Could you cope with your partner not trusting you?

[Anonymous]

I have severe trust issues to the point I will never be able to put my full trust in my boyfriend or in any new friendships ever again. I was in a 17 year marriage got married at 17 MISTAKE! my ex cheated with every so called female friend and yes I'm serious every single one! Even the ones I became friends with as well. 6 women in totally plus 1 I never met. I simply cannot trust my boyfriend having female friends nor can I trust any new female friends I make. I've tried but I can't all the terrible feeling come back to the point I have Anxiety attacks. My boyfriend also might have given me a reason not to. He hid a DM from a woman he plays games with he was trying to make her feel better over his guy friends calling her ugly. I told him that was a big NO NO never cross that line. He deleted her and said he wouldn't do it anymore. Once again his guy friends were mean to another woman on there and he felt the need to run to her to make her feel better. Again he promise I won't do it again. But I don't know if I'm overreacting because of my trauma or if my feelings of not trusting him is justified. Please help me and no judgment because I feel like a crap person already.

[HawkPerception]

I could not deal with a partner that doesn't trust me. I would give my partner no reason to not trust me. I tell them any time I change my location and who I'll be with. I give my partner fingerprint access to my phone, so they can check it any time they want and I'm super communicative and honest. All of my partners have trusted me 100%

As for your case, I'm sorry that you were screwed by one guy and it took 17 years of your life. That's a huge deal. But one guy being an absolute scumbag doesn't make the whole population of guys a scumbag. If you can't see that, then I don't think you should even be in relationships. You'll always have an emotional wall up and never let someone truly get close to you. You should approach each relationship with a fresh mindset.

I'm not trying to insult you when I say this, but maybe try therapy. Until you change your mentality and get over your trauma, I recommend staying away from relationships. And if you strongly believe that you'll never be able to get over the trauma, then just don't be in relationships in general because that's not fair to any of the guys you'd be with.

[Asker]

I am on a waiting list to see a therapist. Told my boyfriend today about how serious my trust issues are. He said he understands and will be here to support me. At least that makes me feel a little better.

We also have a 3 month old together, so it's not that simple.

[HawkPerception]

Then I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find your own peace.

[Asker]

Thank you! That's all I desperately want is to be OK again.

[Skinhead-1979]

11 years of 'living' like that, with a partner who didn't trust me (and much more going on), while being in a 'relationship, have ensured that I have attempted suicide 5x

I am with you on this... I have endured 11 years of emotional abuse and neglect, everything has been a lie; a deception. Needless to say I have severe trust issues. I am no longer relationship material, I am too damaged... and I don't dare to get into another love relationship.

(I am still terrified of my ex; I saw her today... and I went straight for the police)

I trust strangers... strangers can't hurt me... at least not where it'll hurt the most... I don't dare to let anyone get near; I don't invite people over nor do I go to other people's places.

So no... I cannot cope with a partner not trusting me; a partner who is the centre of my world, yet constantly questions and accuses me? How can I? I questioned everything, including myself; my own existence and whether I had a purpose, a reason to life... I've lost myself completely

[Asker]

I really hate these people for doing this to us. I was a completely trusting person without questions and now I'm the total opposite as you can see. I feel trapped in my trauma because I want so badly to be that trusting person again but like I said when I try anxiety takes over. I already feel so stupid for not leaving after the 2nd time my boyfriend didn't respect my wishes or boundaries. I feel like I should exit the relationship to spare him from my issues.

[Skinhead-1979]

I fully understand how you feel; but, if you don't mind me saying, you are making the mistake of blaming yourself. I know, I, of course, go that too... but fact is that we are not to blame for whatever abuse has come over us. Our good nature, of trusting people [too easily] shouldn't be abused by selfish, Narcissistic, people for their own personal gain.

I saw the Red Flags during the grooming period; I got warned by people, admittedly who didn't know her but felt something 'dodgy' was going on, before we even got 'together'. But she has been 'studying' me, she knew exactly how to 'play' me and ensure I'd be 'chained' to her for as long as she needed me. Even after all the drama finished, after 11 years of being 'together', I still couldn't let go of her and, admittedly, I still struggle 4.5 years after the relationship has finished. That's how much she managed to 'trap me in her web'; I call her a 'Black Widow'; I wasn't, and am not, the only guy she has abused. She 'just' went a lot further with me than my predecessor because emotions were stronger and every lasted longer; I've heard some things from my kids when I still had contact with them, I don't think my successor is in a better place.

What must be said is that no matter how evil their deeds are, they are not evil themselves. A narcissist does not know what he/ she does, nor would they care if they would realise. They are not Sociopaths, not Psychopaths, who get pleasure out of hurting people. That doesn't help us, of course, because we have been victimised by them... but I do find it an important detail.

I am of course no medical specialist, but because I needed answers I have read up a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder; spoken with medical specialist, also to ask if I could be one (I had to know)... and spoken with many people who have been victimised. While details of course differ vastly between all the stories, Narcissists generally follow the same patterns

[Asker]

I agree with you not know what they do. I kicked my ex out in 2022 and he still doesn't understand why I ended things he doesn't see that he did anything wrong and I'm the mean person for breaking up the family. We have a 15 year old who he doesn't care to see since I've moved even though he's moved on as well. He still wants to try and have some form of control over me and make me feel guilty for leaving and it's my fault he can't see his daughter when I always leave that door open. I was 16 when I met him and he was 22. I know he took advantage of my age and lack of experience in relationships he was 100% a groomer which wasn't something people were aware of when I was younger i kinda wish it was. He made sure I never went anywhere alone with friends or to the store but he was allowed to go anywhere he wanted and I trusted him and now that I'm free of him I have no clue why I thought any of that was OK.

The person I'm with now is 10 years older than me. I'm 35 he's 45 and I do think about if it's a pattern for me to be with someone older because he takes care of me when I've never really spent a lot of time on my own. There are moments he makes me feel kinda stupid because I'm a "Millennial that knows nothing"

[Skinhead-1979]

Forgive me if I make the wrong assumptions... but it does feel your are looking for something specific in older men which you missed when you were younger. As a teenager you have dreams and hopes regarding life and how family life is going to be... when that is crushed, it has a significant impact on someone... any kind of trauma endured at a young age had a lot of impact; after that, at least in my case, trauma after trauma will be piling up because you do not know, cannot, deal with it. This is called Complex PTSD, I have been diagnosed with that in August 2022 (after 35 years of 'surviving'). In the US it is not fully recognised, and they might come to the diagnoses of PTSD; while very similar, they are not the same. PTSD comes from 1 single event or period: A Rape for example; having been in a war. Complex PTSD is like an onion; layer upon layer of trauma, and thus to fully be able to process it all you will have to slowly but surely get to the core of it all. You were 16 when it started (maybe even before that)... and you are 35 now.

I am of course not necessarily saying a 'Father Figure'... but something close to it, because you are of course Romantically/ Sexually drawn to older men. With older age, generally some maturity, wisdom and stability comes with it.

[Skinhead-1979]

I feel very comfortable with older women, although I do not see them as love interests. I've just turned 45 a couple of weeks ago, and I generally feel very comfortable around women who are 55+.

I've never had a good relationship with my mother (nor my father to be honest); I think it's not unreasonable to assume that I am looking for somewhat of a 'mother figure'. I'd say that due to this perceived Maturity, Wisdom and Stability that I am drawn to older women. Because they are of the same generations as I am (Both Gen X... I am just about on the 'tail end' of that), I assume it is why I feel I can understand them and they can understand me.

For me personally feeling safe does have something to do with. I read a lot about the subjects I am interested in, I have a lot to say... this made my ex really insecure, maybe even jealous; she has said I made her feel dumb because I am so smart... She wasn't dumb, she was ignorant about a lot of subjects. Ignorance is not a bad thing, it simply means that someone doesn't know a lot about a specific, or in general, subject. She only allowed me talk if she asked me a question, so she was interested... but at other times she'd fall asleep.

(I am not smart, otherwise my life would have gone a lot better... for one I would have finished my education and pursued a decent career...)

[Skinhead-1979]

Older women just seem to be more willing to talk about the subjects I am interested in... then younger ones.
And I won't have to worry that my perceived intelligence is being used against me.

Truth be said, I worry a lot about what people think of me... not my looks, but me as a person. I have been accused of so many things which I would never do, or people assumed to be someone/ something I am not... I can't have that happen.

With Older Women... and Strangers in general... I feel I do not have to prove who I am; and that makes me feel safe.

[Asker]

My Dad had a stroke when I was 11 that paralyzed him and he passed away when I was 17. My mom went downhill after my dad had that stroke and I was left to take care of myself for the most part. I had no one looking out for me I was doing whatever I wanted without any consequences. Before what happened to my dad I witnessed a lot of DV between my sisters and their husband's and I was SA by one of my bothers when I was 6. So there a lot of trauma that happened in my life. A lot to unpack and I feel like I'm drowning sometimes because I don't know what has caused the most damage.

[Asker]

I do feel that safety with my boyfriend that I once felt with my dad, so I think that's my case as well. I just never really took time to think about it. I also never found any interest in guys my age when I was a teenager because I had went through so much in a small amount of time I didn't feel like they would understand and it's not what I was looking for. I was looking for someone who I thought had their life together a way for me to escape a home that had zero stability and I unknowingly went to another hell.

I love listening to what my boyfriend has to say. He is a big WWll buff and I enjoy learning things I didn't know before. It's usually small things he will poke at me for not knowing but he usually apologizes for it.

by the way Happy belated birthday!

[Skinhead-1979]

Thank you for the "Happy Birthday"

I am sorry to read all that has happened to you, and that from a very young age.

I thought my initial trauma started due to my mother's abusive behaviour towards me; but I now know, only recently found out, that I have a rather significant medical history which has impacted my mental well-being a lot. As a result of that clashes must have occurred with my mother, who already struggle with my dad's absence (I suspect he may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or at least shows a lot of traits). I suffered a lot already as a teenager, but all this affected my self-perception and it seems very likely I suffered from 'Body Dysmorphic Disorder'; a mental health condition which causes you to worry an abnormal amount of time about your flaws, even the ones other people can't see. I felt I never belonged, trouble at home... school grades dropped. Parents went through a very ugly divorce... and I chose for my dad because, well, he was never there.. so he was the 'safe option'; I hoped he'd be there for me. Nope, he kicked me out of the house 2 years later when he had found a new wife.

I've hung out with some pretty nasty people for a few years, thought I had found a place where I belonged; but I was of course wrong. I eventually left after 4-5 with death threats never to show my face again (never been back to that city; it is still my favourite city).

Fell madly in love with a girl; went alright for a while... but after a year a felt forced to break up with her; me being me, I regretted it and 'begged' to be taken back. She took rather nasty 'revenge' on me; promising we'd be back, sleeping with another guy and rubbing it in my face.

[Skinhead-1979]

Lived a sheltered life for 8-9 years... tried to build up a normal life, but of course I couldn't... and then I met my ex... She promised me everything I had ever dreamed of; family, kids, loving partner... as soon as she had me, the nightmare started. I knew, I just didn't want to know because I thought I had it all. I am a family man; partner + kids come first. Work is just to ensure that is possible. We weren't rich, but we couldn't complain either... but nothing I did was good enough; no matter how much I adored... worshipped her... she put me down as a monster. I completely lost the plot towards the end; she broke up... I attempted suicide... and while recovering in the hospital over Christmas she also made me homeless. I had nothing, no one to fall back on... I had already been isolated due to moving to the UK for her; 4 weeks after getting 'together' she proposed to get pregnant, and despite reservations I agree... and I had a son with her; I have raised her daughter as my own... I was trapped; nowhere to go to.

Nothing but emotional misery. I am now just existing... hoping my kids will come to me.

[Skinhead-1979]

I saw my ex today, with my son... that was difficult; she was way ahead of me, and as far as I know didn't look at me, but behaviour was weird.. as if she was afraid; that can only be because she has seen me. She went hiding in a dead-end parking lot, which also felt weird... as if she was laying a trap (she loves to play the victim; would I have gone to her and my son, she would use that against me that I trapped her or something... That's how she thinks and works). I was looking for a way to escape, crossed a busy street, went into town and stopped the first police officer I could find. I explained the situation, and they said I can report her for the abuse (I have never been told that before...). I have phoned the police station, explained the situation again, and I have an appointment on Monday now. I don't want to drag her to court... also not for custody... because I won't be able to handle it and my kids will hate me for it... but I need to protect myself.

[Asker]

I'm sorry you had a rough home life with your parents. It always makes me sad because these are the people we are supposed to rely on the most. I will never understand an abusers mindset especially towards their own children.

I'm aware of BDD. I'm not sure if that's what I have. My issues with my body is the fear of getting fat. In my early teens I was on meds that made my appetite out of control to the point I was 225 lbs. It made my depression worse and many times thought about ending my life. I took myself off the meds and dropped weight fast but it became an obsession of worry about how much food I consumed. At my lowest I was 109 lbs and my hair falling out. It's still a struggle currently. I had a baby almost 3 months ago and only gained 10 lbs total in body weight. It's a nasty obsession I wish would go away.

As for your ex I'm sorry she did that to you. I hate the revenge stuff it's very childish.

I will get back to your other reply as soon as I can. It's after 10 pm where I am and have to get the kids ready for bed.

[Skinhead-1979]

Oh, don't worry... I've had to leave the conversation too; I can't remember what time it was, but I think it's was 5am when I 'logged out' and went to bed (I am at least 6 hours ahead of yeah; of course depending where you live in the US, that could be more hours). I struggle to fall asleep at 'normal' times, and I am generally awake till 'stupid 'o clock' in the morning. Around 11.30 am I start my 'day' again.

If someone has an intense fear of gaining weight or fat it is called 'Obesophobia', also known as 'Pocrescophobia'. Seeing that you believe the gaining weight came as a result of medication, this could have been in combination with PTSD; there is such a thing as being able to get PTSD from medical procedures or processes.

I didn't grow properly as a child, and ran severely behind on other kids of my age. At the age of 12, my 'Skeletal age' was estimated to be 9-9.5 years old. For a little while doctors were considering "Growth-Hormone Deficiency', but I did not have the characteristic external features. In my medical records I am being described as 'Exceptionally Muscular build, Broad Thorax... but small hands and feet. My growth progression started to stall.

I got bullied a lot for being so small... and that has had a massive impact on me.

[Skinhead-1979]

I have always struggled to gain weight; I don't know how much I weigh now, I think I have lost a lot of body mass due to neglect, but generally I weigh 62kg which is +/- 137lbs; I am 5'6, so not overly tall but in the end not bad, just average (doctors have estimated my end length pretty well 35 years ago)... I may have ME/ CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), and I found out that can come with Malnutrition (a young lady in the UK has just died due to ME/ CFS and Malnutrition; something I will have to talk about with my doctor on Monday)... but as a result of the Complex PTSD, and thus depression and anxiety, I have neglect myself a lot over the decades and have lost a lot of body mass and muscle tissue... I still do decent food shopping £40-£70 per week really isn't bad, but my diet is very limited. Not eating properly is the most common form of neglect I unleash on myself. I smoke an awful lot of weed to get through life; providing the financial situation can handle it. Took a long time before I had finally learned to manage finances properly, but I think I got there in the end (Didn't have good example to look up regarding finances; parents accrued a lot of debts but didn't alter their lifestyles).

I still look really young for a 45 year old, and I really do not think I am the way a 45 year old *should* be... so maybe I am still running behind in 'development' and 'maturity'... but at least I know the reason why now.

[Skinhead-1979]

The ex is spiteful; because she firmly seem to believe she is 'normal' (People with personality disorders don't know something is 'wrong' with them), everyone else has to be just like her. I'd say this could be one very valid explanation why she doesn't trust anyone. She knows how she is, doesn't like it, and because she assumes everyone is the same she gets afraid; projecting. Projecting herself, how she is as a human being, onto others. Many things she accused me off I am now thinking of "Did you really see that in me, or yourself?". She has done a lot of the things she has accused me off... she's been looking in a mirror all those years.

She cannot take any criticism, no matter how well meant. The ex is 5'3, 197lbs. That is a little bit too big. She made an issue of it and it affected her, but she kept saying that I felt she was 'Fat, Ugly, and Useless'. No, I didn't... I worshipped her... Of course I did carefully try to tell her if she is not happy she should try to lose weight, and instantly said after that "but you don't have to do it for me; I love you the way you are"... She'd be fuming for the 'next week' because I had dared to offer some 'criticism'; I have questioned her 'OCD' behaviour and tried to point our how it affected me, she got angry and denied everything at first.

I am not saying those things because I want to hurt, I worry about her... I could see it was affecting her... but I had to be very careful with how to say thing and which words to use or she thought I was personally attacking her.

[Asker]

I live 2 hours from my ex now. But when we were in the same city I did encounter him once and I was scared out of my mind because I was in the store to buy a pregnancy test. My fear was him seeing that and possibly hurting me. I hung around the back until I knew he left. He was physically abusive as well.

You can always file a report for abuse and a no contact order but the no contact order you would have to appear in court for. Have you thought about trying to get visitation rights? I don't think she can legally withhold your son from you.

[Asker]

I'm in the Midwest, so I'm sure it's more than 6 hours. As for sleeping I'm awake until 3-4 am. Before I had my newest child I would be awake until 6 am. My mind had a hard time shutting down or I would be afraid of nightmares. It has gotten a little better thankfully without meds. I refuse to take anxiety meds anymore because of the weight gain it caused and it made me even more depressed and suicidal.

People especially kids have zero clue what bullying can to do us later in life. Either too fat or too small. I've been called a drug addict a few times due to how thin I got these were adults saying this by the way. So this goes even more into why I have trust issues. People can be really nice to me and I'm suspicious as to why... I know not healthy at all.

[Skinhead-1979]

I have good contact with some 'Brothers' in Chicago Illinois, Ohio and Texas... so we always have to deal with time difference; often when they contact me, I am about to pass out (at stupid 'o clock in the morning).

I know what you mean about Nightmares; they call down the same thing: failure. There's always something I try to do in my dreams, and for some reason can't do. And the ex haunts me in my dreams of course; same as it was in the 'relationship', in my face she is being nice... but something just feels horribly wrong.

I probably still have them, but I smoke an awful lot of weed (it works, it's not a cure of course but does make life easier) and due to that I either don't dream or I can't remember them when I wake up or soon after. So even on weed I can still wake up with lingering anxiety from a dream.

[Skinhead-1979]

I've been on several anti-depressants for 2.5 years. I always refused them because I feel weed does what anti-depressant can do too; but it's a natural product, not chemical, and thus *less bad* for you. Because I had become suicidal, I had to try them. Been on various kinds, various strengths too, but I turned into, as I call it, 'Emotional Zombie'; I don't want that. I also got a lot of side effects. I wanted to get off them, but right on the day I was going to discuss my medication with my Doctor, I broke down in the waiting area of the surgery. The doctor 'persuaded' me to stay on them, but I went 'Cold Turkey' on them after that. Never looked back, and I don't regret it either. While medication can be helpful, it doesn't work for everything and does come with 'risks'. I don't want a life of medication, so I will have to learn to go without and stay off them anyway; that also, of course, includes weed at some point. I know I can stay off it, it's when I feel 'happiness'.

I like to think I have raised my kids well; it hasn't always been easy, but they are good kids. My daughter once picked on another girl (just harassing her while she was on her way home), I don't think she'll ever forget the 'bollicking' she got from me while the mother of the girl was present. She's never bullied again. She's also being bullied herself, because she came out as Lesbian 5 years ago when she was 11.

[Skinhead-1979]

"I know what you mean about Nightmares; they call down the same thing: failure."

need to be

I know what you mean about Nightmares; they always come down to the same thing: failure.*

[Asker]

I'm sorry you're dealing with these health issues. The loss of muscle tissue and body mass I believe has to do with our body going into self-preservation mode to make up for the lack of nutrients. I think that's what caused mine anyway. Does the weed seem to help you eat more? I know when my boyfriend smoked he would consume a lot more food than he does now. I know how concerning this is because when I was dropping weight like crazy 1-2 lbs every 1-2weeks I had blood work done for autoimmune and cancer. The doctor found nothing on blood work but diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia due to episodes of full-body pain and brain fog. She assumed it was connected to my weight issues. But I still question that.

You look closer to my age than 45. I wouldn't say development is a problem you are average height for a man the looking younger part that could be genetics. You also don't seem lacking maturity. My ex never matured past his teenage years which was another reason I couldn't stay with him. I felt like I was taking care of another child. I grew up and he never did.

[Asker]

My parents lived by Chicago in Hammond, IN for over 20 years. I still have family there. One of my sisters, nieces, nephews and cousins. I also have a brother in Ohio my mom and another sister live in Texas. I was like 👁👁👀 when you said where your family is 😂

My nightmares always involved my ex abusing me. The last one I had about him was before I had my daughter. He was in the delivery room instead of my boyfriend and I died. That messed with me until my daughter was born.

[Skinhead-1979]

You've brought up Fibromyalgia... Doctors are considering Arthritis, Nerve Damage... and Fibromyalgia and ME/ CFS with me.

Only a day or 2 ago there was a news article that a young woman, 27 I believe, died as a result of ME/ CFS. She had been hospitalised several times due to malnutrition before eventually succumbing.

ME/ CFS are often being mixed up... and often people are being diagnosed with both. So that you say your are losing weight may well be due to the Fibromyalgia or maybe you suffer from ME/ CFS too.

I have rapidly deteriorated physically over the past 1-2 years; I am now near constantly in pain, mainly my back, neck and shoulders; but parts of my body go numb for months (might be nerve related), bone structure of fingers and toes can hurt, cramps in legs and hand (ME/ CFS related possibly), IBS - Linked to ME/ CFS, and just random parts of my tissue start to ache more so on touch.
I still take into account that I might make myself physically ill due to struggling mentally, but this is getting to much to fully blame it on my mental state. It was the reason why I felt a strong need to chase up after my medical records. I have been given Anabolic Steroids to grow as a child, and Anabolic Steroid use, even when it has been prescribed by medical specialists, does not come without risks.

[Skinhead-1979]

I feel I am rapidly wasting away now... I do still spend between the £40 and £70, $55 and $90, a week on food; enough for 1 person I'd say and I don't go hungry of course. My diet is not great, that's a fact (due to stomach and bowel issues; 'IBS' is also linked to ME/ CFS)... but I should still have a decent intake, and the food I eat is generally classed as Healthy; I never have take-aways.

Weed can indeed cause what we call 'The Munchies'... but if you are a heavy smoker, that will become less. My appetite is bigger when I am stoned, and I enjoy eating more, but I don't eat more than when I am sober. The same goes for sleeping too; initially weed will put you to sleep, but eventually that will become less and any sleep issues you may have will resurface... still, I fall asleep easier than without and dreams don't bother me that much, so it is still better than nothing.

One of the medical concerns as a child was that I was running substantially behind in my development... I have caught up, took me a long time - my maturity for example and being responsible to some extend... but it could be why I have always looked very young. I am not too pleased with it; I don't get Id'd or something, but I feel I do not receive the respect someone of my age should receive and people of course always think I am younger than I am.

[Skinhead-1979]

"ME/ CFS are often being mixed up"

ME/ CFS AND FIBROMYALGIA are often bring mixed up*

[Skinhead-1979]

I call all men whom I respect and have some thing in common with a 'Brother' 😉

I am mainly looking for 'brotherhood' currently... So on Facebook I mostly have men in my friends list with whom I have things in common. Only a couple of women, and some of them I don't even know what they look like. It's mainly that politically we are aligned.

I do have a real brother living in NYC, Manhattan. He left the Netherlands >20 years ago. First to Palm Springs, CA, then NYC.
He is the 'Career Guy'; he has done well for himself.

Trauma will always come back in dreams... yeah, having horrible dreams about your pregnancy will make you very fearful something could go wrong. Pregnancy and giving birth are not easy, so fears that something could go wrong are natural but will of course be enhanced if you've endured trauma.

[Asker]

Does it make your skin hurt? I know weird question... but it's the only way I can explain it. When my arms or legs are touched during a flareup it hurts a lot! I also have times the bottom of my feet hurt and it feels like there are weights on my legs. I'm almost certain it's connected to my anxiety and stress because it worsens during very stressful times. The only thing I found that helps is Diclofenac it's a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medicine.

[Skinhead-1979]

Yes, indeed parts of my skin can hurt. It can be my upper arms, and upper legs. So parts of my body which have a bit more tissue than other parts.

This is what I assume is Fibromyalgia; and no real cause can be found for it, at least not as far as I know.

I am still waiting for my appointment at the ME/ CFS clinic (should really phone them up and enquire); I had been told it can 18 weeks before I could get an appointment. I am sure I have waited that long already, or at the very least close to it.

[Skinhead-1979]

Inflammation is also linked to ME/ CFS... especially sore throats seem to be common, but I don't have them a lot. I do have severe coughing fits, periodically quite bad. The doctor has said I have an 'elevated spot' in my throat; simply breathing (especially after having a shower or getting up) irritates that spot, and of course smoking irritates it. I had been referred to 'ENT' (Ear, Nose Throat), but after 2 years I cancelled it because at that time coughing was not that bad.

I have been quite ill in December 2021; Covid-19 may have been the cause, though I am not sure if it was indeed Covid-19 which I had. It's been determined that Covid-19 can be a cause for ME/ CFS.

While I don't see Weed as a painkiller, it is an undeniable fact that I seem to experience pain more, and worse, when I am sober; Could be because I am more on edge when I am sober, and thus stress does indeed play a part... or maybe because my mind is occupied when I am stoned, I enjoy doing things more when I am stoned and thus can concentrate better on what I am doing, that I simply don't notice the pain as much.

[Asker]

I only have 70 people on FB. I tried adding a few friends from Twitter. One guy he hated feminist so much that he started to hate all women that was a big NO for me and I blocked him. Then another friend he made things weird when wanted to be more than friends. I had already started seeing my boyfriend at the time and I had no interest in that guy in a romantic way. He got stalker on me followed my best friend on her all her social media accounts trying to keep up with me. I stick to following people on Twitter now. I don't know why some guys have to make things weird 🙄 I gave him no indication that I liked him that way.

I was sitting here thinking you moved all the way from Chicago to the UK. I take things seriously unless I'm told otherwise.

[Skinhead-1979]

I used to have a lot more people on FB in my friends list... but I am looking for 'Quality' and not 'Quantity'; I do like to get to know the people in my friends list a little. They are, after all, something close to what people would call 'friends'. That you may never meet each other really doesn't matter in my opinion... I'd say there is a chance that bond becomes stronger because the whole relationship is more based on trust than would you meet each other regularly face to face.

A lot of people pretend to be something or someone online who they are not of course; so when trust does evolve, and remains, in my opinion the bond is only stronger.

If someone does pretend, and everything has been a charade, it is easier for me to distance myself from it; it still stings, hurts, of course, but not as much as would I have had a close relationship with someone in real life.

Social media has made it easier to stalk someone though... A Facebook is guilty to that too. I may have mentioned that I have taken a completely new identity. It is still unofficial, but I of course would like it to remain a secret to people whom I don't want them to find out.
I am sure they have found out; they can't contact me... because my profile is completely private and all my contacts are abroad... but I am sure they know.

I have made an account under my real name which is completely public. All I do with that account is posting pictures of my tattoos and the progression on them. The people who feel a need to keep tabs on me will be fuming for one reason or another. I also display overconfidence in those photos, so they might pick that up as in that I am doing very.

[Asker]

I've had sore throats and dry eyes with it before I ever got COVID. When I did have covid I had breathing issues that would get worse in the shower and outside since I had gotten sick in the summer. It didn't go away and got worse felt like I was suffocating after 6 months of feeling like I was going to die I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with asthma. I have coughing fits and issues with swallowing sometimes.

I have been in a few FB groups for long COVID and people have reported being diagnosed with fibro a year after getting sick. It has changed so many people's lives forever. Some have even went on disability because they can no longer function to work.

I'm glad you can control the pain without pain killers another thing that scares me to take. I have a lot of phobias.

[Skinhead-1979]

Yeah, the partner of 'my guy' (= Dealer) had been diagnosed with ME/ CFS after she had Covid.

I find this label of 'Long-Covid' a bit nonsense... It's ME/ CFS brought up by Covid, no need for a new label just to keep the 'Covid Scare' alive to sell more 'Vaccines' (I am not anti-vax... I just don't trust the vaccines which have been rushed to deal with Covid).

You've said the same as I did... The coughing becomes worse when showering, and indeed I also get coughing fits when I go outside. Just to be sure, and to rule it out, I have had my lungs tested for COPD and the results was that my lungs are perfect for someone who is a heavy smoker. My lungs and airway are not obstructed; due to the irritation in my throat I keep having to blast air through my windpipe for nothing. That leaves me breathless and I feel I am going to pass out; when it is really bad, I become distressed and start to panic because I cannot breath due to coughing.

I also have swallowing issues... Food can get stuck in my oesophagus, same as drink... oddly enough often coffee gets stuck. Eating and drinking often leads to hiccups because gas starts shifting in my stomach bringing up the hiccup; takes a long time to get rid of that by continuously attempting to hold my breath.

[Skinhead-1979]

I've had a disability benefits review... almost a year ago and they still haven't decided on the outcome; got a phone appointment on the 12th now... I have already phoned them up and informed them that in a year a lot has changed. Of course my mental health problems are still there, but the physical pain and discomfort are far worse now. Physical pain can of course lead to poor mental health too.

I do take Ibuprofen when I am in pain... but due to being addicted to weed (no point in denying that; though I can manage it, especially financially), and having used some 'Hard Drugs' in the past (Speed, XTC and Cocaine; I was not in the slightest addicted, but I did love the feeling and the partying)... I am very hesitant to use things, or get into things, which could lead to addiction. I don't drink, I abhor gambling, and I try to stay away from medication as best as I can; especially Opioid based painkillers. They are being made from the same plant as Heroin, are just as addictive and just as damaging to the body if you get addicted to them. I have never been classed as being at risk of addiction, I just feel there is a risk and I do not want to get addicted to anything.

[Asker]

My lungs looked fine as well but I was told it could be deeper than what an X-Ray can see. I was supposed to get get more test done but never did. I just use my inhaler when I need it. Your doctor never offered you an inhaler? I think that would help coughing and definitely shortness of breath.

The issues with swallowing I don't know the cause because I never spoke to my doctor about it. I'm honestly tired of going and not getting straight answers. For the hiccups you should try really cold water and drinking it as fast as you can while holding your breath it always works for me.

[Asker]

I didn't get the vaccine either for the same reason. I have zero trust in something that obviously wasn't tested enough and I don't trust the government in general. They can go to hell.

[Asker]

Think I'm going to call it a night. by the way You replied to one of my other questions

"Guys, What makes you lose interest in a woman?"

I honestly don't know why I went anonymous on here no one knows me on here. Mainly I do go anno in FB groups because I never know who might be in there who knows me.

[Skinhead-1979]

Yes, I also felt that the breathing test was not sufficient to rule things out. That my breathing is fine does not necessarily mean my lungs take up enough oxygen which can lead to 'Low Oxygenated Blood' and that can cause many symptoms which resemble ME/ CFS.

I had been given an inhaler, tried it a 'couple of times'... but I noticed no improvements, but that may well be because I wasn't really motivated to try the inhaler.

While it may well be that it was Covid-19 which caused the issue in my throat, I have a bit the feeling that there is an infection in my throat, either Fungal or Bacterial. Weed, if not properly grown and dried, has, same as other plants, a high risk of becoming contaminated with 'Mildew' and 'Bud Rot'. It is not dangerous to your health if inhaled, though it of course isn't very good either. I can get nauseous and throw up after a heavy smoking session, it is rare but can happen. That, combined with the coughing and possible infection, does seem to point in the direction of a fungal or bacterial infection which is easy to clear with antibiotics; but if they refuse to investigate...

Food getting stuck and the hiccups may well that I eat too fast; because I don't enjoy eating, and I am generally hungry, I may well be shoving the food down too fast, maybe not chew properly and that causes problems.
With drink, I can clearly feel pressure coming up from my stomach while the drink tries to go down... and thus gets stuck. I have to spit the drink out for it to clear up; there is no other way.

I am also tired of going to the doctor; nothing really is being done and I feel ignored. I am in pain and discomfort, but I don't want to be seen as a 'Hypochondriac'; I am not an attention-seeker.

[Asker]

I think I'm going to give up on searching for answers. It adds onto the stress I'm already dealing with. I hope you can find some set answers and treatment.

If you have X you can follow me on there ALittleBraty_ and or on here TheLovelyIntrovert.

[Skinhead-1979]

The search for answers is indeed difficult and stressful... but I needed answers: I needed to know what has happened with me; but I of course have many questions which will never be answered (My parents really won't talk, nor will I seek them out).

My medical records explained a lot already, and I will have a lot to ask tomorrow when I have an appointment with my doctor.

I also have the appointment with the Police tomorrow... and on the 12th I can pass everything on to the benefits department to reinforce my disability benefits claim.

(The British government has opened the war on disabled people again, threatening to take disability benefits away and force people, who are not ready, back into work).

I will follow you here on GaG; I am not on X, so wouldn't be able to follow you there.

I want to wish you nothing but the best, you deserve it... and I hope you will find the happiness you deserve.

[Skinhead-1979]

Your name here didn't ring any bells (I haven't been active that long here, maybe a week)... but I have seen your profile photo and some of your other 'Questions' and 'Opinions' 😊

[Asker]

It's not easy to get disability here when someone has a more serious health issues. I know people who got denied when they had cancer. I have intractable epilepsy meaning it's not easily controlled by medication but the government thinks that it will magically go away even though I've had them since I was 6. I do hope you can get yours approved because I know every day tasks can be draining.

When you go to the police department you should also get copies to possibly use to get visitation rights for your son because he deserves to have you in his life.

Thank you for being kind to me and truly hearing me. That means a lot to me.

[Asker]

Me in my pale glory 😂

I'll be around sometimes. I'm here because i got banned from fb groups for 5 days. I told a guy he was ugly on the inside for making fun of someone's looks... like ok he can say mean stuff but I get in trouble 🙄

[Skinhead-1979]

I thoroughly enjoy the conversation we have, and it is much appreciated. Even just talking with someone who understands you can make a massive difference.

Regarding the US healthcare system, I know some mental health conditions aren't even recognised. Some private doctors may still offer some form of treatment, but because the condition hasn't been recognised no proper research has been done, and no consensus has been reached regarding treatment methods.
Here in the UK it also feels as if they assume something just magically disappears, but here it is clear that there is a severe lack of resources and staff. Doesn't make it better of course, but at least I know why and I am less likely to think I am being ignored.

I would of course like to file for custody... but I am not sure whether it is the right thing to do; if my boy is indeed angry, my ex has planted other ideas/ thoughts in his head, dragging his mother to court will make things only worse. He needs to come to me, I cannot force anything... and I need to be able to talk with him with anyone, especially his mother, involved. There is little I can do for my daughter simply because I am not the biological father.

[Skinhead-1979]

"Me in my pale glory "

Haha, I have had no issues posting photos of me almost fully naked, only wearing a Jockstrap, to show off my tattoos. I am very skinny, and I may of course not be everyone's cup of tea, but I don't care 😛

I get often silenced, censored, by Facebook... sometimes I don't even have to do something. But I have had the threats and all, and when I try to block them... Facebook won't respond.
I used to be very defensive if I felt I got cornered, and respond in a quite heavy manner... but over time I have learned that there is no point in it. I shut people down with facts, reinforced with supporting material if needed... They will be the ones becoming hostile and personal to me; and I know I have won. Not just the argument, they couldn't control themselves and that will look bad on them. I then politely thank them for their time, wish them well and I take my leave 😁

[Asker]

Your ex might be telling you that to scare you away and to be vindictive. You could consider getting a mediator to sit in with you two and possibly have your son there as well that way you can see and talk to him and she wouldn't be able to interject any toxicity into the conversation. I was going to ask if you adopted your stepdaughter because that's the only way you would have any legal rights. But hopefully when she gets older she will reach out to you and I hope you can get your son back into your life.

[Asker]

I had a friend on X who would wear a jock strap and paint his face up in Kiss makeup. Didn't really want to see that much of him but I was forced to see it in my feed. 🫣😂 I don't like to show a lot of skin but that's mainly because I have scars going across my torso towards my back. They are from my twin who died when my mom was pregnant with us. They look like burns so I think they are from decay or we were conjoined.

Can't even posts facts because they don't read them or watch a video I send. I know because they respond immediately with cussing me out or name calling. I'm fed up with everything going on political and religious even though I do believe in God. I refuse to spend my energy fighting... I would rather have my peace. I can coexist with people of different opinions and those who practice a different religion or don't believe at all as long as they are good to me.

[Skinhead-1979]

Oh, I am sorry to hear about your twin 😢

The ex is certainly vindictive, I know that; but I don't know where my son stands... and me, being me, I'll probably make the wrong decision and, if he isn't already, will become angry with me. I have to be very careful how I handle things, or I might lose him forever (I have cast both my parents aside... he could do the same with me).

In the last year the ex and I were 'together', we had started the adoption process; Some government employ has even visited us at home... but I had no valid ID, so had to go to London first to the Dutch embassy. Sorted my passport out, and the ex said she had reopened the Adoption Case; I don't she has... When I enquired she claimed she hadn't heard anything back. Me still trusting her, I didn't ask to see the correspondence. 6 months later the relationship was over. I am sure either her family or she herself realised that would the adoption have proceeded, and I would have gotten custody over my daughter, the ex would have lost full control over her. This is just one of many incidents in which I am sure she has 'sabotaged' me, but I will never be able to prove it.

[Skinhead-1979]

It's mainly due to my tattoos that I currently feel very confident about my looks; I can definitely do with improvements and repairing, but I want to show off my tattoos. lol, I am not someone who would normal wear a Jockstrap... I solely bought that thing because it made tattooing certain areas of my body easier; and of course it'll also give the greatest visibility of my tattoos.

I can imagine that your scars affect you... The ex had a rather big scar on her belly too; she was already heavily self-conscious, but the surgeries she needed and the scar had made that 10x worse. Due to complications she had to be opened up another time, and she demanded that the scar was being left behind better... the first time you couldn't even see her belly button and the scar zigzagged over her tummy from the bottom to the top. The 2nd time it did look better, but was still visible.

I don't know if it is maybe a Male-Thing... but I am not bothered about scars, not even would I have them in my face. I've ran through a big glass door as a kid, and got decent scars on both arms... but I've always used to to tell my 'War Stories'; the thing I dread? (I even have nightmares about that) My teeth falling out. My teeth have of course been affected due to the smoking, but other than that my teeth are strong and I have never even had a hole in my teeth. But them dropping out? Having to walk around with half a set of teeth? Nope... that's not happening to me.

[Asker]

For anything in the future Document everything! Keep any text any othe forms if communication that is in writing it will help if she tries to pull any BS. With my ex I have saved text, DMs and emails of his threats towards me and him making it clear he is an unfit parent. When they don't want to act like the adult they are we have to play hardball to show them we refuse to let them have control anymore. I hope it doesn't come down to that for you and I hope your son reaches out to you. I think he will eventually see the lies because you were good to him.

[Skinhead-1979]

I did try to save some texts and all, but lost some it too. She probably won't have anything, she always ensured she erased all her tracks.

I am sure my boy will reach out to me some day. He may indeed not want to see what has happened, but he does know; and eventually he may have questions or accepts what has happened... and then he'll come. He knows where I live, but even would I move... email, Facebook, phone; he can reach me.

[Asker]

I think women have a higher beauty standard we are expected to look a certain way while men are not as pressured.

Looks are not the highest importance to me. I care about personality, how they treat people and if a have a deep connection. I met my boyfriend on X and fell for him before I knew what he looked like (crazy I know) a month before we met he told me about his hair thinning and how he has top dentures from a motor bike accident. He was so worried it would change my mind but it didn't because I already loved him. I should add I already seen pictures of him I didn't notice anything about him I disliked. Vanity I don't care for... I want the person to be themselves and not put on a fake show.

[Skinhead-1979]

Regarding looks; I still voice some sort of preferences... but in the end it's just the 'whole package' which matters and I don't focus on specific characteristics.

The ex was just an 'average', pretty girl. Not very tall, a bit overweight, saggy boobs, nice bum... The first photo of her wasn't even that great (early in the morning; 'bed hair', grumpy look); but it didn't matter... she stole my heart in no time. All the contact was online, so 'look wise' I didn't have much to work with... it was really how she presented herself; and everything she told me. I feel drawn to people who struggle... and the more she told me, the more I was drawn to her.

People have warned me, that she may not be who she is online... of course some even said 'she' could be a man... but I didn't want to know.

The day I had moved to the UK, was the first time I saw her besides some photos she had sent me... almost 3 years after I had met her (during which she was gone for most of the time).

[Asker]

I'm completely guilty of having a soft place for people who struggle as well. My best friend I've known since I was 10. She said broken people always seem to find each other and I think that's true because she was broken at an early age and we have been through so much since then that beat us down. My ex was a broken person and now my boyfriend he has been through a lot. I don't know if that's a good thing or I should consider that a toxic trait.

I used to be selfie whore post one every day on X FB IG and then send them to my boyfriend. I guess that is the millennial part of me because getting him to send them was difficult 🙄

I had zero worries as to who I was meeting. I looked all his info up did background checks because we have to be safe nowadays. Also it helps that my friend does genealogy and can find almost anything on anyone. She knew he was previously married before I told her and knew his mom and sisters names... I'll admit she is issues being overly nosy. Even with all the info and background check she was still convinced I was going to end up being a case on 48 hours never to be seen again.

[Skinhead-1979]

Haha... the idiot that I am; I went to the Police Station... My appointment is tomorrow; I was convinced the 6th is today. That means my doctor's appointment is tomorrow too Doh 🤣

(Brain fog; losing track of time and days; forgetting to check)

About being drawn to people who have had a difficult past and/ or present too; it doesn't necessarily have to be a Toxic Trait... but it can leave you vulnerable to 'Trauma Bonding' and further abuse.

I was drawn to my ex due to all the difficult stories she told me from her past and some extend present (e. g. boyfriends being useless and never there for her). She learned that I would never abandon her, and abused that to further abuse me. She knew it wouldn't matter what she do to me, I would not leave her; I've even said that on numerous occasions.

After she had cast me aside, I had been homeless for 5 weeks and finally got my own place. I met some people who were also struggling for various reasons. They needed help, but so did I; eventually I started to feel that I was being exploited... I have even had to resort to blackmailing to put a stop to things (I've reported myself to the police; blackmailing is a criminal offence... but I got told not to worry. This was purely to cover myself). Then my neighbour, also struggling, I've done a lot for him too. He can't have anymore what he wants, and starts threatening me. I've reported him 3x to the police and I have demanded from my landlord that an eviction procedure is going to be opened against the neighbour.

However, my downstairs neighbour struggles too, we also drew together mainly due to our struggles and we offer each other support... but I have quite a good, friendship/ trust based relationship with her. She knows she can rely on me, I know I can rely on her.

So sometimes the drawing to each other due to trauma works; other times not.

[Skinhead-1979]

I have absolutely no photos of myself between the age of 6 and 29... I don't even think a lot of the photos which have been made survived; and the ones that did are scattered 'far and wide'.

Of course having a family yourself pushes you to document a lot; but I am 'OCD' with hoarding documentation: Official letters (bills, medical, financial), memes, pictures, emails, articles... I hoard it, all divided accordingly to the many different folders I have on my PC (and everything is also uploaded to Windows Cloud Service; I have 2TB space).

The only photos I got rid of are photos with my ex and her dad in it, also the ones with my kids and them 2 in photos... and many other random photos she had made.

I've got quite a good number of photos of my tiny flat and interior... and of course my 2 Fur Babies, tattoos and some of my piercings (keep losing my Septum piercing; lost it again 6 times today. Also outside and the o-ring got lost...)

[Skinhead-1979]

The 'researching' may indeed be seen as 'over the top', but you do have a very valid reason to do so; you've been hurt so much and thus feel you need to protect yourself. That would really not be any different for me, though I don't think I would do as much research as you and your friend 😉

But yeah, I will try to find out as much as I can... and if anyone casts doubt over the Lady, I will listen this time... and while I prefer to 'live online'; in the case of a Love Interest I do want to have met and get to know her face to face too. I still believe how it went for me, long distance and online, can work... but due to the horrible experience I do not dare to do that again.
I have been very clear in 'Opinions' here that I am not looking for a relationship with anyone, and I specifically meant a Romantic relationship of course. If I have good conversations with someone, like I do now with you; yeah, I am of course up for further contact and see how things 'friendship-based' develop. I still love people, and I still need human contact.

[Asker]

All pictures of me when I was a kid were lost. They exist starting at the age of 13. I'm kinda sad that I don't have any of me when I was a baby or child, my mom lost them all when she didn't pay her storage until payment 😕 I don't know why she didn't ask for help paying for it. The only thing I hord is emails because not motivated to delete them and bills.

What kind of animals do you have? How much is you body covered in tattoos? I would ask how many but with so many a percentage would be easier to answer.

[Asker]

It if makes you feel any better. I didn't know it was already the 5th. I guess my brain thought I was in the Groundhog movie reliving the 1st over and over again 😂

When I did rent apartments, I had some horrible neighbors. I lived in the ghetto before next to drug dealers, bloods took over one whole building, and a guy was murdered in front of my building I had to call 911 and talk to homicide who will always be with me seeing him lying in the snow and remembering what he was wearing. If I went through all the horrible neighbors, it would take days! That was the worst thing i have witnessed.

My friend was super paranoid because her friend found out a guy my best friend was seeing was on the sex offender list, and he was working with minors at a restaurant. My friend called on him and they arrested him at the restaurant. She wanted me to be extra careful since I have a teenage daughter.

I was never into online dating, especially those apps. Men don't use them to find relationships they use them to have sex and I'm not that type of woman. I was seeing my boyfriend in person for 3 months before anything like that happened. I met him by chance on X and even then still wasn't interested in dating. We because friends first and a relationship bloomed organically.

[Peridot25]

Honestly, no. If they have severe trust issues to the point where I can’t even go outside around other people, then why are they with me?
Also, I’m curious how you feel about bullying. Because she was being bullied by other guys.

[FreyaRed]

I could as long as it doesn't turn in pointless jealousy or paranoia

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a little wisdom and warmth your way, love, as we navigate this stormy sea of trust issues together. 🚤💔 It's like navigating a relationship without a compass when trust isn't there, isn't it? Your past, darling, has handed you a rather sour lemon, and who could blame you for finding it hard to make lemonade out of it? 🍋

Trust issues, especially after a betrayal marathon like the one you've run, can feel like carrying a backpack full of bricks on your journey to love. It's heavy, it's exhausting, and frankly, it's a vibe killer. But here's where the plot thickens—your feelings of distrust, while influenced by your past, are also being tickled by your boyfriend's current actions. Wanting to comfort someone is one thing; doing it in a way that makes your partner go "Hmm" is another. 🤔

The line between being supportive and crossing boundaries can sometimes blur faster than a speeding bullet in the world of social dynamics. It sounds like your beau has a heart of gold, but his execution might need a little polish. The important bit? Communication, darling, with a capital "C." Laying down what makes you comfortable and what doesn't is like giving a map to the treasure trove of trust. And remember, it's okay to have boundaries; they're the lifeguards of relationships, after all. 🏊‍♀️💕

Don't brand yourself as "overreacting." Your feelings are valid tour guides to your needs and boundaries. The key here is to keep the dialogue open, sprinkle in a little patience, and maybe, just maybe, consider a professional confidant to untangle those past threads. You're not a "crap person"—you're human.

Let's aim for a balance: trust but verify, communicate without accusing, and remember, love, that healing is a journey, not a sprint. You've got this, one step at a time. 💖

[DrPepper12]

you're gonn hafta be vulnerable again for this to work. Are you in counseling?

[Asker]

I am on a waiting list to see a therapist. Told my boyfriend today about how serious my trust issues are. He said he understands and will be here to support me. At least that makes me feel a little better

[DrPepper12]

Good. he's going to neec to have patience, support and empathy WITH you, not FOR you.

[LiamJHayden]

I could, but would not deal with it. In that situation I would feel like the actions of another were being pinned upon me, and I would not accept it. Also my best friend since I was 4-years-old is female. We are like siblings and no one is coming between that.

[IslaTheWitch]

trust is one of the most important pillars of a relationship... I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me

[Razp_Sorbet]

No, trust is the very very base of a relationship

[lightbulb27]

Saving to comment later

[lightbulb27]

yes and no. This is an issue of one perons disposition causing stress to anothers. I'll try to simplify, as I've had similar patterns you mention... as you are traversing personality + trauma damging current relationship.

What is the REAL problem? your prior was very abusive and you fell into that pattern... but thank God, youa re out of it and as you heal, you'll have power over those feelings.

But the new guy is not controlling you, he actually has concern and feelings for others, thats why he wants to soothe these other women. he has his reasons. the real problem is that he gets sucked in by another woman because he's sort of clueless about how women manipulate.

So the solution is to be open about the concerns, communication and repeat "successes"... whgere he's around others but doesn't cheat. write those down, build trust.

I could say more. It's hard work to manage your emotional trauma and heal, and accept his disposition to have concern for others.

The other solution is for him to stay totally away from women. that means he is not fulfilled. so you have to understand his drivers... for he has his own programming.

I think you got out of a controlling narcissisist... caregiver pattern and maybe found a good hearted guy. hopefully you can get better insight above your wounds to see clearly. if not, therpist can help to see the patterns so you have external viewpoint.

It's all work. Been through lot of stuff like that, married now. I can say more if you want.

[Asker]

When it comes to his female gamer friends I have no problem with him playing games with them. It's the issue of him feeling like he needs to console them every time their feelings get hurt by his guy friends who like to talk crap like most gamers do. I feel like she should have put her big girl pants on and taken up for herself. I don't even go running to my boyfriend when a guy isn't nice to me online I handle my own business. The first woman he stepped way out of line. She posted a picture in the group chat and the guys made fun of her weight. She sent a Pic to my boyfriend privately saying "That's not how I always look" he made the mistake of giving her the attention she was seeking telling her there was nothing wrong with how she looked. That is the message he tried to hide from me. He never messaged her again and she has never tried to play any more games with him because she was interested and she realized he wasn't going to further the conversation. I feel like he's tried to be a little manipulative by saying "Well, I guess I can't be nice to women now" 🙄 no... just be mindful of how you interact with these women. I fully trusted him until he started doing small things like that. I don't think I'm being unreasonable with my expectations. They can even talk in group chat like he does with the guys.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice and understanding. I'm really trying to work on myself but it's a struggle

[lightbulb27]

Would it help if he did that and was very open w you and the ither wxpmainkng he has a girlfriend and you are fully in the loop. Eg does that build trust. If yoi see she's latching on you see him shit her down.

[clampfan101]

Trust is one of the most important values.

[Dongie]

Only if I were a cheat.

[letmex-plain]

Sometimes. When the situation is however;