M/25 broke up w me f/24 after five years of dating due to long distance but is now talking to a girl he met on the internet. how do I win him back?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend recently just broke up with me. i started a new job that requires me to travel about a year ago. i get to come home for 3-7 days and then leave for a week or two. he encouraged me to take this job and pursue my dreams and we have been doing our best to make things work. he has struggled w having a stable job and is caring for his grandparents who suffer from dementia. he has a lot of childhood trauma + built up anger from the past that i knew from the start

his family takes advantage of him and he bears the weight of always having to help them. i knew what i was getting into and we have gone through lots of ups and downs in our relationship. we have struggled w communication. my job keeps me really busy and i know i have started to let it consume me. i try to text him in the morning and at night but it wasn't enough. he told me that he was feeling neglected and wanted me to just let him know i was thinking of him or text him quick. i know i could have done a better job and find a better work life balance. i started to call him during my breaks and it seemed to have been better. we got into an argument and he snapped and just said it was over. he no longer loved me and he felt unloved and that all of his efforts went to waste and he felt like things were very one sided. i tried to tell him how much i did care for him and love him. we had plans to get married and move in

a week later we met up and he told me how much better he's doing, eating healthy, found a new job, he's met some girl that he's played video games with. i know he's pushing me away and his emotions and i was the person he could go to. but now im not. i want to still be with him despite everything but why choose someone who doesn't want me? can he change his mind? why is he so quick to move on to someone who doesn't live in this state but our long distance broke us apart. weve been no contact for three weeks now and he packed up all my stuff and gave it back to me through a mutual friend.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn man, that really sucks about your breakup. 5 years is a long time to be with someone so I can only imagine how rough it must feel. It seems like you were really trying your best to make the long distance work even with your busy job. That shows how much you cared about the relationship.

I get why your boyfriend would've felt neglected sometimes with you being away so much. But it doesn't sound like he handled things in the best way either by not communicating what he really needed from you. Guys can be pretty bad about that stuff sometimes. Then to find out he's already talking to another girl so quick after breaking up - that'd piss me off a lot too if I were you. Like bro, have some respect, you just ended a 5 year relationship!

I don't think I'd try to get him back just yet if I were you. Maybe give each other some space for a few more weeks at least since you just broke up. Then maybe try reaching out to see if he wants to meet up face to face and actually talk through what happened. Make sure he knows you still care about him and you're willing to listen without getting all defensive or attacking him. See if there's still something real there between you.

But you also need to take care of yourself man. Don't just sit around moping and pining over someone who might not even want the same thing you do anymore, you know? Try filling your time with your friends, staying busy with your hobbies or your job. It'll help take your mind off things. I also think you deserve way better than someone who bounces to another girl that quick, so don't just waste your time waiting around either if he's not willing to do the work too.

Ultimately you can't make him change his mind if he's really set on being done. But who knows, maybe some time and space will give you both perspective. I'd say try the honest talk and see where he's at, but be willing to move on for good too if that's what needs to happen. Breakups are never easy, but you seem like a good girl - I'm sure you'll get through this and find someone who appreciates you for you bro. Just take it one day at a time for now.

[TommyMountainFigure]

There are two types of worker..

1) You work to live

2) You live to work.

I'm really sorry, but the time to decide choice number 1 was before you broke up! It's just too late!

[DishLady]

Why would you want him back? Your ex is an ex for a reason.

[Asker]

we’ve known each other for ten years, dated for five. we were friends before we dated and have a lot of history. i love him and the relationship would last - we have and we both know what tools are needed to fix but he just gave up. i just don’t understand how he could just flip a switch and decide he doesn’t love me anymore. we’ve been no contact for three weeks but he still uses my subscriptions to watch tv. i’m clinging onto every little bit i have left of him.

[DishLady]

No one cares about “the history” if he can’t do the right thing in the present…. Don’t do this to yourself.

[realgm]

I dont think you want him back.