Guys of GAG, could you forgive a cheating wife, if her excuse was that she was a virgin at marriage and felt it was unfair and wanted experiences?

[Anonymous]

Her excuse was that she was a virgin at marriage and I was not, she insisted that it's only fair that she get to experience someone else.

She left on her weekend. And came home to changed locks and the joint accounts emptied, and a for sale sign on our property, her car, which was only in my name, sold. And so on..

This happened years ago we divorced, she, because of some careful work with my lawyer, lost all but her clothing and the 5000 dollars I got for her car (it was worth 30k lol)

[DishLady]

If she wanted experience she should have had it BEFORE committing to you -- that's what's wrong with the whole virgin-at-marriage thing. Folks hit midlife crisis time and flip out about being with only the one person their whole life.

How long have you been married? If you've only been married a short while and she's restless it means she's not marriage material. If you've been together for a long time and she's just having a midlife flip out, try going to counseling together to work through her anxiety.

It doesn't pardon her cheating, but it does allow you an outlet to state your respective problems and find a solution that works for you both.

What's NOT ok is to (1) cheat on her out of retaliation, (2) take your frustrations out on her in other ways (beating, yelling, etc.). Either keep the girl and work towards a healthy resolution OR ditch the girl and work towards a healthy resolution.

[alice55]

If she felt this ways she should have ask you before if yo would be ok with it but if she did it behind your back it's cause she knew she was in the wrong;

After in France many men would forgive cheating no matter which reasons she did it because they love their wife.

My sister had multiple boyfriend and 3 of them were persuaded she cheated but they all would have forgiven her, cause when she got fed up by their jealousy she broke up and they send her hundred of message to try to win her back. So yes many men would forgive cheating at least in my country.

[KostasKouvalis]

This answer really surprised me. What if it was the other way around?
Also, that would be kind of a weird thing to ask him, unless they were in an open marriage. If he was against it, then surely the end result would be the same.

Damn, false accusations are the worst. I do think men are more forgiving then women. And there is more stigma when the man cheats.

[KostasKouvalis]

I can tell you from experience on this site though how many married women cheat, a lot of them for the same reason. Some of their husbands are even okay with it with certain boundaries

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis The man a virgin you mean? Honestly I don't get why would anybody cheat and blame their partner of being a non virgin, like they knew it before wedding and chose to wed this person but in he case they really want to cheat for some reasons they should ask for a "permission" to cheat.
Not any weirder than full on cheating, I would never be able to go behind the back of one of my love one like that and lie to him, i think being honest is always better, I don't get how people are able to lie like that without stress.
Yes but at least that would be honest cause here it sound pretty passive aggressive the was she did it.

In France there's as much stigma to men as women and both are pretty forgiving when in love pretty even though men cheat a lot more than women here.

[Asker]

I agree, I'm not going to simp or cuck for a whore who can't keep her legs closed.

[alice55]

Many men would forgive her in France but cheating is not seen as horrible as is it in America, people are more forgiving here and giving second chance.
But either ways people need to do what feel comfortable to them, i couldn't forgive cheating either.

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis It don't even surprise me to be honest so many people cheat it's crazy

[KostasKouvalis]

Yes, that part I agree with.
I get what you're saying, but at least if you don't say anything you have a chance of not getting caught and salvaging the marriage.
I don't see you as someone who would cheat even with permission though, that's why I was surprised, though I kind of get what you're saying. But that's stuff that can end a marriage. But some couples do enter into open relationships, but that's definitely something that should be discussed before marriage.
I actually asked a question a while ago if people would marry someone they couldn't trust with their darkest secrets. Some people said yes, or said they would just keep it from their partner. I personally couldn't marry someone I couldn't trust 100%. Some people do then are surprised when their own spouse snitches on them to the police. I read one story about a guy who robbed a bank and was living under a fake name and his wife and kids didn't even know until he was dying. I was honestly disgusted that someone would be THAT selfish.

[KostasKouvalis]

I know, trust me, I know XD
Yeah, I know loyalty is very important to you and I know the kind of stuff you consider cheating.

Yeah, I've discussed this with you before. And yes, I was surprised too, and online it's so much easier to get away with it. It seemed a lot of these women suppressed their urges early on for religious or moral reason and now they're regretting it.

[KostasKouvalis]

It seems so weird to me though that some men would allow their wives to cheat. I guess some have a kink/fetish, but it makes me think they got married just out of peer pressure and don't actually have strong feelings for each other. I can still understand him letting her do something with a girl, but with another man? That's so weird.

[ZackBan]

Rare case of a husband taking the wife to the cleaners.

But good for you.

I feel empathy for her but not sympathy.
She should've had her experiences before getting hitched.

People tend to defile the sanctity of marriage far too easily these days.

Hopefully she learned a lesson (although I doubt it)
Did you ever find out how she turned out?

[AviatorTom]

That is certainly no reason to cheat. If she wanted to have some experience, she should gave done that before marriage, like many do. Congratulations on having a good divorce lawyer.

[Finchie40]

No, that is a lame excuse , kick her ass to the curb where she belongs

[Apple1996]

Nah at that point she should have just asked you for a open relationship/3 sum/something else to fill that need other than cheating

[Apple1996]

I do totally agree with her that it's unfair to be a virgin then marry a non virgin but that doesn't mean it's okay to cheat

[Asker]

I agree. I valued the wedding vows, I've never cheated on anyone. One of her many justifications was that it's not cheating if she tells me. And then as she was leaving Friday for her fucking weekend, she told me that I should meet the guy, that I would see that he is no threat, I told her politely that if I met him I'd likely end him so best not risk that. But as I said in the question, she came home to a locked house, divorce papers, a missing car, and her stuff on the lawn.

[Apple1996]

Tell you isn't as bad as fully cheating behind your back I guess

[Asker]

Doesn't make it hurt any less, I devoted 6 years of marriage and two years prior to that dating.

[Apple1996]

I have a friend on here that admitted to me he cheated in his marriage (for the same reason he was a virgin at marriage and curious about having another partner). He said his wife still doesn't know so something like that would be pretty bad in comparison to knowing

[Asker]

Good God that guy is a POS. I could never do that to someone I cared for.

[RavVid]

In reality there is no substantive difference in asking for an open relationship/3sum and unilaterally declaring it open.

It was her choice to be virgin on marriage and to marry a non-virgin so the justification of unfair is specious.

It must have been obvious to her she was ending the marriage so the divorce could not have been a surprise either.

[adventurous-1]

No, she cheated for whatever reason and that's not acceptable if you didn't agree to open up the marriage. Would she accept you cheating because she was inexperienced and boring in bed? Language is there for communication between partners, but an effort has to be made by the unhappy party to express what they're concerned about unless the love and respect is gone and not worth their effort and they no longer care. Then its time to move on.

[TonyV]

That's a terrible excuse, that's worse than her being mad at you or finding some guy extremely sexy. If she wanted experience she should have had a wild Bachelorette party, or askex for breaf break before marriage, or something.

[animalwithin]

No, this girl is playing you and happy to be doing it. If she wanted experience, she could have gotten it before she committed to marrying you. This girl is a cheater, irrespective of her reason why, cut her loose.

[IslaTheWitch]

lol... cheating is cheating... it's sad if she couldn't understand it...

[PeachyPie93]

I get the sentiment but no, there is no excuse for cheating since it isn't like she had to stay or even marry you if the fact you fucked others in the past bothered her, it's all on herself.

[LazerBean]

I would not stay with a cheater.

This post reminds me of every promiscuous guy on here who also expects his wife to be a virgin.

[KostasKouvalis]

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If she was a virgin, that's HER problem. She made the choice not to sleep around before marriage, so she should be loyal to her husband. She should've done that stuff before she settled down

[Ms_Facesitter]

Dear men. Don't take her back. Cheating is unacceptable. If she wanted sex, she should have voiced it to you. And if you want to stay virgin until marriage, she should have broken up instead.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Before I answer that, how exactly is it YOUR fault she chose to wait until marriage before having sex?

[NathanDavis]

I can always forgive, yes... but the relationship still ends

[4ngelic]

if i was a man, hell no. what kind of dumb excuse is that

[LiamJHayden]

I would forgive her, but I'd still divorce her and never touch her again. Forgiveness does not mean subjecting oneself to getting kicked in the teeth again.

[Anonymous]

No that doesn't sound like a good excuse, she could have done that before marriage.

[Asker]

Or before she ever got with me.

[jmstarling]

It's not a good excuse. If she wanted an open relationship, she should have told you beforehand and waited for you to agree with it.

[Anonymous]

forgive her for being brainwashed by feminist propaganda? nah fuck that

[Avicenna]

Hell no- she's gone

[Anonymous]

No I would not. I've been cheated on by two girlfriends and at this point I'm so angry I have zero tolerance for cheating.

[Anonymous]

It's a poor excuse and I guess you thought the marriage wasn't otherwise worth saving.

You're reaction seems harsh though.

[Asker]

Why shouldn't it be harsh? Women do worse to cheating men every day. If anything the whore deserved what she got.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not in a place to judge your particulars. You both did what you did. I wasn't there.
Women do do this sort of thing, it's true. And when they do, we think less of them.

[Asker]

i certainly dont, especially if she is doing something to someone that cheated on her. I can't stand cheaters. They are monsters, They exist without empathy without a soul. Once they have committed that act, they stop being human to me.

[on_my_knees]

And what was your excuse for your inability to demand obedience?

[Anonymous]

Lol she’s right. To be stuck with a small dick? Lol

[Asker]

Lol what? How in hell did you get that from my question? Apparently we have a worthless anon hurling insults. Rather than useful comments. Do your self a favor, win your self a Darwin award.

[JonCobretti]

WTH? Leave her asap

[exitseven]

I would do the samr thing that you did.

[jahaims]

No lmfao. I have self respect