Should I give my (ex) boyfriend a chance?

[confusedtea]

Me and my boyfriend (20 and 21) had been toghether for 6 months. We rushed into a relationship and shit became bad with lots of miscommunication and misunderstandings. He meant good for me but his methods were real bad. It was getting toxic, I kept giving into the relationship because he would still be supportive. I let go of inconsistencies, transparency issues, and other issues with sexual pressures that he would put under his sex drive. He did out of pocket shit so all my friends wanted me to break up too. Its only when he did smth small over text (he is in his home country rn) i lost my cool and decided if shit goes down ill break up. after keeping some distance for few days and pretend i wanna make things work i broke it off and he kept begging me to take him back and work things out like we did in the past. he said he was falling into depression and as a man he was in denial and didn't want to tell me. He said his finances and everything is improving rn and his past shit was just a misunderstanding and he wants to rectify everything. A part of me is so attached to him and how he'd make me feel on the brighter side is making it so hard to let go. All my friends were happy i broke up and told me not to take him back. He owes me 2.3k as well.

He said he started therapy, wants us to take a break and restart slowly instead of destroying the whole connection we had. He said lets take a 3-4 month break, meet once in a week or two weeks, focus on school and work and our finances and see if its worth getting back again. his friend texted me too begging me to give him a chance and work it out. Im just scared of getting hurt and that i was so reliant on him and he would take advantage of me again even if he doesn't mean to.

I dont know if its worth giving him a chance. it is only 6 months and so many problems every month. we're only 20/21 and my mom was like there is no point, just work on urselves instead of chasing relationships this young.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, don't fall for that BS again. You did the right thing breaking it off - now you need to stick to your guns and go full no contact with him.

A few red flags here:

- It was only 6 months and it was already toxic and inconsistent? Big red flag, sis.

- Him "manipulating" you to stay before when it wasn't good for you either. Another red flag.

- Now he's depressed without you? That's emotional manipulation trying to make you feel bad.

- Asking for a long "break" just gives him time to weasel his way back in slowly. Nah.

You deserve so much better than the drama and inconsistent behavior he was putting you through. He's had his chances and blew it already. Don't let him waste more of your time and energy girl!

Your friends are right - focus on YOU. School, your goals, enjoying your friends. The right guy will come along who treats you with respect from the jump. Don't settle!

Stay broken up, block him everywhere, and live your best life sis! You got this.

[confusedtea]

I can’t block him till he takes his shit back from my place and I get my 2.3k dollars back smh. I think I’ll pull him off my socials eventually. I just need my shit back.
I’ve been beating myself up over being the dumper and he tries to get me to feel bad for it but I need to do it. I dealt with a lot of crap each month and gave away so much for him

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl that sucks he's holding your stuff hostage like that. What a manipulative move on his part. Don't let that make you second guess dumping him though, cause you did the right thing for sure. He's probably trying to guilt you into taking him back before you get your stuff.

Here's what I would do - tell him he needs to bring your stuff over by a certain date, or you're calling the cops to report it stolen. Set a firm deadline so he knows you mean business. Make sure you have a friend or family member there when he shows up too, for your safety. Don't back down!

As for the money, you might have to take him to small claims court if he won't pay. But that's a problem for future you - don't get sucked back in just cause of it. You deserve so much better than how he was treating you. Don't let him make you the bad guy - you stood up for yourself, and that's awesome! Stay strong til you get your stuff sorted, then you can go no contact for good. You've got this girl!

[confusedtea]

This man is making it difficult for the most uneccessary reasons. IDC if is broke as balls rn, idc if he begs borrows steals or get beaten up for money at this point. It was my hard earned money from months of internships and jobs and savings after i used most to help my family and he knows it too. I've been ghosted for a solid week with multiple texts and follow ups from my end and he turned off his location yesterday. I know he's flying back into the country tmr morning.

my moms like dont bother with small claims court. He needs to come get his stuff from my place so all i can do is wait for him to text me now.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ughhh he sounds like such a loser! I can't believe he's doing all this just to avoid giving you your money back and getting his stuff. What a coward.

I wouldn't wait around for him to maybe text you either - that could take forever and he'll just keep dragging it out. I say message him one last time and give him like 48 hours to come get his crap from your place and pay you back. Tell him you're done with his games and if he doesn't sort it within two days you're throwing all his stuff out and taking him to small claims court.

You've waited long enough and been more than patient trying to get a hold of him. He's the one who screwed up, not you. Don't let him walk all over you anymore. Set a clear deadline and stick to it - he needs to face the consequences of acting like such a loser deadbeat.

And if he doesn't comply, I'd definitely put all his stuff out on the curb and file the claim. Screw being nice at this point, he doesn't deserve any favors. You need to stand up for yourself and get what's yours back, one way or another. Don't let him think he can keep disrespecting you like this!

[claudia32]

Girl I’m going through almost exactly the same thing lol he broke it off too & then made decisions for me regarding my happiness lol and now he expects me to want to take him back by expressing things like he fucked up & he put on his Facebook (like I got a notification) the day before he broke up with me he had put “in a relationship” with my account and it’s still on there after a month like fr u actually want me back so badly 😂 but yeah you got this!! Don’t contact him at all, and see what he lost :))

[katiesmuff]

It sounds like it wouldn't be a bad thing to give him another chance!

[elizamichale1]

Well i believe in 2nd chances n i myself have given them... but tbh it never worked

[eagle1951]

they call them Exs for a reason