rough with me (broken rib and arm, many bruises) and wrote them off as accidents, but now I am worried. Please, tell me what to do?

Updates

+1 y

So, it's funny how fast you get an appology when you go to the police. I went and sure enough the next day I got a text saying that he was sorry and that he'll leave me alone. Maybe it's because he works right near my house, so he couldn't afford a restraining order. I don't care. Ship has sailed! Thanks so much everyone! I'm freeeeee and safe because of ya'll!

[Angela-Marie]

1 ) OK so save the messages of him that he sends you and try to take a pictures of him following you! \

and then once you have avidence go to the police and tell them what's going onn !

2) never go out alone always take someone with you your bf,friend,brother,sister,parents any one but don't ever go out alone...

3) if he askes you to meet up with him don't eccsept and give him an excues...

4) never wait in the car or stay inn one place

5) if when you were dating him you were going to place A don't go any more there mabey he doesn't find you...so change the places you used to go and the places that he knows that you'll be inn...

6) tell your secruity of work what's going onn and tell them that you don't want him to talk to you..

7) and on Facebook report him and block him..

8) and always tell the police!

9) he ovbiously wants you to be his and his only !

10) and plss very important that you'll tell someone about this I don't want to make you afraid but usually these cases are very serious becouse since he wants you to be his he ill do anything !

11) my friend was murderd about last 5 months the same reason of yours ! becouse she left her boyfriend and went with another guy and he used to send her messages like your boyfriend is sending to you..soo be carefull...

[cun7n1nja]

If you can collect and save evidence of this, you have a solid case for a restraining order. He's harassing and stalking you, and that's not okay. Seriously, if this keeps up, and it probably will, save texts, voice mails, take screenshots of comments on Facebook, literally document everything you can in as much detail as possible, and file a police report.

My boyfriend had to do this with his soon to be ex-wife [divorce still pending], for a lot of the same reasons, PLUS physical abuse toward him. And he still has to have SOME contact with her just because they have two kids together. So the restraining order has been modified in such a way that she can only text or call him in regards to the children, and can only be near him when picking up or dropping off the kids. If she violates that in any way and he records evidence of it, he can take that to court and she can go to jail for violating the restraining order.

Seriously, if you feel threatened, and it's obvious that you do, then you need to do something about it, because he seems like one of those people [like her] who won't just STOP without some other kind of intervention with the law.

[MrOracle]

As the others said, you need to start collecting evidence and build a case against him. The police need to be involved, but without evidence, there's little they can do. WITH evidence, they have a lot more discretion and freedom to help you. And that same evidence can be taken to a judge and a restraining order issued.

Now, MOST people, once the police get involved, will get the message. But if he doesn't, you DO need to be concerned for real, because people who violate restraining orders (aka, the law) will violate other laws with just as little care. Stay dilligent, and be aware of your surroundings. Keep up the escorts to your car, etc. Make it as difficult as possible for him to keep harrassing you, and 98% chance he will tire of it and go away. If he's in that 1-2% that doesn't, then you REALLY need to watch your back.

[l-hedoniste]

"So, it's funny how fast you get an appology when you go to the police." Take that to the bank.

I'm glad it all worked out.

[l-hedoniste]

1) Stalker.

2) Stalker.

3) Stalker.

You'll have to go through the stalker drill: start filing police reports (get that paper trail going for when you file the restraining order), start getting defense-minded (rather rough often becomes really rough), use the buddy system. (If someone isn't with you, they should know where you are, who you're with, and when you're getting back. And they should be checking in.)

Let him know you're doing all this. Maybe he doesn't know he's acting like a stalker, and maybe he doesn't want to, but he should know that he's putting off the stalker vibe, so he has a chance to back off.

[Red_Arrow]

Broken rib and arm, many bruises - and you wrote them off as accidents?!

The guy is stalking you! You really need to get a restraining order against him. That will state that he can not contact you, message you, be near you, etc. Of course, he will probably continue anyway, then you can have his butt thrown in jail.

Your "friends" are not doing you any favors! If someone was using my Facebook page to attack someone else, I would unfriend them in a heartbeat.

And be diligent. Someone that whacked is probably dangerous.

There are probably some organizations around you that support women in situations like yours. Try to find one (the local police may be able to direct you) and get their advice.

[christian2724]

What a psycho. Ignore him. He doesn't exist to you. Any bit of attention you give only fuels his fire. He'll eventually lose interest if you're no "fun". In the mean time don't put yourself in vulnerable positions. Have someone walk you out to your car. Stay with friends or relatives. Let your male friends know. If he escalates by grabbing you.. see the police and let them know what's going on. Get a restraining order if you can. And carry a knife with you at all times so if he gets cute you can keep him at bay. You should really be concerned, this has the capacity to get out of hand.

Dont date guys like this anymore, ok? Try to spot this stuff early. You should have known with the 'accidents'. Normal men don't hurt their women.

[Anonymous]

girls these days are players more than guys, your boyfriend has no right to threat you and should leave you alone. I beleive his reaction is normal he still loves you. There is no way to stop him even if you call the police and arrest him this will make the problem worse. Right now make sure you are safe whereever you are going.

He will either find another girl to love or forget you by time.

This happened to me before it was my first time experiencing love, I didn't do anything wrong but she used me to have fun , we are long distance lovers after I told her I'm going to ask for her hands, she stopped replying on my messeges and ignored me . I start doing the same thing I send her threat messeges and harrassed her , I think it was immature thing to do but she deserve more than that!

u girls think that guys have no feelings , I ignore girls these days since I have concerns they will do the same to me

Pray for your boyfriend to forget you !

[Impex]

Give him an ultimatum, if he doesn't leave you alone then let him know you'll contact authorities for harassment. And after that stay with somebody else, a friend, a family member? if you don't live iwth your parents, if you do, let them know immediately. Don't let him take control of this situation, if you slip once he will take ahold of you and manipulate you into doing what he wants through fear.

Be Careful

[sa230e]

Get a restraining order against him, things have gone far enough and it's time to get the law involved.

[taster]

You are right to be worried...have you looked into a restraining order? Have you talked to the police? Might have to move to a different city...

[Anonymous]

call the cops on him if he does it again, then get a restraining order. I know it sounds like a journey but it needs to be done.

and just for the record, avoid guys like this from now on. I know you girls have a fascination with jocks, a**holes, and everything in between, but this is what happens when you date scumbags. give the nice guys a chance. you can usually tell if somethings wrong with them from the get-go

[Anonymous]

yeah I had a girl telling me crap like this very recently and it turned our she was still seeing him and f***ing him on the side. So I don't believe in girls stories anymore.

[Black_Swan_12]

Please tell me you are trolling

[Asker]

Unfortunately no :/

[Black_Swan_12]

hes lucky I'm not close to you because if he did that to my sister or someone close, that's one of those rare situations where I would get physical. Tell him you will call the cops on him and if he doesn't stop do it. you get either get him on record and get a restraining order.

[Chrissy1986]

contact the police imediatly that is harrassment

[Ijustloveyou]

report him !