Should I give my "changed" ex boyfriend another chance?

About three years ago, I became the girlfriend of someone who technically was never around. He never acknowledged me in any sort of way and I suspect that he even cheated on me, but I was never able to obtain proof of that. I am aware that I should have never put up with it, but in my heart I always hoped he would change. After a year of ongoing problems with him because of his lack of commitment, I decided to finally leave him and move on, as I knew I deserved so much better than that.

It wasn't until I left him that he realized what he had lost. Sounds like the usual, but that is besides the point. Two years later, he is still begging me to get back with him or at least give him a chance to prove himself as a changed man, as the man that loves me more than anyone in this world and as the man that could make me the happiest woman on Earth. It's hard for me to believe that he will ever do that, as he NEVER showed that when we were actually together. I don't doubt that he is a changed man, but how can I forget everything that he did to me? How can I go back to someone who hurt me for so long?

It sounds like I have the answer to my own question, but what do you think? I know he has changed and seeing how much he suffers without me now stirs up old emotions in me. I know it would be hard, because at this point I feel as if I have no connection with him.

Should I give it another chance? Your opinions are very welcome!

Thanks!

Updates:
I wanted to thank all of you who responded! It was very helpful and it helped me see things for how they are and not for how he was making them seem to be. I moved on! I can't look back. A perfect future awaits ME! :) thank you all again!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • ok look...as a guy who hurt his ex, by not being sure about us because of continual arguments...rtaking advantage of how she treated me and thinkin shed always be there...the way I talked ot my girl friends in the beginning of our relationship(like first month), PEOPLE DO CHANGE...i myself for one can tell you that if my ex gave me a second chance, I would not for one second ever take advantage of her again, period. I would do everything I did in our previous relationship, but make sure I take her out more, treat her with more respect(we both had issurs with that) make sure she trusts the things I say...show her with my actions, not words that I am different and a better (MORE MATURE) guy...which was my problem really I was very immature, I've learned a lot from breaking up with my ex...whats important in life, why the heck I would do some of the things I did (trying to understand why she did certain things)...

    now that being said, the only way for you to let him back into your life (if you really do love him more than anyone and haven't found that feeling you had with him when you first met) is to forgive him for what happened, SLOWLY become friends again and see where it goes...if you cannot forgive him for what happened you'll just never trust him again and it won't work...before saying yes/no to the situation, take your time, make him proove to you through his actions that youve changed...do not commit to him, let him know he's ona very thin string, but I mean I'm telling you sometimes people do chance...a lot of it has to do with maturity...if he's saying he's changed, yet you don't see anythign actaully changing from before, then immediately say hey this isnt' gonna work, I'm sorry, I care about you but there are things I just can't get past...

    you have to understand if you give him a chance, which maybe he doesn't deserve, but it sounds like you love him like no one else you ahev met yet, how can you give up that opportunity...a lot of people will say screw giving him a chance, I say TAKE IT SLOW and see where it goes...go on dates again if you'd like - see if you can actaully forgive him, without forgiveness you will never move forward...if you really do love him you will try to forgive him, see what happens(thru like a month+ of dating) maybe if you end up going back out offically still be cautious...kiss him maybe and see if you get that same feeling you used to?(but NOT withint the first month or so) but be careful you don't want to get hurt, make sure he has changed and that you believe/trust he won't be the same...

    i hope this helps - ultimately its up to you and how you feel for him

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Move on. Do not go back to him. He didn't deserve you then, and he doesn't deserve you now.

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  • No. You shouldn't.

    1. His loss, not yours.

    2. If he isn't changed it's your loss, time, energy, emotional distress.

    3. If he IS changed, it's still not your loss, you don't suffer for potentialities.

    4. Odds are not in your favor.

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What Girls Said 2

  • People don't change. They temporarily become different to get what they want so they can manipulate the situation for their benefit.

    That being said think about this, Would you want to change someone and have a fake relationship? How far can that really go? Do you want to waste your time AGAIN redoing the same mistake only to have the outcome be the same?

    Good Couples are the couples that mesh well from the start. Couples that take one another for who they are and wouldn't change a thing about the other.

    I hope this helps you!

    Bnwsmile

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  • No for what? He had his chance and he messed up. Why reward him with another chance with you? Who's to say he has really changed and it's not just mouth candy? There are probably hundreds of guys you could date, why him? Out with the old and in with the new.

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