Why do some ghosters gaslight you when you ask them what’s wrong?

[Anonymous]

I had a best friend of over 10 years who suddenly started to fade out of my life. When I noticed her being too “busy” to see me, I asked her if I did anything to hurt her and she said everything was fine she just has a lot going on. She ghosted me permanently after that. We haven’t spoken in 5 years.
I’ve seen this type of thing happen in friendships and romantic relationships. Someone will ghost you or fade out of your life intentionally, then when you ask why, they will deny ghosting you and tell you you’re overthinking. When in fact that’s actually what they’re doing.
Why do some ghosters do this— ghost and gaslight when you ask them about it, or tell you you’re overthinking?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girlll, that is so frustrating when people ghost and then deny it when you confront them! Some thoughts on why they might do that:

- Avoiding accountability. They know what they're doing is hurtful, so they lie to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

- Sparing your feelings. By downplaying it, they think it'll be less hurtful than admitting the friendship is over. As if lying doesn't make it worse!

- Lack of communication skills. Some people just suck at being direct and honest when difficult conversations come up.

- Ego protection. Admitting they ghosted means they weren't really your friend after all. Denying it protects their ego from that.

- Control. By making you question your perception, it keeps you second guessing and off balance instead of getting a real answer.

Who knows what's really going on with them, but the bottom line is you deserve better than games! I'd distance myself from anyone who can't give me basic honesty. Friends come and go, but you'll find your real ones who want the best for you!

[Nikki1989]

Meh, when people start playing kiddy games, I am out. It is not hard.