Is it rare for a divorced guy to want to give things a go after his last cheated on him?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy last night. He honestly came around at an odd time where I have 2 exes trying to rekindle and 5 newbies trying to start something. The exes honestly have no chance and I’m not sure how to make that any clearer. The newbies are split down the middle in which some are hardly showing effort and the others are a but too clingy already.
But this guy, he stands out... He told me about how his ex wronged him, but the fact that he actually still wants to get to know me and still considers himself a good man and still considers women to be worth another shot seems so rare to me.
We spent all night just talking. He did try to hint at more for a moment but I let him know quickly that I don’t do that and then he apologized and said neither does he and that he just had a moment. I’m not sure what to believe but he said he wants to show respect since we both have morals and that communication is key.
I feel like I should really keep getting to know him to see if actions match his words because he said “I’m going to be here tomorrow and the next day, week, month, year, etc if you let me. I really want to see where things can go.” I mean, is it sweet talk or is it genuine? I’m tempted to find out.

[MagicHands]

I want to first start off by saying that... I too was betrayed by my ex-wife. And with a ex-friend of mine.. It has been 1 year and 7 months as of writing this post.

Just at the beginning of this year (1 year in after D-Day) I have been trying to deal with it by starting to talk to woman. But it's been so difficult. Mostly because I felt that I just was not good enough. Or that I would get rejected all the time since even my lover rejected me.

But, that was at the beginning of the year, now, 7 months in, I feel ready to talk to women and see what is out there. Heck, I just recently tried approaching a women and she ignored me. (I wrote a post on here about it.) Another setup a date and ghosted me. I can go on. It doesn't help that these woman did this when I have trust issues. But, I have also learned that it is my responsibility to find the person I need. Just because a girl/guy is cute or they give "good energy" doesn't mean it is going to work. We need to invest time and energy to know if someone really wants to commit to a relationship. I think he is realizing this now and you may be able to help him through it.

So my final take is, I am taking my time talking to woman because I know what I want in life. Although it is very difficult for me to do it, I do believe there is a beautiful woman out there for me. I just need to continue searching and not let these girls bring me down like my ex-wife did. I know I am a good man and I can prove that to myself and to my potential future partner.

It sounds to me like you two can continue to talk and see where things go without making it complicated. You already know where he is coming from and if he really meant what he said, after what happened to me, I can promise you that he will show you that with actions, not words. Good luck, dear!

[Asker]

This was very helpful to hear! Thank you

[MagicHands]

You are most welcome! I wish you both the best! =)

[Asker]

It didn't work out. He definitely was not genuine

[MagicHands]

I am sorry to hear that it did not work out. But, I am also happy to know that you were able to figure that out sooner than later. I responded to another post you made on here about questioning his behavior. That was the right thing to do because, anyone can easily play the victim card when it comes to infidelity. If he WAS genuine, you would have immediately noticed that he is patient, but in this case, he was not.

[Asker]

What post about questioning his behavior? I only made this question

[MagicHands]

I meant the other responses you received from Avicenna. I saw you mentioned that the guy was pressuring you to have sex for 10 mins. When I read this part, it was a huge red flag and I responded to it after I had posted this original comment.

Again, I am glad that you were able to figure this out sooner than later!

[Avicenna]

It really depends on whether he has healed from the last relationship

[Asker]

I think he said they were married for 5 years or have been divorced forn5 years... i can't remember but he definitely sounded over her and thankfully didn't bash her although she deserves it.

[Avicenna]

Then I would say he's probably ready for a relationship

[Asker]

I just hope he's being genuine and not trying to hookup. He sounded so genuine but for a moment there he got really horny and I felt a bit pressured but I explained where I stand morally and then he backed down and said so does he. I can't tell if its a game to him

[Avicenna]

Well, you control whether you have sex with him at this juncture. Make it clear that sex will have to wait a bit, if that's what you want.

[Asker]

He said he normally doesn't jump in with anyone til at least 3 months and i told him its even more months with me. I’m just saying the fact he pressured me for a good 10 mins, I don't know how much I should overlook that

[Avicenna]

No, don't overlook it since it's contrary to wait he claimed

[Asker]

Also he claimed she cheated because he hardly had time to give her sex. I mean once I marry, my sex drive will be through the roof

[Avicenna]

Well, you should talk to him about avoiding that particular problem if you get into a serious relationship together

[MagicHands]

I am going to be really honest with you. This is complicated but, he may just be trying to connect with someone. It is so difficult to love again when the love of your life betrays you.

However, he needs to be responsible given the circumstances that he is coming from. Meaning, he should respect your decision about sex and wait for that moment when you are both ready. Not one just one of you is ready, it does not work that way.

Also, since he is working on himself from his divorce, he needs to take responsibility on not being pushy in anyway. If I am going to attempt to try and establish a genuine relationship, the last thing I would do is be demanding.

He should be focusing all of his energy on continuing to heal from his last marriage while working on bettering himself for a potentially new relationship. Sex shouldn't even be crossing his mind, it doesn't really cross mine. I am just looking for love, the rest will come naturally. Good luck!

[Asker]

It didn't work out. He definitely was not genuine

[Avicenna]

Too bad. Good thing you found out now though.

[Avicenna]

Thanks for the mho

[Gent207]

Sounds like you're looking for your next reclamation project and now you're asking if it's too much.
Truth: He's more of a wreck than even he realizes. Adultery is the mother of all emotional nuclear bombs. It destroys not just the relationship and everything that was built over the last number of years. It also brings to question a person's ability to trust others and to keep lovers happy and satisfied. Last but not least the emotional fallout from flashbacks to happier days are more intense due to the initial pain of being betrayed. You start to wonder if you are ever good enough for anybody or even if you should continue to live.

P. S Yes I went through this with the woman I gave my vcard to. So I had a double dose of pain due to the intense bond created by that fact.

[Asker]

He has been divorced for over a year or so now I believe. But he said she cheated because he didn't have time to fulfill theirnsex life

[bootieclapper9000]

my ex is screwed

she has a time limit before I return

and she goes to meet the MOST HIGH

once the order is given

its done hahahahahaha

https://www.youtube.com/embed/YEqWLCBrgic

[Asker]

Goes to mee the most high?

[bootieclapper9000]

every has to die

than they are taken above the dome

to be judged by the MOST HIGH GOD CHRIST

its only a few miles above us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMr6Qb0_5kM

afterwards she will be thrown inside the snake that circles the earth
to be tortured

cause she rejected the truth and the free gift of CHRIST

[Asker]

Long story short, she's going to hell?

[bootieclapper9000]

no she is going inside the snake that circles the earth

known as outer darkness to be tortured
that simple

[bootieclapper9000]

wanna see it

[Noodle_fan]

he need time to heal then he can start trust again

[Asker]

he's been divorced for some years i believe

[Noodle_fan]

does he has kids from his ex?

[Asker]

He didn't mention it but i’m going to ask that tonight. I dont like that he's about 6 years older but if he doesn’t want kids or more kids then we won't work