Would you trust your partner if they said they needed space from you but they also don’t want to end things with you?

[Finchie40]

Like they are weighing their options and basically trying to keep you on the back burner , they want time away from you to figure themselves out so they are basically hoping you will be there waiting for them? My ex said this to me , and I told her if she needs space from me , she is best to just move on , I am not a fucking toy she can play with when it’s convenient for her. Am I wrong for telling her No that I will not be waiting? I feel I deserve someone that doesn’t need time away from me, if you truly love someone you don’t need that much space from someone , that’s How I feel , if someone needs space from me? Take all the space you need but don’t expect me to be sitting here waiting. If I told a girl I need space from her, to me that’s an excuse for me to go be a piece of shit , if I need space? I walk into another room , I don’t go away and leave her behind , expecting her to wait for me. So am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong to open up to another girl , that has been sweet and caring to me that doesn’t want space from me? That knows the situation I am in , that has my back no matter what I decide. Last time I accepted space in a relationship the girl ended up cheating on me , so this is why K am like this now , my ex acts like I am this horrible person when really she is the selfish one , only wanting things to go her way she doesn’t consider my feelings whatsoever ever since she met this new girlfriend of hers that I feel they are gay for each other. It’s very weird honestly and of course she won’t tell me the truth , so I told her to go and don’t come back cuz I am not waiting with Sucker written on my head , I feel I deserve way better than this shit

[sage2021]

Ya know, sometimes I am glad that I am an older lady. Because I see people writing like you are, about "I need some space". Do you know how long ago that was a very popular thing guys would say to a girl/lady he was dating and having sex with.
As long as I can remember it was around 1990 when guys wouldn't commit to the opposite sex. They were all being that way.
Let's see, "I need some space", "We need to see other people", "I don't want a girlfriend", " I'ts not you, it's me that has the problem" just to name a few. And all the guys were saying those same things.

And of course all of us girls would be on the phone comparing notes. 🤭😅

Have you ever seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You? Ya gotta see it! That movie came out when all these guys wouldn't commit himself to anyone. In the 90's. Great movie!

Then "Friends with benefits" movie came out around the same time. So that's how old these saying's are.

So, for 34 year's now guys and girls are still saying the same things I heard when I was dating in 1990! Oh, he has commitment phobia was another one. There were tons of books that came out about these problems we were having back then. One book in particular helped women understand guys better. "Men Who Can't Love". I sent a copy to this guy I was seeing in the mail. He read it and found out what his problem was.

But to answer your question, no, you shouldn't wait for her. Besides it sounds like you've already found a new honey right?

[Finchie40]

Somewhat but nothing set in stone , her and I just been talking and not rushing into anything because she knows my situation and I been nothing but honest with her , so I am still stuck in the middle on what I should or should not do? The truth is my soon to be ex wife has been playing mind games with me ever since she became friends with this girl , her whole attitude changed towards me and she treats me like a convenience , I have had multiple conversations with her about our relationship and we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things , we did prior to this girlfriend coming into the picture. It’s like all of a sudden this girl is more of a priority than I am to her , I expressed my feelings of concern and nothing changed. So I told her she is best to go live her life and I will go live mine and go our separate ways. My wife is sadly a user and only wants things her way , my feelings don’t matter to her unless she wants something from me , I don’t feel loved or wanted by her , I want a girl that values me the same way I value her , so I told my wife it’s best we go our separate ways if she does t want to be on the same page as me , my wife wants her cake and wants to eat it to pretty much , So that’s why I threw in the towel. She constantly points fingers at me like I am this horrible person when really she is the selfish POS that should be pointing fingers at herself first. She is a user. So I am open to meeting someone else and I told her that’s what I plan on doing since she doesn’t want to compromise with me and thinks she can leave Sucker written on my head , I am over the mental abuse and realized I deserve better than this shit

[Finchie40]

I am at a point in life that I can no longer allow myself to be walked on , I constantly give and give without receiving in return , intimacy and affection with her is one sided , and lately there hasn’t been any intimacy and affection with her whatsoever, so that’ to me is another red flag that I am not tolerating , of if I attempt to make a move on her I am instantly denied , and she makes constant excuses as to why she does t want to be intimate with me , so I gave up trying and started opening up to other girls’ I want to feel wanted and valued the same way I make her feel , not one sided , so i am leaning to meet someone else that actually has a heart

[bobalife]

In your situation, it reminds me a lot of my friend and his wife who wanted “space” and later been found out to be emotionally cheating with her female friend… the “space” was her way in the process to figured things out with her friend and plans to break up with my friend. But they’re working it out now because she realized she was checked out and forgot to value what she has that she thought was lacking… anyways I am trying to say your wife isn’t treating you right and everyone has the right to their feelings. I think it will be a good idea to give the new girl a chance but you must also end things with your wife before you start anew. If I was in your situation, I’d end things.


I do disagree that not everyone who wants “space” will have cheating reasons but they are definitely thinking about breaking up. I’ve asked for space with an ex before, it was to re-evaluate the relationship, time on my own, and figure out if I should break up with him or not.

[Finchie40]

Did you end up breaking up with him? Me personally already knows the relationship is over when a girl all of a sudden says she needs space from me , when she never wanted or needed space before , it wasn’t even a thought , to me it’s just an excuse for her to be selfish and to weigh her options, whether she is cheating on me or not , to me she is cheating on the relationship she chose to be in with me because they are words that never come out of my mouth to a girl I chose to be with as well. So I tell her take all the space you need and I will do the same. The way I look at it is , I am single again because I am not a fucking convenience that she thinks she can leave on the back burner. if I am not her priority , she will not be mine period. I already experienced this once with a girl that I trusted and thought she loved me that said she needed some space , I immediately said ok baby and waited for her like a frigging dumbass , the whole time she was gone , I was missing her and thinking about her , worried about her and wondering what she was up to , she never texted or called me when she was gone , the one friend she was with, ended up calling me and confessed to me that she was fooling around with another guy and texted me a picture of her with this other guy , yea so much for taking space for herself , I was devastated that she just didn’t end it with me. Knowing her intentions was to go fool around with another guy. So I texted her and told her to Go fuck herself that she is a selfish POS person and to never call me again , because it’s over. She then texted me back saying what’s wrong? Acting like she was innocent and that I was being out of line , so I went along with her bullshit lies And played along with her to see how much more she was going to lie to me. Her girlfriend that told me the truth , asked me not to throw her under the bus , so I didn’t throw her under the bus , so I acted like one of my friends spotted her while she was away

[Finchie40]

And told her I had proof she was being a whore. And sent her the picture. She got quiet and didn’t say anything after that because she knew she was busted red handed. I told her girlfriend what I did and told her to not say a word , her girlfriend said thank you and understood. And told me she is sorry that my girlfriend did this to me. I thanked her and said i would have never known the truth if it wasn’t for her. So I thanked her for doing that for me. When they got back from their so called girls’ trip her friend showed up on my doorstep and said she is sorry for what I experienced and that I didn’t deserve that whatsoever , I ended up fucking her friend. My thing is what goes around comes around why I no longer tolerate space in relationships, if you need space? Go into another room or end the fucking relationship right than and there cuz I no longer wait for anyone.

[bobalife]

Well first of all I’m really sorry your ex did that to you and seem to caused a traumatic experience. No one deserves that at all. But no, not everyone who wants space follow under that misconception they will go fool around… that’s only for cheaters 🙄 I don’t think it was cool you fucked her friend, but I know that’s your own choice. I just don’t believe in petty cheating or cheating in general. Sure her friend helped you, but sounds like her friend isn’t that great of a person because she obviously wanted you for herself.

To answer your question, yes, I did got back with my ex after taking some space, we simply just talked things over and worked on our relationship. There was no intention to fool around or think about anyone else, but just the relationship itself.

[MisterWack]

If they do it more than once, it isn’t about trust, it is about “I couldn’t find someone better than you so… Yikes, can we start off where we left off?”. Men & Women who manipulate for things they want tend to “want some space” then will start the relationship back up then “want some space” then will start it up again which is infuriating, you shouldn’t stand for that crap and dump ‘em. Disclaimer: If they do it once or twice and the relationship seems steady then just keep doing it, if they want space again dump ‘em.

[DextroShade]

She belongs to the streets!

When she says that it is womanese for "I found another guy I want to fuck, but I don't want to be considered a cheater and still keep you as a backup in case it doesn't work out."

[Altheavas]

For majority of people saying I need space is just wanting to be out of the relationship, and going back to dating.
I remember asking for space in my relationship, that was because he never took me anywhere. I wanted to do things that makes me happy. Spending time with family and friends. I remembered I said I need to work on ourselves to make things better for us but I didn’t want a break up. I didn’t want to cheat either, but like majority of y’all, he understood that I wanted to break up.


So I don’t know, it’s a bit hard to trust, unless you trust the person you are with and not insecure!

[Crimsyjo]

Hmm. I think it's not unreasonable to have a little space and not make it a break up. Just a night apart. But if it's longer there needs to be communication and effort from both sides. And maybe no longer than a week. With desire to reconnect shown from both. Space should tell you you miss eachother and don't feel comfortable apart. It shouldn't mean radio silence or distant behaviour.

[Finchie40]

Yea if it was just a little get away with her friend that would be one thing but she is planning on being away for a week or 2 , I told her have fun

[Crimsyjo]

Yh going "away" with a friend isn't space. If it's to think about the relationship it should be like to her parents for a night or two. When my recent ex and I were arguing, we communicated much better in text when apart than when in same room. That's what I mean about apart but communicating. I remember running to my mums upset during arguments with a previous ex. And again we would be communicating still.

From this and your other posts plus the vibe I get from your feelings... it does sound like this relationship has run its course?

[Finchie40]

Yea I am throwing in the towel , I realize it’s a never ending battle with her because sadly she is a selfish person that only wants things her way , but my feelings mean absolutely nothing shit to her. I realize I deserve better and that’s why I been opening up to other girls’ and told her the truth that I am , I am tired of the games and drama of being treated like shit , she changed I didn’t , but now I am changing for the better

[Roxy0050]

Listen to some YouTube videos about Attachment theory, they will help you understand the situation you were struggling with and help you feel easier about it. For example

https://www.youtube.com/embed/T0g9NzOpY6k

All the best xx

[genericname85]

no. needing space means they wanna fuck someone else and not allow me to label it "cheating". they can have all the space they ever wante dy being permanently separated from me. that's how it goes.

[handsomelad70]

Perhaps they feel a bit smothered. Give them space, check back with them some time later and if the distance continues or widens, terminate the relationship.

[Phoenix98]

In my opinion and experience whenever someone say's they want space that's usually just in preparation for a breakup. I mean that's not always the case but I can only speak from experience on the matter.

[Finchie40]

Yea my experiences were the same , that’s why I no longer wait for anyone , whether I am right or wrong it doesn’t matter , I choose a girl the same way I want her to choose me , if she can’t choose me , see ya , it was nice knowing you , Good luck on your selfish adventure and hopefully you meet someone that loves having space from you , you both would be a great match because you both can do shit behind each others backs as you please. If you want to act single , go be single is how I look at things

[Phoenix98]

And that's completely fair.

[CrabCakes11]

It’s a good thing she left you. You seem like an insecure prick who can’t handle somebody deciding if you are right for them. She’s not “putting you on the back burner” she’s evaluating her relationship. I can guess why, you seem exhausting

[DizzyDesii]

Anytime someone wanted space, that was just the appetizer before the breakup. Fck space, just gone and leave and get out my face lmao

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s what I told her , I am not a fucking convenience, you either want to be with me or not

[DishLady]

I would, but it would probably be hard to bear the silence during the “space” time if we have feelings for each other and/or have known each other a while.

[SotiCoto]

If I had a partner and they said that, I'd be totally cool with it.
I mean why wouldn't anyone? I hated how clingy some of my exes were.
Seeing someone like... once a month would be fine.

[Anonymous]

there is nothing wrong with her feeling like you're not the right fit. especially if you're an old man 15-20 years older than her, she likely knows she can find someone more attractive and better.

[Finchie40]

Yes that’s fine , if we aren’t the right fit for someone , but the right thing to do is walk away and end it , not string them along for their selfish benefit.

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

take a look at your selfish self, only dating women 15-30 years younger.

you gotta understand that young women have options, they really don't have to settle for an old man

[Finchie40]

Who said I was only dating younger? I said I prefer younger but that doesn’t mean I only like younger. I don’t really hold age as a deciding factor when it comes to meeting a beautiful girl that I have chemistry band connection with

[Opinion Owner]

if you don't prefer old women, what makes you think she prefers old men?

[Finchie40]

And why are you Anonymous and talking shit? , I wasn’t being rude to you so why are you being rude to me? I was just answering a question.

[Finchie40]

I just told you age doesn’t really
Matter to me , it’s the chemistry and connection that matters to me and the attraction we have for each other. Most younger girls’ like guys’ my age so those
Younger girls’ come on to me making the first move. I met older girls’ that came on to me as well, so yes I have options as well. ISO bottom line if she chooses me like I choose her that’s all that matters

[Opinion Owner]

Young girls typically dont want men 15 to 30 years older. Young women want men less than 10 years older.

[Opinion Owner]

A man a few years older is not the same as an old man

[Finchie40]

For each their own

[Opinion Owner]

I'm talking about the vast majority of young women really aren't looking for a husband who is almost as old as their fathers.

[Yannae]

So I'm seeing her after work. If she told me that and it involves one of us leaving and living on our own, we're done. If you need space from your partner, it's not the right partner.

[Twalli]

Some people use this as an excuse to cheat, but I don't think most do. Sometimes people are sp deep in a relationship, the need to pull back fo keep their relationships that don't have you in them are still there.

[sheikalana]

To me that's a subtle way of breaking up with someone without telling them they're breaking up.

[Loner111]

Sounds to me like she's trying someone else out; in case it doesn't work out with them, it's back to normal with you.

Just pick you up like a pair of shoes...

[Dongie]

Yeah, you seem in full grasp of the situation. If she had just experienced a crisis she would have told you, surely.

[jahaims]

No, that is an immature way to deal with emotions

[spartan55]

Nope, you are either IN or OUT

[chrissykerdock]

catch-22 it's called

[Budheavy]

No...