Why would a man think threatening to break-up would make me want him more?

[Anonymous]

The first time a past ex boyfriend did that was the last time. My reply when he got upset and threatening to break-up if I don't do as he says:

''Well the door is open right now. If I'm that awful that you have to give ultimatums to keep me then just break up already.''

I don't like anyone (not even a family member) using the ''or else it's over'' line on me. For me it does the opposite of desiring you more. It makes me lose more respect for you. I don't do that to anyone so expect the same respect in return. Why would a man think that would make me want him more?

Updates

+1 y

If I wouldn't tolerate that from even my own family or my best friend from my childhood years, why would I accept that from a boyfriend?

[Guy13]

Avoiding threatening break-up spousal, parental, and/or brother/sister relational behaviors requires personal discipline in thought and deed. Personal Insecurities, that magnified as shortcomings in the mind of one who hold Cultural Standards, will exacerbate into both sadness and madness.

The internal and self-lashing felt when his life is compared too Peers and against a False Media portrayal is destined to be violent and destructive in some form of "Or else it is over" or"Just get the F- Out" or "don't let the door hit you on the backside on the way out."

A well understood spiritual life is a necessity to manage a life that is defined as Beneficial by your and yours... that we most love and hurt.

[MaazHussain]

Threatening to break up can be a manipulative tactic used to control or pressure the other person in a relationship. Some people may believe that making such a threat will make their partner want them more or make them more compliant to their demands. However, this approach can actually have the opposite effect and push the other person away. It can create feelings of insecurity and uncertainty in the relationship, which can erode trust and intimacy. In a healthy relationship, partners should communicate openly and respectfully, without resorting to threats or ultimatums.

[Asker]

This basically. Someone trying to manipulate and pressure isn't attractive to me. It makes me think they don't value me as an equal partner, as a person.

[coachTanthony]

A very dumb man unless the woman is so scorn, beat down and afraid to lose him. A narc would for sure think this way because he has already set the tone of manipulation.

[Asker]

Indeed, it would have to be a woman with a super low self-esteem to put up with it.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Playing Devil's advocate, have you ever considered the fact that you might have done something that was worth breaking up with you over, and he was letting you know that that kind of behavior will lead to him breaking up with you?
Or are you so self-centered that you think you couldn't possibly do anything wrong and men should put up with your bullshit?

A lot of couples threaten to break up with each other, that's nothing new under the sun.
It doesn't automatically make them "narcissists"

Retards

[Asker]

I can understand if someone were to go clubbing with friends and focus less time on their SO, the partner talked about it and they didn't listen. Ok that's one. But he threw that tantrum for something trivial such as only pouring 1/2 a lemon in my tea instead of 1 whole lemon or not cooking a mean with a specific oil he wanted, requesting me to do the same meal again. Oh hells nope, there is being sweet and thoughtful to being someone's doormat.
Several months prior to the break-up, there was one time he asked me for money, to let him borrow $500 and he'll pay it back. I said no. I should've known that was a red flag too.

[Finchie40]

It’s a manipulative tactic , Girls’s do this shit as well when she doesn’t get her way , or she is feeling insecure about her partner and she has low self esteem about herself , it’s a toxic trait that rises from low self esteem and insecurities, some people use it to think they have control over someone , They are thinking that the other person is going to say No baby I love you , come back I’m sorry I won’t ever do that to you again but what you really need to say to them is Don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on the way out , Usually they are the one that comes crawling back lol I know that sort of thing turns girls’ on when she is with a man that is confident in himself and makes her feel like he will be fine without her , But for a guy doing this to a girl? I can see why you are turned off , it’s a sign of weakness in his part , A girl wants a man not a little boy that cries to Mommy when he doesn’t get his way

[Asker]

I think anyone that does that manipulative tactic should be dumped ASAP. No one dies out of a break-up and they're not the only person in the world. They're not even a great person if they have to give ultimatums.

[Finchie40]

Oh trust me , I feel
The same exact way , ultimatums is a big no for me, and they easily become
My ex when they pull that shit, it’s a toxic behavior , it’s either you want this relationship or not , I don’t commit to someone to be single , I commit to someone for Love and respect. for each other and remove selfishness for each other , wear each others shoes before making decisions and making each other are top priority , If a girl can’t do that for me she is best just to stay single because I sure as hell won’t be able to do that for her , and be her doormat , no relationship is perfect , so we either compromise and fix the issue or go our separate ways , Understanding you can’t always be right and they are wrong , accepting each others flaws , you can’t expect me to accept Your flaws if you can’t accept mine , sadly I been with girls that want their cake and want to eat it to , there way or no way , and I say good luck to you , it was nice knowing you , if you can’t resist temptation for me I sure as hell won’t resist it for you , if she sets boundaries with me then she needs to follow them as well , no double standard shit I dated girls that set boundaries with me and then later down the road she meets these toxic girlfriends that want her to go to bars and clubs with her and to make sure I was excluded , That right there is a huge red flag in my book considering I never exclude my partner from anything , if my friends didn’t want her around I’d say well sorry friends she comes first , if you can’t accept her then you can’t accept me, it’s respect for your relationship, and most people don’t grasp this concept , You should never choose your friends over your partner period , whether you think your partner is being out of line or being insecure it has nothing to do with that , it comes down to respect for each other , it’s ok to have friends but your partner needs to come first , You are not single anymore and most people have a hard time understanding that

[Finchie40]

Because they are selfish

[Finchie40]

I want a girl that stays under the sheets with me not one that runs to the streets when she doesn’t get her way

[Finchie40]

And I am not saying you need to be glued at your partner’s hip at all times but you should make your partner feel respected before making rational decisions with your friends , To me a girl that needs to go to bars and clubs without her partner is up to no good , a guy that goes to bars and clubs without his partner is up to no good when they make it clear their partner is excluded , even though your intentions are not to be You should never make your partner feel excluded , that right there is going to add fire into your relationship because you are only thinking of yourself , I can’t tell you how many times I went to bars and clubs with my friends just to have a few drinks with them and some girl is all over me or hitting on me , Even though I am telling her sorry I am already taken how does my partner know that I am really doing that for her? So I realized going to those places is not a good environment for people to go without their partners period , so much shady shit happens at bars and clubs so if you really cared and loved your partner why do you need that shit in your life is all I am saying , it’s disrespectful period , I have witnessed so much nonsense even when I worked as a bouncer at a busy bar , So many people were cheating on their partners because alcohol was involved , being the observer made me realize wow this is fucked up , people are
Clearly selfish and they wonder why their relationships don’t last

[dynamicyandere]

I believe there is a time and place for ultimatums (e. g. if there’s a clear dealbreaker that is reasonable like finding out your boyfriend is seeing someone else behind your back and telling him to end that relationship or else you’re breaking up).


In terms of using ultimatums over smaller things to just try to control you, that’s very manipulative. And, it would only work on someone who has a low self-esteem and is afraid they can’t get find anyone better.

[TheVigilantFox]

Possibly because he’s a narcissist.
My now ex used to do things like that oh and threaten to kill herself.


I left her anyway. 🤣🤣


Got her one up the ass there didn’t I? 🤣🤣


Sadly she’s not followed through with her threats she’s just harassing me instead. 😡😡

[DiegoO]

With the LDR I had, I only made clear, after 3 years, that if we kept having a bad sexual chemistry, I would rather breakup.

I honestly never imagined we were gonna breakup, just like I never imagined the storm that was forming nogf ahead. We wasn't gonna see each other and I can gladly say: it was the best thing that could have ever happen, for reasons I rather don't explaine here.

A breakup is to mourn at first and celebrate at last.

[DiegoO]

more ahead***

[loveslongnails]

Desperate people do desperate things. He wanted to control you and you wouldn't comply. He obviously thought he was so important to you that such an ultimatum would make you quiver and acquiesce immediately. Guess he learned the hard way.

[AMS700CX4u2]

Over estimate their importance in the world. Ultimatums are for manipulation.

[slatyb]

He was raised by people who behave like that.

[LiamJHayden]

A threat like that is basically an ultimatum.

[Asker]

and an ultimatum means the relationship is already bad

[BarryLiverstone]

Because he’s reacting emotionally and thinks the threat will be effective

[Asker]

and it backfired on him badly. I hate drama and ultimatums. It's one thing to speak in a civilized manner and express some of your concerns but another to just start yelling (create a sudden argument you didn't even wanted) and give ultimatums.

[BarryLiverstone]

Well you asked why he did it. If he was yelling then he’s making decisions based on his gut and his emotions. Never did I suggest his chose well

[PatriceONeal]

Why would you think he did it to "make you want you more." It's more likely he is simply setting healthy boundaries.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

It's an old manipulation tactic. Maybe he thought he meant more to you than your dignity.

[Anonymous]

only a fool or a sugar daddy/money sponsor think like that. Which is he?

[Asker]

None. There was actually one time he asked me for money, asked me for $500. I said no to that. I should've known that was another red flag.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh damn. And you stayed with him on top of that? Nah, I'm not going to shame you for it but still

[SnowedIn]

Because he's not that smart.

[Asker]

Exactly. I find ultimatums idiotic. If makes the other person feel not good enough. Feeling that they can dump you anytime you don't do as they say has got to be an awful feeling.
If I wouldn't tolerate getting valued so little by my own family or close friends, then a boyfriend isn't any difference.

[SnowedIn]

Agree. There's very little about which I say end a relationship. Ultimatums are one.

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree.