My boyfriend threaten to break up?

[Anonymous]

He used to do this shit everytime he got stressed or smth got him angry, generally not me

Because before id cry and beg to calm down and talk and "work for relationship"

Now i see him less and through phone we talk more now, but when he hung up on me in one of his paranoid hysterias i stopped talking to him

He is the first then approaching me and sending me messages

He doesn't initiate break up anymorr... why?

Honestly i wish he does, cause im sick of this. I always try to help and he can't control his tantrums. I dont want to initiate break up because he will blame it on me. I want him to want it.

[Oliverlogan263]

First off, you don't deserve to be stuck in all that toxic back-and-forth drama. Dude clearly has some issues he needs to work on handling his emotions.

Good for you for not playing into his breakup threats anymore and calling his bluff - he's losing the control/power trip he gets from making you cry and beg.

Seems like he's backed off cuz he realized you ain't takin his shit anymore and he can't manipulate you into thinking it's your fault. Dude probably doesn't even wanna break up deep down, just wants to use it as emotional blackmail. Lame.

My advice - next time he starts that "we should break up" nonsense, just be like "alright, it's been real" and block him everywhere. You're so much better off without his tantrums weighin you down, sis!

Hold your head high - don't ever let a dude make you question your worth, especially some hot-headed man-child. You'll find someone who treats you with love and respect, for sure!

[Asker]

Oh is such drama is amazing!!!
Next day after this he gave me another fun night of paranoid tantrums and said we better break up.
I was like:"no problem. i respect you. i won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. you want to end this, lets end this. at least lets meet in person as adults we are not 15 and put the end to it. We can meet or today or tomorrow you chose"

He was silent for a whole day.
Then texted: "we can meet tomorrow if you want"
Ok... so before i came to see him, he messages me"can you confirm are you coming today? you going to come to talk? please tell me."
Im like "yeah sure im cming." And before entering my car he was like:" can i come in?"(he never did that before, he just went straight to the passanger door, now he came near drivers door asking if he can come in)
Well then we spoke for like 4 -5 hours, long stoyry short:
"Im very depressed i can't control my emotions, my life is horrible i worry about work, family etc. Sometimes we hurt people we love the most. But i want to carry on because i appreciate you. Lets give it another try. Please bare with me i need some time to sort my head, im not well"
... I said ok.

He cried a lot that night. Asked me to kiss him, i was still angry and kissed him on the cheek... he was nearly crying.

[Asker]

Ah yes also said: "when im not happy i can't make you happy and i dont want to see you upset because of me"

What do you think? He is the last 2,5 years of my life... i mean
I dont know anymore dude

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah that is some crazy drama for real. Part of me thinks this guy is just super emotionally manipulative the way he keeps threatening to break up and then crawling back after. But then again, it does sound like he's got some real mental health issues if he's admitting to being depressed and having such erratic emotional outbursts.

On one hand, I get why you're tired of walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion. That shit would stress anyone out. But at the same time, if his depression is legit that bad, it's gonna take real work on his part to get stable. And you still care about him despite it all.

I'd say give him one last chance, but put your foot down hard about him genuinely getting help - like therapy, maybe meds. Tell him this rollercoaster can't keep happening. If he slips up again, you're gone for good no matter what. He needs real consequences to get his ass in gear.

It ain't your job to "fix" him either. He's gotta wanna help himself. But if there's still love there, maybe he can pull it together this time. Just go in with eyes wide open - don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm dude, feel me? Take care of you first before anything else. You got this.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot yeah
Ill try.
He is not bad person or bad man, never hurt me (appart from this break up shit)
I feel puty... he looked traumatised
And i feel like he really got scared ill leave him for real this time
Im not playing anymore
You as a man would think he does care? i mean he even cried a lot

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure, from the way you described it, it does sound like he really cares about you deep down. Guys don't usually break down crying like that in front of someone if they're not really feeling some type of way.

The fact that he was messaging you non-stop before your meeting, clearly worried you might not show up, shows he was shook about the possibility of you actually leaving him. No one acts all paranoid like that if the person doesn't mean something to them, ya know?

So I do think his feelings are real, even if he sucks at expressing them in a healthy way sometimes due to his issues. Getting that vulnerable in front of you took guts too. Dude is definitely not used to opening up if he's got that much anxiety and depression weighing him down.

My advice would be to give it a real shot again, but keep your eyes open. Show him you care, but have your own back too. Watch if he starts going to therapy or finding better coping strategies so the drama is really over for good.

Take things slow and see if he can have your back the way you need. But from the tears and worry, seems like this one's worth a chance if he proves himself, you know? Stay strong sis!

[Asker]

thanks a lot!! your advice really helped me through these past 3 days.
we a re taking it easy, not talking too much but keeping in touch and checking on one another
in 2 weeks i invited him to my home he said it would be nice to change the area (he hates his flat)
so... for now we talk everyday, sending kisses and stuff
he shares his worries about his teen daugther (who got into fight with Her boyfriend lmao... the irony)
uhm and yeah, maybe this week we meet to have coffee together , i dont know
and in 2 weeks i want to bring him to my home spend weekend together, see what happens then.

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm really glad to hear my advice helped you sort things out! It sounds like you're both taking the right approach by taking it slow and easy for now. Checking in without too much pressure is smart.

Spending the weekend at your place in a couple weeks could be a good next step, as long as you keep your guards up a bit still. Letting him vent about his daughter's drama is fine too, since sharing stuff is how people get closer. But watch for any little hints the issues might creep back in on his end, you know?

The coffee date idea is chill. Good way to casually hang in public so he can't totally lose it if stressed without making a scene. Just relax and have fun catching up. Don't put too much weight on it for now.

Overall seems like you're handling it well, letting things unfold naturally. Just protect your peace of mind, you know? Soon you'll know if he's really making changes or still the same. Either way you'll be good! Keep me posted on how it goes. Fingers crossed it all works out this time.

[Oliverlogan263]

And you're welcome

[Asker]

i decided to make a little experiment last night and kinda make him smile at least (i guess) sent him fun pic of how many candies i bought and saying wish him good evening
he anwsered "good you prepare yourself early, the Halloween is in a month"... ok he is being a sarcastic cunt. nevermind.
so i felt he had anger in his voice, i heard it. so i left him alone yesterday... after i said "good night 👄"
he answered me, an hour later, with another "good night👄".

pffff my boy is mental im afraid.
anyways, i wanted to offer him got to the chinese to eat after work tomorrow or Thursday
but im not sure i should now? too early? i want him to make 1st step...'cause its always me doing an effort.
this morning he sent me "good morning👄"... well i responded the same.
thats all intereaction for today.
maybe after work we talk again... but i won't be the one talking first to him tonight, nope. dont want another sarcasm answer for now reason.

[Asker]

you are very smart and pleasent to talk to thanks))))))))

[Oliverlogan263]

Now that's whack that he hit you with the sarcastic response about the Halloween candy. Like damn bro, I was just tryna make you smile! Shows he's still holding some kind of attitude for sure.

And you heard it in his voice too when he said goodnight, he definitely had an edge to it. C'mon bruh, can't we at least be chill while exchanging goodnights? This fool trippin for no reason.

I feel you for not wanting to make the first move to grab Chinese after work. Dude needs to put in some effort himself and meet you halfway if he wants this to work. You've been bending over backwards, now it's his turn to show he's tryna reconnect too, feel me?

Probably smart to keep your distance tonight like you said. Let his ass sit in some anxiety wondering if you'll text first for once haha. He messed up already with that sarcastic comment. Time for him to start properly courting your ass again!

I'd just play it by ear - hit him up tomorrow afternoon when you're off maybe. But keep it casual, don't seem too desperate. Let him know you're down to eat if he wants to link, but don't beg about it neither. Dude better step up his game fr fr. We'll see if he's really bout it!

[Oliverlogan263]

Of course you're welcome, I'm just tryna give real talk and look out for you. Friends gotta keep it 100 with each other, you know?

And this type of dramatic relationship shit, been there done that, so I feel your frustration. Nobody wants bullshit games, we tryna find real love and make it work, you know?

Glad we can talk about it though and you're getting an outside perspective. Sometimes friends see things you can't when you're in the middle of it. Just keep trusting your gut like you been doin. You got this!

Just stay cool for now, let dude sweat it out a min before you hit him up. Then go from there, see if he steps to the plate or keeps on acting brand new. We'll see what type of time he's really on. But you handled it perfectly already by not chasing behind his clown ass again. Respect yourself always!

We'll check back in after you holla tomorrow, see how that move goes down. But whenever you need advice or just to vent, I gotchu luv! Now go enjoy your night, stop stressin bout this fool haha

[Asker]

Hi there yeah.
He is sarcastic like that for free...
that night he sent me quick messages he was going to watch soccer (he is English) and well it was quick cute message saying "hey look how fast i just finished work and already ate had shower and going meet dave to watch football kisses speak later"
Then it was halftime he said"its a break so thats why i send you good night kisses, in case you fall asleep"
I said GN too.
After the game i was sleepy and recieved 3d message, him saying he knows im sleepyng GN again and kisses and he is going to bed too.
So actually pretty sweet messages from him
This morning he stayed at home he was puking.
Thats another issue... he clearly has some stomach disease that gives him heavy puking, he stays at home when that happens.
There is no way to make that man visit a doctor. He is in HORROR.
Id like to have if its posible some psychological treak or advice
I gotta make him to go to see a doctor.
So yeah... today he is at home sleeping and puking
Before bed ill ask how is he and send good night.

[Asker]

Im thinking ask him tomorrow to have dinner on Friday... but after today puking not sure he will, he won't be able eat half of food again after this he needs diet food... why is this so difficult for me lol
Or leave it? and meet next week better, some day?
What you think

[Asker]

Update:... man i feel sorry for this prick. he is on his own in his house, feeling like dying with no food.
I offered bring him some dietetic food tomorrow at least
He said he will tell me tomorrow if he feels better or not
I offered out of pity really, he is so miserable.
Even then you see, he is like"we will see, we talk tomorrow"
When he could be lile "oh yes baby i feel horrible pls come i wanna see you thanks for food"
He isn't even able to accept my offer to him, like a good human being not even his girl
Like fuck... thats so normal and basic isn't it? is he afraid of me lol

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn your boy is really going through it with his stomach issues. That's no fun feeling so sick all the time. But yeah, typical dude behavior to avoid doctors like the plague lol.

I get offering food out of pity, that was nice of you. But you're right, a simple "thanks babe that means a lot" would have shown more gratitude. Seems like maybe he still has some pride or walls up around letting you fully help/take care of him.

At the same time, being that miserable, can't totally blame him for not wanting to commit either way about seeing you tomorrow yet. Feeling like crap makes people short. Still, not a great look on his end.

I'd say maybe check in tomorrow to see how he's feeling, but don't push the dinner invite yet if he's still shaky. Only do so if he tries to make plans first. Last thing you need is a double raincheck if he's too sick to hang anyway!

Just stay cool, feel him out. This lets him come to you without pressure when he's up for company. You showed you care already, rest is on him now. You sticking around shows your heart too, even if he's not the best at showing his yet.

[Asker]

I think he is the type of man to hide in his cave be rude and stripy and refuse any help
Because everytime he feels sick he refuses my help
I dont get this, im too different for this

[Asker]

You are literally more intelligent than my boyfriend... i wish he was this smart lol

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha thank you very much lol, but no need to put your boy down - we're all wired different, ya know? Some guys just have a real tough time opening up or accepting help, even when they need it. Pride can make us act silly sometimes.

That said, I feel you that it would be frustrating to offer support and get shut down every time. Dude really needs to work on meeting you halfway if this relationship is gonna work long term. Communication and trust are mega important.

Maybe he's just not used to having someone care so much? Could take time for him to adjust. But you can only do so much outreach before it starts dragging you down too, you know?

Keep showing him you're there when he's ready, while also focusing on your own happiness. Hopefully being sick this time shakes some sense into listening to his girl more. And if he keeps pushing you away long run, well... you gotta put yourself first, you know?

I'm always down to chat if you need to vent again. Just do what feels right for you - that's all any of us can do in the end!

[Asker]

Hi fren😄
I bring good news (for now lol with my guy you never know)
So yesterday he was sending me messages nearly whole day gosspining about his work (i worked there too, so i know all the tea)
And that he got into fight with a boss and coworkers are scum blabla
On his lunch break he Called me, chatting about his awful day and he asked me what we do after work if i come see him or no. with food.
I said sure no problem, i said what i had for dinner and said ill bring him soup wish rice and chicken (good for sick stomach)
So we met... instead of bar this time he said "lets have tea at my place."
I was there for 1,5 hour and left.

When i came home i sent him message im home and going to shower and sleep.
He sent me kisses and said thanks for food it was deli.
Also said that if i need anything i can call him anytime, even tho he has no car he has arms legs and head (, sometimes)
Lol his literal words (mind you he never said that before, like i think as max is 2nd time he says "if you need anything im here".
I said thank you for your words i appreciate that... but he said that after asking me a favour of washing his designer cloth (he is fashion feak) his washing mashine can tear down his cloth worth like 300$ per 1 piece, so before the fight, when we were normal
Id take and wash his cloth in my place
It was totally normal for us... for me , as his girl.
Now he asked if i could do him a favour and he would invite me for a dinner for that...
How do you feel about all this?
I get friend vibe, not boyfriend vibe from him.
Even tho we kissed and hugged and he was touching my butt
Next weekend we are supposed to meet at my place.

[Oliverlogan263]

Sis, this whole situation is still kinda confusing not gonna lie. On one hand, it was good y'all were able to connect again in person and he showed some care and appreciation.

But for real, if he wants things to progress between you two emotionally, he's gonna have to step it up from the "friend vibes" he's been giving off. Asking you for favors while calling it that instead of just something he wants to do for his girl is whack.

I can see why you're feeling distant still. Like dude, make your moves already or let a girl know where she stands! The mixed signals would be playing with my head too no cap.

When y'all link up next weekend, I'd lay it out straight - tell him while you like spending time, you need more clarity on if he wants a relationship or not. If so, he needs to show it with his actions.

Your time and energy are valuable sis. Don't let him take advantage just cause you've got history. You feel me? Keep it real with him, and if he ain't living up, don't be afraid to dip for good. You deserve better than maybes!

[Asker]

Thanks
Well im not pressuring because we agreed to have 2 week time out kinda
Where he sorts his paranoid head on his own
So still he has 1 week to do so lol
During this 2 weeks im not edpecting anything
This weekend i ignored him basically and he just called me on Saturday morning asking about his phone, something he didn't understand.
Again as if im damn techsupport.
Then beforr sleep he randomly sends me a message saying he is meeting his daughter on Sunday and at the end of the messages tells me"see you next week"
Then on Sunday i sent him "have a greqt Sunday"
And he responded he is cooking for his daughter
Later again randomly he said she liked the food
And again typical good night and see you next week
Im waiting to neet in person in my house and talk
And ask if he sorted his head after 2 weeks
But honestly
I feel like im losing feelings
After that drama day smth died and broke inside of me
I dont even feel the same about him

[Oliverlogan263]

I feel you, after all that up and down bullshit it's natural for the feelings to start fading. Can't blame yourself either - nobody's got time for bs mind games and second guessing where they stand.

Maybe seeing him in person this weekend will rekindle something, or show it's really run its course. But either way don't force it if the spark ain't there anymore in your heart, ya feel? You gotta follow your gut.

This "time out" was a good call to get clearer perspective. Now just pay attention to how hanging feels without expectations. If you ain't feeling it, let him know you just want space for good this time - no hard feelings, but y'all want different things now.

Your mental healthy is the priority though fam. Don't keep waking up stressed wonderin where you stand. Do what's right for YOU, and his feelings are his own problem. Show yourself the same care he ain't shown lately. You'll make the right call!

[Asker]

Just called me crying he is puking again
doesn't want to go to hospital
Well why he calls me then
What he wants me to do
Says he is afraid of what the doctors can tell him
He is in his 40s... i think being afraid is immature
Anyways i have no idea what he wants from me anymore
He cancels dates
He doesn t want me to bring him food or be by his side
He gets angry when i bring up the doctors and hospitals
He cries he can't take it anymore he has no force anymore but still does absolutely nothing
I dont know what to do anymore
Im getting tired of this ilogical bs
I've never seen such irrational and antilogical person in my life

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn sis, this is such a stressful situation you're dealing with. Props to you for wanting to help him through all this, but you also gotta take care of yourself, you feel?

If it was me, I'd have a serious talk with him. "Look, I care about you but I can't keep going through these emotional rollercoasters. Either you commit to getting real help, or I need to remove myself from this for my own mental health."

It's not fair that he's making you sit and cry with him but won't actually do anything to change the situation. That kind of manipulation isn't cool.

At this point, you've done all you can and it's time to put yourself first. Let him know in no uncertain terms that if he keeps refusing to get help, you'll have to distance yourself and take a break, as hard as that may be.

Sometimes people only change when they hit rock bottom, ya know? Maybe removing your support until he steps up will be the reality check he needs. Don't feel bad about taking a step back - you gotta protect yourself, sis!

Just be firm that you'll be there again if he commits to working on his issues. But until then, he's on his own to sink or swim. Stay strong - you've got this! Don't let him drag you down further.

[Asker]

I want him to hit the bottom
Again ñromises about getting apoinment on Monday
Again its all postpones again and again more promises and never actually doing anything about it

[Asker]

Im distancing and he is surprised lol
Makre it make sense
Ho doesn't get it

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah dude seems completely hopeless at this point. He just wants to wallow in self-pity without actually doing the work to get better.

I wouldn't be surprised if pushing you away IS his way of hitting rock bottom - losing you might finally light a fire under his ass. Even still, don't set yourself on fire to keep him warm, you know? Just keep doing your own thing and let the distance show him actions have consequences.

Maybe it'll make him pull his head out long enough to book that damn doctor's appointment. And if not, you tried your best but can't save someone who won't save themselves. Don't let his issues hold you back from finding someone who's got their shit together. You tried playing nurse for too long already!

Keep living your best life either way. Sooner or later he'll wake up - either without you, or ready to step up. But that's on him now. You did your part, now fly free!

[Asker]

Hi.
You know what? Oh... its crack
He smokes crack. Thats why he prefers be on his own... he smokes it.
Also he smokes it when he is sick. And doesn't want to go to hospital so they discover what he is doing.
Also somehow he has fear his boss will know his medical history.
Thats the story.
Now it all makes sense. isn't it?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, I did not see that coming at all. If he's actually smoking crack, that changes everything and explains so much of his irrational behavior.

No wonder he's always sick and refuses help - last thing he wants is doctors finding out. And being a addict, of course he's gonna choose getting high over dealing with problems or relationships. That shit destroys lives.

I feel for him still struggling with it, but at the same time you gotta protect yourself now too knowing what you're really dealing with. An addict lying to avoid help is on a whole other level than some dude with stomach issues.

Maybe now is the time to really walk away for good. He's gotta want to get clean before he can be in a relationship. As much as you care, his addiction can't be your burden to cope with too. You gave it your all already, don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Just stay strong holding your boundary this time. Wish him the best with recovery if he ever gets there, but you gotta do you and not get dragged down. Tough situation, but you didn't sign up for that kind of drama.

[Asker]

Today he sent me 8 min message saying he ony can rely on me and he wants to stop smokin it
And if i can do him a favour getting him to hospital
I said yes
Also we were invited for a bday next weekend and this Thursday he invited me to spend night with him at his home
Im going with a flow
No rushing to fighting no planning no expectations... im tired
Whatever happens happens
My mistake was creating in my head a person that he is not
Creating and believing in a relationship i wanted and it wasn't real
Reality slapped me hard in the face and i think im still in shock trying to digest everything

[Oliverlogan263]

Whew, what a rollercoaster. On the one hand it sounds kinda promising that he finally admitted the crack stuff and wants help quitting. Taking him to the hospital could really be a turning point if he follows through.

But at the same time, if he's a full blown addict, it's not gonna be easy even if he wants help now. Relapses are so common, and it could take a really long time/a lot of tries before he's fully clean. Not to mention all the drama that comes with addiction.

I think your approach of taking it easy and not building things up in your head is smart. Keep expectations low and see what happens without pressure. The hospital visit could give some clarity on if he's serious.

And the next weekend hangouts are good for reconnecting without jumps back to relationship labels yet. Let things unfold naturally. Just protect your heart - don't let him pull you back in fully until he proves long term change through his actions. Fingers crossed he gets help this time!

[Asker]

I spent a night with him and it was horrible
I lost feelings
I didn't even want to touch him or hug him
He was saying bunch of crap trying to make me laugh
And it all looked like shit
I feel sorry for him
He is not right for me, i have no future with him. he is delusiinal and mental u stable and very separated from reality, he is paranoid
I feel like a nurse and social worker or a lawyer or taxist
I dont see him sexually
I dont wanna fuck him
He started talking about some Christmas trip
I was thin king we won't even make until the end of November
That day ,3 weeks ago, he hurt me so badly and deeply
I cannot recover
I just cannot
I dont see him as the same person i do nt feel the same
I feel like he uses me and lies all the time to me
I dont trust him
Its like talking to a kid who believes in dragons and gets angry when you say they dont exist

[jahaims]

You should separate and both go to therapy. So many red flags with mental health and trauma that you described.

[Asker]

Which one exactly?

[Asker]

He won't go to thetapy

[Nikki1989]

Let him break up with you. You can meet another guy in a heartbeat.

[Asker]

Im waiting for it but he isn't doing it

[Anonymous]

I say just dump his sorry ass.

[Asker]

Why he does this shit?

[Opinion Owner]

He’s immature

[Asker]

He is 46...

[Danny_dan92]

Womp womp