Should a man who cheats on his wife be forgiven?

[Anonymous]

[SteveSmith1985]

I think that this depends on the individual person. If you're in this situation yourself, then I think that only you are going to be able to answer this. Nobody else can even be of very much help.

It depends so much on your own, personal beliefs.

It's going to depend on your own personal life experiences and history.

It's going to depend on the exact nature of your relationship with your husband. It's going to depend on what promises were made between the two of you (spoken and implied). And it's goin to depend on how you personally feel about the nature of the crime of breaking those promises.

It really is something that only you can answer for yourself, and your particular marriage. I don't know what you've been through together. You do. Only you know whether his betrayal is unforgiveable, or not.

It's ok to not be sure. It's ok to need time to figure out whether or not forgiveness is possible.

I don't know if I could forgive my wife for that. I am not married. And what I think I would do, isn't really realevant for you.

Only you can answer this question for your specific marriage.

Good luck 🙂

[Haha456]

often times spouses don't have the choice to leave. Leaving from a marriage is different from leaving a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. You might not be able to get a decent paying job after years of being unemployed. You might know things might get worse for you after divorce. You and your husband are probably paying off a huge mortgage together. Kids might still be very attached to both parents.

Usually when a man cheats but never leaves his wife. Its usually because he still loves her but he just wants a bit more excitement in his life. He wants to enjoy the company of his wife while still being able to fuck hotter chicks around. His wife knows that her husband's heart is still on her side which is why she is still staying with him.

But generally, most married men don't cheat due to this reason. Most of them cheat because there is something very dysfunctional going in the marriage. In other words, he still loves her but the marriage is in a chronically terrible state. Many people think that married people tend to divorce when they are less than happy. But its not true. Most married people don't divorce unless there is absolutely no other option. They rather settle , as long as it is bearable.

[AmeerX]

It is not always the hotter chicks. Sometimes in fact most times the other woman is just a plain person. He just wants someone caring and loving.

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

yes I know that. Thats why I mentioned that this type of cheating is usually done when the marriage is chronically dysfunctional. And there is a likely chance that the other woman is being used and tricked. She believes that he loves her but when really he's just looking to use her than go back to his wife after the marriage trouble resolves.

One thing that I always tell women is : If he hadn't left his wife in the first month, he will never leave his wife.

[AmeerX]

Actually, it depends, most guys just keep staying for the kids. And some can be there because they really just want a poly relationship

[AmeerX]

They actually want to adjust two girls with each other and keep the side chick as a third wheel. Just someone who can be his part time lover so to speak

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

I have been online dating for many years. Over the course of the term, I have met many married men. What I have found was that :

1. its highly rare to find a man who is staying married simply to be with the kids.
2. In some cases, the wife is aware the husband is cheating. But she knows ultimately his heart is on her side, not the side chicks. Once you are married, it is hard to leave especially if you don't have any career prospects. Your life can very well be worse off after divorce.
3. Most side chicks are not aware they are side chicks.

you're talking about of a man's imagination. I'm talking from a real world perspective having observed people for many years.

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

In reference to point 3, it is usually she knows that he has a wife but she thinks that he is in love with her and loves her more.

[AmeerX]

Interesting 🤔 especially the part about a woman thinking the man will love her more.
Actually, she is not incorrect. Many men actually leave the wife for the lover or in a compromise situation ask the first wife to bear with the lover.
At least in my country the mistresses are not prioritized but they are turned to second wives. My servant actually did something like that but he got his mother's support in his case. And I kind of supported the second marriage to make sure he doesn't go get a third wife as his enjoyment. He eloped with the first wife then eloped with the second wife then married later.

[AmeerX]

This doesn't mean he doesn't love the first wife like you said. But he loves his children from the first wife.

I guess it makes me feel a little bit weird his mother encouraged the cheating behavior even though she is a divorcee

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

different cultures deal with it differently. Different cultures may also have different values.

I'm talking about mistresses in america, not other cultures.

Having a second wife is not legal in the US. Because women are respected more in america than in your country.

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

[I guess it makes me feel a little bit weird his mother encouraged the cheating behavior even though she is a divorcee]

one thing that you need to realize is that parents will ALWAYS stand on their side of their children no matter what. Even if she yells at him for doing something wrong, she will always love and care for her son.

Never see your mother in law as on your side. Once anything goes wrong , she will always protect her son

[AmeerX]

You could say that but still as a woman her protecting him was pretty low key.

And yes, cheating is cheating. People should avoid it. But I think if a guy cheats in an abusive relationship then he shouldn't be ostracized

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

[And yes, cheating is cheating. People should avoid it. But I think if a guy cheats in an abusive relationship then he shouldn't be ostracized]

if you're in an abusive marriage, you can seek marriage counseling. you can divorce. cheating is not appropriate in ANY situation.

[AmeerX]

Usually, it ends in divorce simultaneously. Well, if the wife is a battle axe getting a divorce can be pretty hard. She might break the nose or limb. someone I know used to get beaten by his wife and I don't know why he kept sticking to her. Old habits perhaps or he thought he can't do much better

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

Its women who tend to get beaten by men way more than men who get beaten by women. Its very hard for a much weaker person to hurt someone bigger taller and stronger

[AmeerX]

I suppose but I can tell you domestic abuse of men is on the rise and most don't really report it.
And I think even a steel glass thrown at the unexpecting person could break his face no matter how much strong he is

[Haha456]

@AmeerX

aggressors are rarely ever women. Its always the man who is the aggressor. All throughout history, men have beaten their wives. Its a very common thing around the world.

[AmeerX]

Historically true. No point differing

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's a tough choice. You sit down and ask yourself if it's worth it. If he's worth another chance, if what you have been through is together is worth rebuilding after he broke your trust. If you believe he recognizes that too and can correct himself, you can perhaps take him back... that is if you think you yourself can forgive him and not be consumed by the fear of having him cheat again.
It's a very difficult choice will take weeks, months or maybe longer... and it takes the both of you to be just as determined to work things out.

[RangerBlue22]

This not always black and white. I’ve seen women tolerate crap they shouldn’t because:

A) the guy makes a lot money and she’s dependent on that

and/or

B) he’s got some sort of special emotional leverage on her (he’s a highly manipulative asshole and always was)

and/or

C) she feels like if the relationship/marriage ends she has somehow “failed” and the other women won or something.

That doesn’t justify what the guy has done of course. But there are rare cases where the man really does make a one time huge mistake and it’s possible to be forgiven. But that depends on a lot of things.

However one thing I do know is you will never see a man trying to excuse his bs like female cheaters do. He will never get away with saying “oh you won’t there for me” or “she made me special” or some other crap. Even if it’s true it’s still beyond pathetic for a man to say that. Yet female cheaters for some reason get all sorts of societal leeway to gaslight her partner for her own shitty decisions. Like she’s the real “victim” or something. That pisses me off.

[AmeerX]

Actually that's what European personalities do more confidently. A guy who cheats will admit he did and will divorce his wife for the lover. Don't see that in America. Here male cheaters start justify

[RangerBlue22]

@AmeerX there is a lot of conflicting attitudes in the USA. Our country was founded on people leaving for conflicting reasons. Some people wanted to be puritans while others wanted to be Quaker’s. But all in all “optics” is a big deal.

But back to cheating. Men don’t (nor shouldn’t) have an plausible excuse for cheating. They will never get away with blaming it on their girlfriend/wife nor should they. But I noticed this disgusting conceited attitude some women have about cheating. They make a shitty decision and they can’t handle the guilt. So instead of owning up to they fixate on how their boyfriend/husband “drove” them too it.

It’s like a someone who picks up a bad habit (alcoholism, drugs, etc.). They might of had a shitty childhood and upbringing. They look for things to escape anxiety and depression. Their vices are understandable BUT they will always be responsible for their decisions.

Men generally own up to being wrong and accepting the consequences better than women. Women will only “own up” to being wrong if their is still something in it for them (they don’t want to lose their boyfriend/husband.). That’s a fake humility. They just can’t admit to being a cheating whore when they do this crap.

[AmeerX]

I see your point but I was just appalled that so many girls here said they got cheated on multiple time
My God, Americans you have so many beautiful girls and yet you want to cheat. I mean you get love and everything from a girl. At least leave her some grace.
I can say in my country people are stuck in arranged marriages mostly. So, even though in arranged marriages I thought cheating was more but I think it is much less. We stick to what's available (( for badder or worst sadly

[RangerBlue22]

@AmeerX we around immersed in a completely sexualized society. It’s all over the place with social media, the internet, movies, how women dress, etc. Yet we are increasingly lonely and depressed. Reason being everything is about the quick fix. Temptation abounds.

I had a good friend from India who taught me a lot about arranged marriages. Although I would be horrified who my mom would choose there is a part of me that sees that in many ways this could be for the best. Being in a committed marriage does statistically bring long term happiness.

Also about American women being “beautiful”. Some are but a lot of them let themselves go to shit. Some get fat just because they are lazy and instead blame a “fat shaming” culture. Others destroy their natural beauty with tattoos, unnatural hair colors and ugly ass nose rings. They think they are rebelling against a “patriarchal” system when in reality the USA is probably the most free and supportive culture of women’s rights in human history. Yet many western women find merit in believing they are “victims”. It’s asinine.

[AmeerX]

Yeah, I don't feel right with arranged marriages myself. I got no choice ((. But I am thinking you are right. I am actually scared of the undeniable fact that many girls are sadly like you said bit still I think it is so weird. Why cheat on an intelligent and beautiful girl? Don't people have anything productive to do?

[AmeerX]

I mean if I had a girl half as beautiful and caring from US I don't think I did look at another girl so much as cheat 😂.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Forgiveness does not mean a continuation of the relationship.

I can forgive almost anything but I won't put myself in that situation again.

To continue the relationship would be hard and up to both of them to decide to or not.

[AmeerX]

You know you are a very sensible person. I just hope no one cheats on you

[Aerissa_Jade]

@AmeerX Already happened several times

[AmeerX]

Why would anyone be crazy enough to cheat on a girl like you? Come on you must be joking

[Aerissa_Jade]

@AmeerX Nope, not only that... I've had guys just up and leave without saying anything, move away as a way to break up.

[LovingLoverReturned]

@AmeerX some guys just copy what their fathers/mothers did. Some just do it because they have NPD... sometimes it's because their needs aren't met. Lots of reasons that dont always have to do with the others fault.

[AmeerX]

@LovingLoverReturned so weird ((

[BlueScorpio]

I will forgive eventually but as far as trying to continue the relationship I don't think I could. I would not feel safe with the person and couldn't bring myself to feel close to them again.

[OlderAndWiser]

What facts would justify offering forgiveness?

[Guy13]

There is no other option.

[Asker]

I didn't understand. How is there no other option?

[OlderAndWiser]

Of course there is another option: you tell them that their behavior is unforgiveable and an absolute deal breaker, and you immediately end the relationship.

[AmeerX]

So you want people to never forgive you because you know they will forgive you if you cheat?
Be at least remorseful.
I do think when a man cheats a girl should also look at how she treated him. But this is ridiculous

[Guy13]

That's just from my perspective. People are not perfect. I am glad you are. good luck in your future perfect search.

[AmeerX]

I am not saying I am perfect. Don't get offended and defensive. I am just saying we shouldn't take things for granted. If everyone is just going to forgive cheating then everyone will just cheat.

[CubsterShura]

That is entirely a decision for the wife to make. But if she thinks that she will continue to hold resentment from the cheating or she cannot accept that fact that most cheaters are likely to cheat again, it is a more sensible choice to end the relationship because trying to stay would only hurt more.

[LovingLoverReturned]

It depends. But it's up to you. How would you feel getting back with him? Eill you ever trust him again? Relationshio without trust is not a enjoyable... Is he repentant? Have you guys identified the deep rooted reason he cheated IF there is any and it's not simply because he is shallow.

[sage2021]

No forgiveness for cheating back stabbers! To the curb you go!! Go and live with your slut, and you will be paying for our divorce too. Screw him and anyone that looks like him.

Every woman should listen to the song "Let me smell your Dick" on YouTube.
When you know he's out cheating then finally comes home you can sing this song to him.
It'll crack you up. There are different versions, but the black chicks get down and sing it the best. 😎

[AmyHew1tt]

Forgiveness? Maybe. But divorce first. Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to. Why do people try to separate the two genders like cheating is different with each one?

That said, it's up to the couple in question. Sometimes they can come through it.

[Mansearching]

Absolutely. Who said men only cheat. I typed above that I walked in on an ex-gf cheating.

[Vegasrunner]

@AmyHew1tt Bevause it is. It's more difficult for men to cheat, so usually we admire people that accomplish difficult task. Also sex isn't as important to men as it is for women. For men sex is like taking a piss.

[AmeerX]

Male cheating is different from female cheating. Most times wives aren't doing the things to show the man she still is making him happy or care for him like he does.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

It's a thing that it's up for the wife to decide whenever to forgive or not.

To be honest I've seen a lot of wives around me forgiving or pretending to not know that their husbands had other women, and also some husbands not caring or forgiving their wives' affair. They seem happy people, at least on the surface - few are willing to divorce here.

[Moose304]

YES! You should always forgive. When you forgive they stop living rent-free in your brain. The thing is forgiving them does not mean taking them back. Cheating is a trust breaker. How can a person exist in a relationship when they can't trust their partner? This dynamic also applies to other types of relationships. There are tons of examples throughout history where a business partner stabbed them in the back.

[Mansearching]

I've never forgiven any girl that's cheated on me. I broke it off. I've even walked in on one. Just told them, "Have fun!" Then I walked out.

I would expect at least the same thing from her. If she forgives but not forgets, then love conquered all.

[AdithyaR]

Personally I'd say that cheaters don't deserve forgiveness at all. It's something that's an immediate breakup cause.

But I can't speak for others, it depends on them, so if a person wants to forgive their partner for cheating, then they can by all means. But they should remember that there's always the risk of the cheater repeating their actions.

[Mangospacho]

The first time? Yes, but there have to be changes made on his part since the wife has every reason not to trust him in the near-term. Anytime the wife wants to know where he is and who he’s with and when he’s going to be where he’s going to be, he has to tell her. If he has a problem with her not trusting him after he betrayed her trust, then he doesn’t feel any remorse for cheating and shouldn’t be forgiven. If he cheats a second time? No way. He is going to keep cheating.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

“A cheater will always be a cheater.”

Cheaters won't change that easily. Once they've tried cheating, it becomes a part of who they are as a person. Though change can be possible, they're just rare cases.

[Daniela1982]

Forgiving is one thing, but forgetting is another. If you forget you will remember soon enough when he does it again. "Don't worry babe, my wife is really forgiving. Now get that bra off!"

[SarahS98]

She doesn't have to forgive and honestly I wouldn't. I believe once trust is gone then it's hard to regain it. Why bother going through all the headache when you can file for divorce and start with someone new.

[sheikalana]

I believe everyone needs a second chance in life. If he really and truly regrets what he did he deserves to be forgiven and given a second chance to prove he loves and wants to stay with his wife.

[DrBanana]

That’s a personal choice, if a girlfriend cheated on my I may forgive them but still break up and not forget what they had done.


It’s down to each person and if they can live with the choice.

[Anonymous]

If you love him, yes. But don't forget and he needs to work to rebuild the trust. He needs to face the consequences of his actions regardless of his excuses. Eventually he will earn his trust back.. but always verify.

[Opinion Owner]

If he isn't willing to earn his trust back then he doesn't deserve to be forgiven

[msc545]

The problem with cheaters is that they almost always do it again. And again. and again. It is an addiction, and addictions are not cured by a few harsh words and some threats, and a bit of counseling.

[HighValue]

No cheaters, man or woman should ever be forgiven.

[Labokachulaa]

Yes I believe everyone should be forgiven, but I wouldn't take them back.

[Agirlinneedhelp]

I think the relationship would be bruised. Even if you decide to stay, it won't be the same.

[Katyalov]

Forgive? Yes. To stay with him? Absolutely not. Once that trust is gone, there’s no point in being with that person.

[rienna888]

No because if they cheat it mean they don’t love you enough or they’re not respectful enough to be in a relationship. That’s what I think

[exitseven]

I do not think so. That is usually the last straw.

[annabananna]

If he is remorseful and willing to work out his issues and she wants to forgive him then go ahead.

[Mansearching]

I've walked in on a cheating girlfriend. I couldn't stay or forgive. As I said in post love conquers all. If its true love.

[AmeerX]

You know for a married girl you are too kind. I thought you would say something very harsh

[AmeerX]

@Mansearching I never understand are cheaters so dumb they keep door open for husband and wife to catch them?

[Mansearching]

@AmeerX Everything was locked. I opened br door and there they were. Never thought that I could come home early. Why say something harsh? Not going to change anything.

[AmeerX]

@Mansearching still if it was me I don't think I could control my anger. Probably get enough super strength to beat the two of themcombined. Still sorry to hear your story
do you seek another relationship after that one?

[Mansearching]

@AmeerX I didn't for awhile.

[BJP21]

My former girlfriend and I agreed on 1 hall pass if you will. In those 10 years we were together, we had never used them.

[FinalFantasyBro]

It depends on his wife or husband because he doesn't get to have a say after he cheated.

[worldscolide]

I do not forgive that kind of transgression.

[ThatCanucker]

shouldn't this be a gender neutral question as in should someone who cheats on their spouse be forgiven?

[Twalli]

It's her decision. I probably wouldn't forgive a life partner for cheating, but I don't know the full story.

[Anonymous]

I say no. But, I've long since given up trying to help women in this dept. If she really feels that's the kind of respect she deserves...

[Minahh]

A liar should never be forgiven, because he will lie again
-Buddha

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. As long as it was just sex. Not like spending money on her or something.

[kallmesagg]

sadly yes, only because people fall weak but men fall weaker. you can be forgiven but you can’t forget what they’ve done.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That all depends on him and if he's willing to change also if he still loves her.

[panamared1]

each wife is different, what is in her heart

[Anonymous]

It's no big deal, so yes. by the way Same with women as well.

But you can break up

[Tina19]

If i am that wife then never forgiving him

[cryscrys1]

His life can be forgiven

[EmmaMary]

No, absolutely not.

[mb120101]

You can if you want, but will it be the same?

[boggboss]

U would personally say no

[Downhill20]

No. Get away now. Red flag.

[spiritGirl13]

Yes, no man is perfect at the moment.

[TacosRAwesome]

It's her choice to forgive or not.

[Cubus]

If he regrets.

[Jccowen77]

Nope. Leave him in the dust.

[Brando10222]

Man or woman it's a no

[driven159]

That is up to his partner

[WTFdivorce]

Thats up to the partner lol

[ZenJen444]

Omg these tired ass questions

[Fleet7635]

I don’t recommend it

[sassy_receptor]

Hell no. He can die.

[dustybiker]

He already left.

[Agape93]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

I think that should be for after the divorce.

[DavidRaul]

Nope

[Literalbillionaire17]

No burn him