Is it possible to forgive your wife for cheating?

[Anonymous]

If you cheat on your wife and she in turn has sex with your good friend, can you ever forgive her? She told you in an argument 13 years later. You have cheated multiple times over the years and she has always forgiven you.

Updates

+1 y

My husband struggles with who I cheated with. The friend has a buy "He did what he was supposed to do as a man", whereas none of the circumstances around my reasoning at the time matter. For those that asked about why my husband cheated the first time, because he's a cheater, it feeds his insecurities and his feeling of inadequacy.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

This revelation of this reverse cheating by the wife was a bad choice after a whole 13 years. It was 13 years ago. It does not even matter now. This just tells that the wife feels something about this reverse cheating even after 13 years.

Yes, I would forgive her as she has forgiven me many many time.

Personally, I would not cheat on my wife. I would not be able to and want to. So, the question only gets applied to me in hypothetical situation only.

[Asker]

Yes, the weight of the indiscretion was heavy over the years and I told because I thought someone else was going to. I know the feeling of the loss of innocence, and now he feels it... some can't see past the loss to understand that it becomes a more realistic love and some prefer the innocence. He doesn't believe he will ever be able to trust me again. Thank you for the thought put into your answer.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

He should put himself in your place and try to simulate your feelings over his repetitive cheating. The loss of innocence you must have felt along with the loss of trust and direction.

[Guy13]

Yes and if you guys are Christian then there is no choice in the matter.

[Jamie05rhs]

False. I'm a Christian and it's never acceptable to cheat.

[Guy13]

@Jamie05rhs Apparently, you have never opened your Bible or you are one of those secularized and so called Christians.

Off the top of my head read Mark 10, Malachi 2:10-18ish, and definitely 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 for you (conjugal rights).

Given our Season: See Joseph as if there was ever a guy who "could have" divorced his wife for cheating but followed the Word of the LORD...

[Jamie05rhs]

@Guy13 I could say the same about you!!

Joseph is a red herring and you know it. MARY DID NOT CHEAT!! FFS!!! Her baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit, which was a miracle (not naturally possible.)
Obviously you're not even a Christian if you didn't know that.

[Guy13]

@Jamie05rhs No kidding. Apparently you can't read either. And do not know your Bible and can't let scripture speak and demonstrate your thinking is wrong. YOU are not God even though you think you are.

And your demeanor and large print etc shows there is no Fruit of Spirit in you, therefore, no saving faith. I have no time for the devil in my life...

[Avicenna]

There is no way the Bible finds cheating in any way permissible. See David/Bathsheba, for example. There is also the canon of church law against it.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

@Avicenna @Guy13 @Jamie05rhs
You all are arguing with The Bible as the reference. I really have not even held a bible in hand.

But @Guy13, you need to be a bit subtle in what you say. I mean, it may not matter here on this site, but in real life, that matters.

[Asker]

@guy13, thank you for sighting the scriptures. I have read them but never in this situation and remembered them quite different. This is how the Bible is, at different times in life the same scripture can mean different things. God guides us to the interpretation. Please do not quibble, I feel that all of you are correct. The Bible tells us to stay but also gives us a buy to leave when it comes to adultery. I was wrong and I let my anger and pain lead me to a vengeful act that I can not change. Everything happens for a reason. My husband is a good man, with a horrible vice. I only hope that he can see past my indiscretion. It is not my place to judge him, but only to pray for him. Thank you again.

[Summeroflove]

It’s possible to forgive. But would probably be me in divorce

[AviatorTom]

It's always possible to forgive... you don't have to forget.

[mrinalashesh007]

Well, depends on the circumstances totally. Now given the situation, may be both can own up their ugly truth and give their relationship a fresh start by forgiving each other. Of course there would be this strain in their relationship but then if they both work it out, i think it'll be fine. Need to give it some time though to show results.

[mstbooblover]

Fair enough, but who are we to judge? I did never cheat on my wife, but had she admitted to have herself, honestly I wouldn't bother very much. Interested I would to know a bit more, but that would not change the person I lived with and loved. In your example you mention a hypothetical friend of mine to be the culprit. A bit awkward, but what is there to win to confront him after all those years? I would probably just keep it for myself and thus avoid useless fuss.

[Asker]

I explained more in an update... thank you for your reply. I wish my husband was more like you in his views.

[mstbooblover]

Well, shouldn't we keep in mind that being engaged does not all of a sudden make other potential partners disappear? Some circumstances should also be taken into account, and sometimes resisting the tentation can prove very difficult. I don't think one should try to find logical reasons for cheating. Some people can resist tentation better than others, whether girls or guys.

[MrOracle]

I don't cheat, and I don't tolerate cheaters.

I can't speak to how a cheater might feel about it, but to me, cheating is toxic and selfish behavior that is a complete betrayal of the relationship. Some people aren't bothered by it, though, so, I guess you'd have to see how it goes.

[Miristheiss]

I always like to call out this error. Forgiving is not the same thing as staying in a relationship with a mate. Everyone should forgive... eventually to free your own heart from the hate but I believe all cheaters should be left.

No one should ever stay with a cheater.

[aaron210419]

Once a relationship turns into a competition or a revenge match it's over. The most painful thing about cheating is that it is a betrayal, a literal stab in the back. Cheating not only leads to your partner questioning you, but it also makes them question themselves. "I thought I knew you but I don't, and who am I if I can be so wrong about someone I've dedicated so much into?" This kind of pain can take years to work through for some people, and some will never get over this kind of betrayal.

[Mangospacho]

It’s possible but a lot of times cheaters repeat their behavior and have a sense of entitlement when it comes to their cheating but when their spouse cheats, the are (ironically) completely disgusted and betrayed by such an act of infidelity. Yeah you can forgive cheating but, more often than not, the cheater doesn’t think they did anything wrong in the first place.

[7offman]

Depends on the circumstances. Like what was the motivation for keep cheating on each other? Why was the husband cheating to began with?


Personally when I’m with someone I commit but if I do something shady and get pushed for it then I wouldn’t be as angry.

[Anonymous]

LOL This is comedic. Really, it is. Why don't you give up on all this forgiveness bullshit, and start all over again with an open relationship, IF you actually still love each other. Obviously, he wants to fuck other women and doesn't care about how it makes you feel. Apparently, you'll tolerate it indefinitely, so why not drop the whole taboo restriction thing and both of you go fuck whoever you want?

[HighValue]

People like that deserve each other. At least they are staying away from the good moral people.

[SlothySlob]

Ha ha ha, this is a situation I'll never place myself in.
By my morals I'm required to forgive her, I don't know about your husband though.

[LiamJHayden]

Possible yes, even required. But that doesn't mean divorce is off the table. I would forgive someone who stole from me, but that doesn't mean the person gets to come back into my house.

[billmunch]

Sure, no problem. My wife doesn't know it her cheating turns me on

[Andres77]

It's possible, yes. Both ways. The goal is that it doesn't happen again.

[Andres77]

Then there's the issue of "the good friend"

[bamesjond0069]

Dump her ass. If a woman isn't faithful she's useless for a long term committed relationship. It's the primary purpose of a woman in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

13 years ago? Sounds like a hurt ego.
I don't like the tit for tat cheating though. It's not cool and you lose the moral high ground.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Guy13 You can be butthurt all you want. But it doesn't change the fact that you're wrong.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I would already be getting my divorce file labled." - Guy13

Now that people are getting married after 30s. Are bridesmaids and groomsmen necessary? Aren't people too old at that point to need their help? ↗

[Jamie05rhs]

@Avicenna @the_shadow_dweller

[Jamie05rhs]

Guy13 Stop being a coward and debate me like a man.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks @Avicenna and @the_shadow_dweller. I couldn't comment further on his comment because he blocked me.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker What's a "buy"?

[Anonymous]

I have never, and would never cheat. And I could not ever stay with a woman who cheated on me, or on anyone else.

[msc545]

You could forgive her, but she will do it again, just as you have.

[Tracker1958]

Absolutely not. She never gets a second chance. DNA test all the kids to see who their fathers are.

[BeyondBirthday]

If there is all this cheating going on why are you two still wasting your time together?

[jimmy2]

I had to over 25 times then I found out that I could forgive anyone for anything and that powerful

[SnowedIn]

Absolutely 100% yes.

[Iron_Man]

How can that be what’s done is done

[Danny_dan92]

Nah.

[In_Trance]

I don't think so

[Asker]

Why? And would there be an exception?

[In_Trance]

No i can't see that happening