My boyfriend keeps threatening to break up with me?

[Anonymous]

It has happened multiple times where we fight he makes comments at the end of each fight. For example, I had suggested that we take some space for 2 or 3 days to cool off the hurt, but he says "Ill try and remember to message you, if I dont forget about you". He has also said things like "I dont want to talk to you anymore, good luck" or "If I dont talk to you in 2 or 3 days it means I disappeared and Im done" and "Since you said that feeling guilty about breaking up with you feels less".

He says these things when I say whats on my mind and try to recorrect him on a misunderstanding or what I consider inappropriate behaviour (e. g., belittling me in a fight and not respectful). I apologise for what I said and he comes right back.

My family and friends notice I cry a lot due to these occurrences. I cry twice a month. Is this even normal to be doing this?

Updates

9 mo

Hi, thanks for everyone's responses. I have spoken to him about his behaviour, how it is deeply hurtful and it is not right for him to do those things. He also realises it, and he knows now it does hurt me a lot and he shouldn't be like that towards me. He is going to work on his behaviour and keep himself in check. I told him if he doesn't, I will. If he gets worse Im out. Thanks!

[Vesuvius87]

Make him your ex boyfriend soon and block him. You don't need that type of drama in your life. I had an ex boyfriend like that before, always threatening to break-up every single time he started an argument himself or we didn't agree on something. That's like walking on an unstable bridge that can break any moment. You don't need that.

[Asker]

You ever figure out why he is like that? I am trying to come to terms with my boyfriend and why he keeps making slanders. He keeps saying its for the better for me but it isn't helping anything, just making it worse.

[Vesuvius87]

He's like that because he likes being in control and sees you as a weak person that will tolerate trashy behavior. You don't deserve that treatment. No love should be worth drama. He's just a boyfriend anyways. You can end the toxic relationship at any time.

[kylee2437]

So this all depends on context. Are you rehashing arguments and constantly nagging him, or are you trying to be of reason and solve things that are an actual problem?

[Asker]

I have been rehashing past arguements mainly because I never got to fully heal or get closure from them. It has always been me keeping silent to keep the peace. He has also kept his silence too regarding his anger towards me and such.. he said he wants to be a good person but he is awful in arguements.. he belittles and says a lot of mean things which hurt ten times worse.

[Asker]

Oh, I am also trying to resolve things but we keep pushing our own thoughts across to each other where we do not hear each other. I have silenced myself so things get resolved quicker but I dont get the chance to say what I want to be heard

[kylee2437]

@asker sounds like both of your faults.

[abc3643]

Just dump him.
It's not going to work out.
The longer you have this shit with him in your life, the more or your time and his you are wasting.
Furthermore, you are wasting time and potential opportunities toward finding your next, better boyfriend.
Move on.

[Asker]

Thanks, I had mentioned to him some time off between us might help us understand what we want going forward but he refuses and wants to resolve things. But we keep getting hurt each time we try to resolve the issue at hand. It isn't working.. it ends up me being in silence to avoid making the situation worse, and not making the fight last for more than 3 days...

[melnc]

At this point, you're the problem, not him. Quit putting on the victim mask and fix your life.
🤦

[Asker]

We both have issues to resolve but threatening to break up or leaving or disappearing doesn't help the situation at all. We both agree we are not perfect human beings but unfortunately, he does become very disrespectful and hurtful in arguements. He has changed a bit but he is still unaware of his own underling issues. at least J am going to therapy

[DishLady]

When a guy starts playing the “stop and go” game with you it’s a red flag. You should just stop dealing with this guy and move on. You don’t deserve this.

[Alli112]

Not normal in relationships, 100% emotional manipulation on his part, leave him and do better for yourself.

(Seriously, it might do you good to look up emotional manipulation (try psych central, I think they give good summaries/explanations). Might help you understand why this stuff is affecting you the way it is and how to approach it better internally and externally.)

[PeachyPie93]

If you need breaks in a relationship or if you are constantly fighting. It means you two don't work together, it is like trying to fit two wrong pieces of a puzzle together it just don't work.

[Asker]

I had asked for a break in the past but he does not want to and ends up saying that he might forget to message me by the end of the break... its very harsh! I only wants what is best for both of us.. and now we are both crying at the end of the day

[sage2021]

If a guy was saying those things to me I would just let him have his wish and tell him that YOU are DONE!
Yes, like ripping off a bandaid really fast. It hurts, then they wound can start to heal.
The sooner you do it the better.

[normalice]

You are his backup plan and he is actively looking for someone better. He will leave when he thinks he has found someone. If that's okay with you, stay, if not you should move on as soon as you can and don't expect him to be nice about it.

[SamanthaSamantha99]

Mine does too just ignore him! If he wanted to actually break up, he would've. In the meantime, you should find someone else who doesn't make threats! And next time he threatens to break up, go to the next guy! 😂

[Ryannnnnnnwithtwo-N]

Woman. He's just threatening you with his stick of joy that you could snap with one finger. END THE SHIT UP. You love him (yes) but at the expense of your dignity? (fuck it).




(M NOT A FEMINIST)

[LaurenM1997]

He’s an asshole dump that asshole and get yourself a guy who you deserve because you can do better than that asshole

[dustybiker2]

End it first. Who wants that?

[MacDaddyRico]

He's trash.
You deserve better.

[chrissykerdock]

sounds like he needs blowjobs

[MacDaddyRico]

@chrissykerdock Good advice, though she may find it... hard to swallow...

[Ms_Facesitter]

Incompatibility.