MY boyfriend wanted to break up with me?

[Anonymous]

He says because I don't cook for him. Mind you, he works night shift so we barely see each other. I work full time too, I take my mom to dialysis mon, wed and fri. Even on my day off on wed I cannot sleep in. I am also taking online classes but I try my best to work ahead so we can spend fridays and saturdays together. I spend the whole day at his house on saturdays. I prioritze him in the that sense and also try to offer him massages because he works a lot. He is assistant manager and will get promoted to manager soon. It has been a lot for him mentally and physically, he sleeps a lot I understand. I have a lot going on too and it just feels like he wants to move in fast. We barely have been together almost 2 years and he has 2 boys one is autistic and he is almost 8 years and he has not even enrolled him in school which bothers me but I stopped bringing it up. Anyways, last night he caught me blindsided when I texted him if he was good his response was no not really because he was hungry and tired with a lot of mandatory overtime. I told him I could bring him food to work and to just let me know soon it was around 7 pm last night. He said no it's okay that I should rest because I have work the next day. I was like are you sure? He then said yea I have someone who offered me food. I asked who he said it was a lady so then I got mad because I was like oh you prefer that. End of the night we texted a little and he said he is just tired of eating food from outside and wants more home food BUT like hello we are not even married or living together like am I wrong?

[Summeroflove]

In this situation… Break up. Obviously the two of you are wanting and needing two different things even if he’s not a bad person he needs a woman who stays home to have time to do all this for him. It’s pretty one sided when he’s demanding attention away from your mother and that you both work full time but you should be taking care of all the roles around the house.

If someone says they want to break up or threatens to… Make it easy for them and just break it off. It’s not worth your time playing manipulate games. If he hasn’t broke up with you…. He’s just trying to see if he can scare you into complying with what he wants.

A supportive partner who loves you would understand… You are busy. He wouldn’t be demanding you cook for his lazy ass. If he wants a woman who stays home all day and cooks does all the chores and everything else. Then he needs to find a woman whose wanting that…

He seems to want you to support him…. But he won’t support you. That’s a sign of narcissism. They make all these excuses for themselves and make you feel sorry for them. But when it comes to you they can’t empathize. Well…. You’re just too emotional. Stop being a little bitch. But woe is poor poor pitiful me.

If he wanted to take turns cooking or cook together…. I mean that would be different it’s just his entitled stinky attitude. Chances are he’s already resentful. He is just trying to see if he can manipulate you into doing shit for him until he can find someone new.

[Asker]

Thank you, I mean I know he works night shift and is exhausted but so am I. I am still trying to make it work for us. He has lived with someone in the past I have not. I have no idea what it is to live with anyone and he says he has had in the past women who have cooked for him, but in my head I'm like where look you didn't even last? I am trying to work through our struggles and don't like to break off so easily. I'm not the type to break up when things get hard. It is starting to feel like now that he has a brand new car and is getting money he feels he can have anyone he wants.

[Summeroflove]

You’re both exhausted and in a healthy relationship you would be supporting one another. Not you only supporting him.

Does he ever offer to take your mother to appointments? Does he ever offer to do any chores?

Look. If you’re only with him because you’re worried about that. It’s not love and you would be equally using him.

Ifs better for you and for him for that matter. For you to just break it off. If he wants a woman who cooks for him and that’s all he cares about in a relationship. He can go find a woman who will cook for him and nothing else.

[Summeroflove]

It seems like you’re putting a lot of the effort into the relationship….. and this is just one of many issues.

If he is making threats to break up. Just make it easy on him and exit the relationship. It will be hard…. Especially if you genuinely love and care for him. But you will grieve and eventually move on

[Asker]

We are not married nor living together plus he works night shift so he is sleeping the majority of the day. I try to get as much done in my school so that we can spend the weekend together and so I am not stressing about school. I really appreciate your input by the way and I also dated late in life so I know that I am not perfect either and have my flaws

[Summeroflove]

You’re not perfect. But being witn someone threatinf to break up. Some people you could never please no matter what you do.

There are women who have sacrificed their dreams and ambitions for a man just for him to say…. Well you’re not ambitious and don’t have anything going for you.

You can’t please a narc and you can’t win trying to

[Anonymous]

I don’t think either of you should be together. You have a lot going on as does he. I can understand how he feels for sure. I work nights. I used to get tired of my ex who would tell me to get something on my way to work or she can send me some money. No I don’t want that. You get tired of eating out. You want a home cooked meal. Eating out gets old after a while. I think it’s going to be hard to find a man who would want to live this same life. You don’t have time for a man. Your mom takes up a good amount of time as does your schooling. He needs to find someone who can give him that time, that attention. It’s just going to be a matter of time before someone else steps up. Your dad can’t take your mom to dialysis?

[Asker]

It's just hard because we are not married or living together. He wants this wifey treatment now and we are not there yet. My parent got divorced a long time ago and my mom lives with me. We live in a condo so I try my best to balance everything I have going on at the moment

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean he wants this wifey treatment? So until you two are married he won’t get that?

[Staximus]

If you are not married and don't live together and he's not paying all your bills, then he has no place to be expecting you to cook him food all the time. You've got enough to deal with, he can get off his lazy ass to cook his own goddamn food. He probably wants to move you in so you can be a babysitter for kids. Fuck all that bullshit. Tell him he made his own problems so he has to deal with them himself. He didn't have to work at night job and have kids if he can't deal with it. It's not your fault he's a poor decision maker.

[TheInvincible]

You’re not wrong. You’re handling work, your mom’s dialysis, classes, and still making time for him. Expecting you to cook for him when you don’t even live together is not fair. If he was hungry, he could’ve told you earlier instead of guilt-tripping you or mentioning another woman offering him food. You’re already doing a lot — he can’t act like you owe him more.

[RHK36]

You both sound too busy for a partner as neither of you put each other first or even close to it. If you're mature enough you'll end it and do your own thing until you have time for a partner. He has his two kids that he needs to prioritize and you prioritize your mom over him and his kids. Neither of you live together or have plans to get married so I don't see how it's going to work when neither person is going to change their circumstances. Leave or don't complain.

[slatyb]

Let him.