What would men think of a divorced woman in her 40's that got cheated on?

[Anonymous]

Her husband cheated for nearly a year and got her best friend pregnant. She has already filed for divorce and will be finally divorced a bit before her 43rd b-day. The son is already an adult and in college.

It's a difficult time for her and she never imagined having to go through that. She never wanted this and wouldn't have file for it if it weren't for the infidelity and his affair child. She can't ever forgive that. If she starts dating again, what would a man think of her? What do men think of a divorced woman that got cheated on? Will she get shamed? Would men think badly of her too?

[DishLady]

Ok, so there's a lot going on here... She shouldn't DATE till she's forgiven and let go of the bad vibes against the cheating ex. (I know first hand that's REALLY hard to do, but she'll be carrying that baggage around with her into every new relationship otherwise. It's VERY important.)

Will she get shamed? Yeah, probably some dbags will do it... You'll see some great examples of that just here on G@G... But then there are other guys who like a more mature woman with life experience... who care more about her personality and values and don't mind that she has a kid.

Chin up, anon (or to your friend)... There's light at the end of that tunnel. :)

[Asker]

What's so sad if we were both virgins when we met. A week before our wedding (long, long ago), we gave in to each other. He was my first, just like I was his first. It was such a special, unique bonding and he threw 22 years in the garbage (2 years of being boyfriend and girlfriend and 20 years of marriage) as if it meant nothing to him.
My former best friend from college is 41 years old and she still got pregnant. Now he keeps begging for forgiveness and I've already filed for divorce. I want him out of my life. He can still contact my son if he wants to (after all the father-son bonding is different and I'll respect that) but me personally he can get lost.

[Asker]

I was so naive into thinking we would grow old together and be there until one of us dies.

[DishLady]

You’ll be ok. I’d it didn’t work out this time try to stay positive about a successful relationship in the future.

[osmanthus]

My question is, "Why should she bother with the question of 'what would men think of her'"? Most men want a fresh piece of young ass, anyway. Might as well continue working for retirement and screw the question, if she can't face the fact that her soon to be or now ex husband is a cheat. Men act like this all the time.

[osmanthus]

Hate to break it to you but this man saw this relationship run its course of end-of-life of the contract, so, he cheated. Of course, it's crappy that he didn't tell you he had these thoughts and he probably didn't think it consciously, however, when your now grown child is poised to be on his own indefinitely there isn't a reason for the man to stay.

[osmanthus]

Rephrase that: crappy that he didn't tell her and that now that her now grown child

[osmanthus]

In sum, it was a cowards way of saying, "I don't want to be married to you anymore and banging the same pussy." Cheating sexually was the easiest way for him to just say, "Well she started it (divorce)." He wasn't about to come straight out and lay the brick down for her piece by piece.

[Asker]

What I find ironic is they are cowardly enough to cheat but when you're breaking up or filing for divorce they beg for forgiveness? Why is he pleading for another chance, for forgiveness if he decided he wanted to end the marriage by not just cheating but having an affair child? The so called ex friend of her is 41 (not even a young woman) and still got pregnant.

[osmanthus]

Either he's playing it up so the courts could give him grace when it's time to divide assets and shit or he just took the stupid chance on this best friend of hers thinking she couldn't get pregnant at her age and now he's having to deal with this situation. Either way, he realizes he's screwed and he put himself there whether purposely or not all because of a night of floozy with the other woman.

[osmanthus]

I wouldn't take him back. Let the guy learn the hard way or else just save whatever she can from the divorce.

[osmanthus]

He ain't going to use whatever grace monies from the divorce to support this other woman's child. No way in hell, if she can help it.

[osmanthus]

Even if she and this other woman were best friends and this guy took his chance thinking they would cave and work together. No way. Still no way in hell.

[osmanthus]

She doesn't have to play nice toward he ex friend either. Because it takes 2 people to consent to sex; her best friend basically forfeited their friendship.

[osmanthus]

His begging is just his cowardly way of trying to get her to stick the metaphorical knife into her own back. Man acts stupid to make woman do stupid for his own benefit. He never respected her enough to tell her straight up that he didn't want to stay married to her and if he had the choice he probably would've chosen a different route to end it instead of sexually cheating as the courts almost mandate for there to be 'adequate grounds'. Sad to say but the court system almost inadvertently make sexual cheating as the only route out of a marriage that's usually seen as immediately justifiable. Blame the courts? Meh. Nothing has changed.

[osmanthus]

Meh. Both this ex husband and ex best friend are gonna get a rude wake up call that this woman ain't no push-over just because she was nice to them both.

[osmanthus]

She can do em both one better and cut em both up 'demand reparation payments' and see how they like em apples. Heh.

[osmanthus]

Either way, whether they were working as Bonnie and Clyde or just this ass-hole playing solo game, this is going to be fun to watch.

[osmanthus]

Not that he's going to be capable of refuting that he consciously cheated with a consenting adult. He's already down and its a score of 0:1 here. Just doing the math out the gate of where this all stands.

[osmanthus]

Because, even if she couldn't prove that they were tag teaming, she could demand payments on the grounds of emotional sufferance caused by both in needing therapy by the cause of the betrayal of both—if nothing else.

[osmanthus]

If, after all is said and done, this guy crawls back to her, it's probably because he's regretting the fact that he ever went through with this in the first place and wants to remarry her. Too late. Guy probably would have to work with this other woman about having the child adopted or other, if he can't get divorce monies adequate enough to do so. He'll still likely end up married to that other woman, even if he doesn't want to be, assuming payments are demanded of him and he can't make em.

[Asker]

He messed up himself. He threw everything away. It wasn't even a ONS but one crazy night of regret. It went on for yearly a year. He had a whole of time and think about it and not do it. Even when he started, he could've stop but nope he continued. He continued until eventually he got discovered through other means. That's the common theme with cheater, they don't regret until they're caught in their lies.

[osmanthus]

Oh yeah... guy is smart all right... real smart. 😆

[osmanthus]

And if his new wife wants to raise the child, well, he better not be thinking of divorcing her before another age of majority happens, because she's going to need child support payments on top of what he already has to pay for smacking his ex wife around with the divorce settlement plus his shenanigans with her ex best friend that lead to this.

[osmanthus]

Plus, even if she does cease the divorce or take him back. To hell with it if he thinks he can turn around and pay this newly single mother, on the down low in cash from the sale of whatever is shared between his current wife and himself, just so her ex best friend can keep the child and raise it. This isn't going to go down.

[osmanthus]

The man ought not to have played with his marriage in this way. Whether out of boredom or disdain about the marriage and or his wife. This ass has made himself an example not to follow if man doesn't want to pay double duty to two women at once.

[osmanthus]

Truthfully, if he ends up assaulting his ex wife and ends up in jail, well, it's in his favor.

Why be married to either woman and pay for any reparation or support when he can just end up in jail and not have to pay out a cent to either?

Oh yeah, it's written on the walls. Guy might end up becoming a schlub, if this ex wife ain't careful.

[osmanthus]

Courts aren't stupid enough not to see that coming from a guy in that situation, especially since he 'Bonnie & Clyde' the situation and somehow his new wife treats him like white trailer trash.

[osmanthus]

Yeah. He likely won't regret until he's knee deep in his own shit—whether he got there by lying, or not. Lying isn't enough for anybody to regret any amount of crap when no immediate consequences are in effect.

[Asker]

They can both have each other. Both him and my former friend can go to hell for all I care.

[MisterWack]

I wouldn’t care, although if she immediately got divorced then went straight to dating… Could be off putting to be seen as “she is desperate and looking for a replacement quick so she’ll take anybody”, kind of energy at least to me.

[Asker]

She'll eventually date but not immediately. She'll take some time off.

[MisterWack]

Then I’d date her in this hypothetical, no I will not date her irl. This is all hypothetical since I’m in a relationship currently.

[exitseven]

Are you asking for a friend? I would not think badly of her. I would think she got a raw deal. I would give her the benefit of the doubt a d would reserve jydgement until I. Got to know her better

[Asker]

No this is unfortunately my situation. I have no now bear the shame of getting divorced, something I never dreamed about. He threw away 22 years in total (2 years of dating and 20 years of marriage), all those years now thrown in the garbage. During all this mess, the innocent party is unfortunately the affair baby. It's cruel how cheaters function, then bringing an innocent child in their mess.

[exitseven]

Sorry, I sort of figured it as you. I had a friend who was about your age when she got divorced. She too felt ashamed. She told me that she never thought she would ever have a divorce on her "record" like she was a criminal or something. It took some time but she accepted it and moved on. She dated a few guys after and did get remarried. I have not talked to her in about ten years but I think she is doing okay

[Asker]

I hope things get better eventually. At this moment, it's like I was in a neverending storm. We were each others' first and really thought we would remain together till one of us dies. One day I had it all and the next day everything in gone. My ex best friend was someone I knew from our early college years. I really thought we were like sister, having each others' best interest. I lost two people I've trusted the most.

[Asker]

I'm glad your friend found happiness again and hopefully she's doing ok. I'm not okay at this moment. Then he keeps begging for another change but I can't ever forgive that. He had the affair for nearly a year, that's beyond a mistake.

[exitseven]

They are always sorry after they get caught.. I have a neighbor who is a cop. One New Years Day I was outside shovelling my driveway. My neighbor comes over and we were talking and then he starts telling me about his "friend". I asked him if he was out of his #u?/1ng mind? He told me that everything was cool. A few weeks after that his wife catches him and throws him out. . Then he comes over to my house and asks me to talk to his wife and tell her that he was sorry. I told him that ship had sailed.

[Anonymous]

You have no child dependencies and a valid (for once) reason for divorce.

It's not the adultery. It's the getting another woman pregnant.

But you're 43, and I hear dating nowadays is pretty horrendous.

[Asker]

and through this horrible mess, the innocent party is the affair baby.. so sad
Adultery is already terrible as it's throwing away all his vows he made to me and in public; throwing out 22 years (2 years of dating and 20 years of marriage) in the trash, all done in a flash... and then the worst insult ever is getting my friend pregnant.

[handsomelad70]

It happens quite often, so men should think it usual.

[LiamJHayden]

Most guys near that age are looking for younger women.

[Asker]

The other woman isn't even young. That's a college friend, she's 41 and she got pregnant.

[jahaims]

I would think she makes poor decisions if she picked such a weak man as a partner.

[Asker]

How was she suppose to know she will get cheated on nearly 20 years later? 22 years in total was thrown away (2 years together and 20 years married) and he was loved by both her family and friends. How was she suppose to know she would divorce in her 40's?

[jahaims]

By reading the person. I wouldn't trust someone who isn't attuned to the person they plan to marry.

[Asker]

Ever thought that sometimes there are just no signs that they will be a cheater in the future? Sometimes they just seem to be the right person and cheat after so many years later.

[DrPepper12]

Wouldn't think anything. She's an ex wife who got fucked over.

[Billlewis]

Hello, Ms. Osmanthus. How are you?

[Asker]

I'm not her.