Why is my mom keep changing her mind? she say it’s my life and then say don’t do that?

[kimmber8239]

I've been carrying a lot of confusion and hurt lately, and I need to share my feelings with you. When you first told me that my life is my own, it gave me such courage. It felt like you trusted me to make my own choices, and it meant the world to me.

But now, hearing her say that she don't want me to see him anymore has left me unsure. I want to respect her wishes, which is why I didn't see him today, even though it was really hard for me. Honesty is something I value deeply, and I didn't want to make a promise to my mom that I might not be able to keep. When I told her I’m going to try not to see him she said why say that say that you ain’t going to.

I needed to retrieve something from his house, but I’m just going to leave it alone I’m going to miss him a lot I been crying all day I just been trying to think of the brighter side even though I’m hurting I can get through this I thought he wanted to leave but said he doesn’t he said This just a hill we gotta get over and that we need to get me on my feet and I said are you going to help me? And he said we can help each other but again I decided to end it I told him I just been thinking ur right I should take care of myself even more and think what I want to do even though I might feel hurt sometimes because I can’t see you anymore I’m going to get through this one day we will get back together if we actually do like each other and if we don’t get back together that’s ok as well I hope the best for you and I’m going to miss you a lot my mom said that I have to sacrifice what I want and that I don’t want to make my dad disappointed or her but I always sacrifice what I had to end all of my relationships for her not to be disappointed and now again I thought I could make my own decisions what happened? She even told me it was my life and why did I break off and that she didn’t see the point of breaking it off and now she do this…

[StarWarGirl]

I don't think you need to break up as in life both things are important affection as well as career. Your mom doesn't want you to disappoint them. She is right also because you should be having more focused on making your career this time. And this is very critical time. Same time indulging too much into love now may cause distraction for you which is bad thing.

So if you could make the balance of 90-10 in between career/studies and love/relationship now you need not to break up. But set a strong rule like you would only spend not more than half hour daily to invest yourself into your relationship or you would talk with your boyfriend on weekly basis. Or even better if you set rule like you are going to spend time with eachother only and only if you would complete this much of your studies that's the best. It would be like motivation also.

But in this setup you need to stay strong to not break your rule no matter what but strictly follow it being complete honest. And while talking with eachother you should be careful to not get too much emotional or you wouldn't talk anything such which shake you both emotionally you have to try avoiding fights and should never keep misunderstanding and should be understanding and supporting to eachother. So that you don't waste much of your time in being emotional and not get any distraction in studies.

If you could follow this you need not to break up.

Remember mom and dad ONLY WANT YOU TO NOT DISAPPOINT THEM. If you are able to give your 100% efforts in making career then no would have problem in you being in relationship.

BUT IF your relationship is distraction, and causing you to drag you behind in not giving you your 100% efforts in your career then I'm sorry your mom is right you should break up.

Why? Because right now at this point of time at this stage of your life your career is MOST IMPORTANT. and time is limited. Competition is high, life would not give you another chance to get up if you fail now.

[Anonymous]

Competing goals and aspirations. Parenting does not get easier when you get big and grown up.
You are her baby and she does not like to see you hurt. You are becoming an adult and you should have your own autonomy and live your life. You are only 18 and she would impart her experience to you. You still need teaching what a relationship is and what your responsibility to it is.
Then she'll have her own view on the behaviour of you and your man.
It's complicated which is why the mixed messages.

[RHK36]

Relationships are a union of two people. If you let outside influence your relationship then you're better off single. Listening to mommy and daddy forever will keep you a child forever. At some point you'll have to make real choices and stick to them or your parents won't treat you like an adult. If you're still at home not paying bills then also don't say shit to your parents because you not grown in their eyes.

[lorenzomichael]

Listen, don’t worry too much about what your mom says she loves you. She’ll always love you, but she wants you to be careful, too grow and spread your wings and see what this fucked up world has to offer. Be grateful you have a mother that really cares. Because a lot of the people in the world don’t have parents that even give a shit.