Breaking up over wanting a baby?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in a long-term relationship for almost four years now. My partner and I are on separate pages when it comes to having children. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 7. He says that he does want more children just not right now at this second. I’m contemplating leaving the relationship due to this reason even though I do love him and see a future with him. Is this selfish or is this something I should do for myself?

[HollyK21]

This one’s a bit tricky. It looks like we are about the same age so I get that in your 30s there’s that sense of your biological clock ticking and not wanting to miss the “window”. I also understand that you see a future with this guy and want to start a family. At the same time though, you want to be fair and you also want to acknowledge both who you’re dealing with and what you’re asking for from him.
This guy still has a young child but is just starting to enter an age with her where he has a bit more flexibility and freedom as opposed to the restrictions with having an infant or toddler. He may just want to enjoy this time before hitting the restart button on being a new dad. What’s more is having a baby with you means he’s attached to you for the rest of his life, and I’m not sure if marriage or anything has been a discussion but he may even want to do that before having another baby. Of course that is just a matter of having a talk with him.
In any case, these are his boundaries, and how he’s choosing to live his life right now. What you don’t want is to present ultimatums, like if he doesn’t give you a baby already you’re leaving. Instead, if you chose to break up then let it humbly be because you want two very different things in life right now. I think that Is the most fair.

[DishLady]

How do you see a future with him if he wants kids and you don't? Come on...

Do the guy a favor and leave so he can find someone who wants the same things.

[Asker]

I don’t think you actually read the post, I’m the one that wants a baby not him.

[jahaims]

That is why you establish your morals, values and goals prior to being in a committed relationship

[Asker]

We did have these discussions and at the time we both agreed on a time line, but now he’s saying he would like to wait. We’ve already pushed it back two years at this point and I feel as though two years is too much.

[Berethor]

I don't date single moms in the first place, it a legit reason to leave, it his daughter not your.

[Booklover_90]

You should respect his wishes. If you feel that this warrants a breakup, do so. You don’t want to “trap” him (getting pregnant on purpose).

[avery58]

It's your right and your choice

[Anonymous]

This is a HUGE reason to leave a relationship. You NEED to be 100% in synch on this issue.

[Pterodon]

Then why did you hookup if you knew this?

[Asker]

We both had discussions about wanting children and on what timeline prior to entering the relationships, however, he keeps pushing his timeline back each time we reach that moment.

[Pterodon]

He doesn’t want any with you