Why is my ex-boyfriend now avoiding me when previously we were cordial when we see each other?

[Anonymous]

So, a little background. We broke up 6 months ago. 4 years together. Were just about to buy a house and start a family. I was devastated and didn't want the breakup at all. I still love and miss him terribly but doing well at healing and moving things forward.

Unfortunately we do pass each other at work but don't work directly together. The months following the breakup we have politely said hello to each other but recently in the last few weeks he has started literally running and hiding when he sees me. He leaves rooms that he sees I in, if he sees me walking up a corridor he will turn the other way or dive through the nearest door. I don't understand the change in his behaviour? Does anyone have any thoughts?

[_Maya_]

Why worry about it? He is an ex. I get that you were devasted from the breakup and it does sound like you two had something going wanting to get a house and all that but in the end obviously something happened that made you break up. As for why he changed... this is going to be a complete guess. Maybe he started to see someone and he is trying to avoid you because of that. That was the first thing that popped in my head. The other thing that comes to mind is that he has finally moved past you and he doesn't want to drum up old feelings. He might have just hit the point where he was over you and felt it best to leave the past in the past. Only he knows for sure. We can just guess.

[Asker]

Thankyou. I guess I worry about it as I genuinly miss him and still harbour hopes he might come back. That said, Im doing my best to move forward whilst giving him all the space he needs.

I suppose I just find his behaviour a little confusing as if he were really so 'done' and over it then surely he would just carry on as normal and act indifferently? The whole thing of running and hiding makes it feel like there are emotions there that he is dealing with?

[_Maya_]

You could be right that he is still dealing with emotions. That is very possible. It could also be something I mentioned. Almost impossible to know for sure. First thing that I thought was he was seeing someone. That isn't necessarily going to be the case but first thing popped in my head.

[Asker]

Ugh, I hope not. I guess I was just hoping that as time has gone on he's starting to regret whats happened and finding it difficult to see me... I guess there's nothing to be done except continue giving him space, move forward and see if he reaches out at some point.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that he’s dating someone new and thus wants to avoid you to prevent any potential drama with the new person he’s seeing. If I were him I’d probably act the same way lol I personally would avoid my ex on purpose when I start seeing someone new so that I can maintain some distance from the ex (and eventually cut them out of my life completely) out of respect for my new potential relationship

[Asker]

I'm not sure if he's seeing anyone or not at the moment. This behaviour has got worse over time and he is even doing it in front of other colleagues now. God knows what they must think? I was kind of hoping that as time has gone on he is feeling regrets and maybe finding it difficult to see me but I guess I will never know unless he reaches out.

I just carry on working and don't react. IM trying to take the high road and remain calm. It hurts inside to see it though. I find it extremely immature that a man in his 40s can behave like that after a happy 4 year relationship with no cheating/abuse etc involved, its extremely childish.

[Opinion Owner]

No one will know for sure, not unless you ask him directly. Honestly I feel like he’s avoiding you because he might be feeling uncomfortable, of what exactly we won’t know. Could be that he just wants to move on without having to keep seeing his ex at work all the time, or that he’s seeing someone new or that he’s uncomfortable with seeing you bcs he needs to work on some unresolved feelings. But basically, having an “amicable” break up can mean different things to different people. For you it could mean politely greeting each other and stuff but for him it could be as simple as not harboring any anger/resentment towards the ex but he’s still choosing to cut all ties.

[Jay-_-]

He probably doesn't want contact as much with his ex and if that is the case I honestly don't blame him, but if it's not the case I don't know what to tell you.

[SolitarySolace]

Why do you care whether he is or not? You aren’t together anymore and don’t have to be friends.

[Asker]

I guess I just find it confusing that he has been cordial and polite when we see each other and now switched to hiding. If he was so over and done surely he would be indifferent? I guess I'll never know.

[supercutebutt]

I think a little buttsex will put your relationship back on track :)