Would I be wrong for leaving my girlfriend because she out of no where said she wanted an open relationship?

[Anonymous]

Going to keep it really short without details.

I (41m) had been together with my girlfriend (38f) for 3 years. Stable relationship and no red flags from my point of view. Last Saturday she asked for an open relationship. Her reasoning was we did not get to enjoy ourselves in the past & it could help us strengthen the intimacy and love.

I rejected it and she seemed unhappy after that. I am not going to lie, an open relationship suggestion out of nowhere is a huge red flag for me and means probably there is someone else she have in mind already. I have been cheated on in the past and made it very clear that I want a monogamous relationship before being exclusive. Her suggestion made me mental for few days.

I want to break-up with her. I do love her but she opened Pandora's box and I am not sure if I can trust her in that relationship. It will not be healthy for both sides.

Would I be wrong if I leave the relationship without trying to salvage it? I tried saving my old relationship when there were trust issues and it did not work. I just do not want to harm my psychology struggling. At the same time I doubt myself because I love her and it's a 3 years old relationship.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a tough call man. On one hand, after 3 years together I'd feel betrayed by the sudden request for an open relationship too. I totally get why that would damage trust and make you question things.

At the same time, 3 years is a long time. Maybe hear her out and see if she can reasonably explain what changed for her and reassure you this isn't about someone else. Does she seem willing to address your concerns and make sure you feel secure again?

If not and you still can't shake the doubt feeling, that's valid too. Trust is so important. Your mental health has to come first. Don't let her talk you into staying if deep down this is over for you.

Only you can decide if you're willing to try working on it or not. Either choice is understandable with the history you have. Just go with your gut on this - if you feel it's time to leave for your own peace, don't second guess it. You gotta do what's right for you, bro.

Wish I had a crystal ball on this one! In the end, trust your instincts on whether or not you can move past it. Sounds like she's gotta prove her commitment now if you do wanna salvage things long run. It's a tough call man, but listen to your heart and do what you think is best. You got this.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

Nope, the moment my girlfriend mentions an open relationship, I would free up her future with me. You can love someone to your core and not be a good couple.

You two obviously have different relationship goals, and make no mistake, if she mentioned an open relationship she already has someone in mind and wants to explore that option which means she has already been at least entertaining someone else's attention.

You best option is to let her go. If you stay, you are risking your emotional and mental health.

[OtterMan68]

no, she doesn't want to be just with you. Time to move on