Am I wrong for not correcting my daughters behavior when she slapped her mom when she found out that her mom cheated on me?

[Anonymous]

This happened last night, it was 48 hours after D day. One of my family members let it slip to my 16 year old daughter that her mom cheated on me with her boss. I refuse to lie to my children so when she asked me if it was true I confirmed it. When mom came to pick her up from our home (I had kicked her out about a day ago) my daughter slapped her mom across the face hard and said "how could you, I'm staying with dad" and went to her room. The soon to be ex wife started yelling at me asking why I would poison her against her. I flatly explained that I had not told her anything, our daughter came to me and asked if it were true, and I confirmed it. My soon to be ex demanded I punish her. I told her I would talk to her about it, but no punishment would happen, I explained that this was the consequence of her actions.

Updates

9 mo

After mom left I told our daughter that hitting people was never acceptable. She asked me if I want her to apologize, and I said when she is ready and not angry yes. She asked if I want her to go with her mom, I told her that it was her choice.

[rosemilk]

she needs to learn the truth. i still don't know the truth behind my parents divorce, not sure if i could even handle it, i don't know what happened. i think your daughter was right to be mad, but acted in the heat of the moment and could have handled it with words better. but i can't blame her

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Reading the update, you did the right thing. Adults must handle this kind of situation, kids have nothing to do with this.

[DrPepper12]

Understandable. Yes. Correct? No.

Violence isn't going to help but it will relieve some tension from a child.

[Asker]

I told her later that it wasn't right. I also told her that she needs to apologize when she is able to be calm enough to do it.

[normalice]

With your update it sounds like you handled it as fairly as possible, tbh..

[Asker]

I didn't want to punish her for her feelings, but I wanted her to understand that hitting is never acceptable. I've never hit my wife, I want that to be the example she learns from, not the choice to hit someone in the heat of the moment.

[normalice]

Although, I would say it's fine to remind your daughter that it is her choice but she asked what you want so you should have answered that. The correct answer probably would have been something along the lines of "of course I want you to stay here but more than that I want you to make decisions for yourself without trying to figure out what pleases others."

[LiamJHayden]

"Poison" The cheater is already trying to blame you for her actions.

[RyanK9b]

Wow.. good behavior of him with the ex and daughter.
The audacity of this bitch to blame him is crazy.
They have no problem to weaponize the kids towards the father.. its crazy.

Well basically I have no problem with physical altercation if its justified. We allowed in boxing matches or for cops.

The mom definitely won't forget that and deserves it for her action.

[Juxtapose]

Fuck cheaters she deserved it.