Dating a divorced man whose wife cheated on him?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't like to go into a ton of detail but my boyfriend of a few months is older than me and divorced for over a year. I suspected his wife had cheated but he didn't admit it. Finally after some prodding he told me a lot about the end of their marriage including that she did cheat on him with her new current boyfriend.

He may have told me more than I want to know. I kept asking him a lot and he said you keep asking I don't like to talk about it but I'm just going to put it all out there now.

He had told me many times he would remarry and he knows I want to be married. They never had kids.

But knowing how he had a messy divorce scares me. It makes me wonder how he even wants to be in a relationship at all but he has always been very committed to me and very clear that he wants a real relationship. He's also very loving and romantic.

But I worry that he will keep me hanging for years as the girlfriend and I'm not ok with that. I told him before I don't want to date someone for years on end if the relationship isn't progressing and he told me he is not wasting my time.

Is this a legitimate concern?

[misscoffeehead]

Its not your fault to be concerned and cautious. His was in a bad state "ex wife blah blah blah" he doesn't want it to happen again (for obvious reasons) if his just taking his time and doing things really slow, its becausr his being cautious to and he doesn't want to do the same mistake twice. Probably stop asking him about it. He will open up to you when he wants to and when his more comfortable. Nobody likes talking aboyt such things. Just be there for him and assure him time to time that you do love him and you miss him etc.. All men loved to feel aand be wanted.

[Asker]

He always talks about far down the road like a year from now. But I don't want to be the girlfriend forever.

[misscoffeehead]

Im sure you won't be.. Just remember he did say he will remarry.

[wonder444]

You've only been dating a few months , so I'm not really sure why you are concerned with marriage so early in the relationship. Because someone has been cheated on doesn't mean they can't find someone else and commit again in fact he is more likely to be a better more caring person do to the fact he knows how it feels to be betrayed. So if he is as good of a person you say he is relax and give the guy a break and get to know him better.

[tiredoflies]

Could go either way. . If he was cheated on he could be the most loyal, faithful man. Or he could develop an I'll get her before she gets me attitude and he'll cheat on you. Really depends on how he deals with his ex cheating.

[Anonymous]

Men that get divorced are actually very likely to get remarried again. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It doesn't even sound like he is obsessing over it, since you had to pry it out of him. If you are holding out for a guy that was never cheated on, chances are you will end up alone, or with a guy that cheated on the girl. Cheating is unfortunately a very common problem people have to deal with.

[EpicHam]

Well... statistically the divorce rate for remarry is even higher than the already staggering 50% so..
ideas.time.com/.../

Don't mean to sound like an ass but... happily ever ever?

But HEY!
Its just statistics , there are always exceptions

[Tractorbeam]

Yep, it's just statistics. You could look at it like this. It only takes one to ruin a marriage, as in this case.
For every bad partner, you could have one genuine partner who did their best and tried to make it work even more than most people who have successful marriages. Those genuine partners re-marry and have the same success rate at anyone else (or better).

The bad ones re-marry and really bring the average down, because they'll fail again and again.

If you get the good partner out of a divorce, you'll do at least as well as anyone else.

[Tractorbeam]

I don't know what you think is too many years on end, but I think marrying someone you've known less than 4 years is asking for trouble. If he's smart, he'll think the same.

He's likely to be a better man than anyone, if you give him time.