My boyfriend and the father of our child broke up with me out of anger. I'm about to have the baby. How do I cope with/deal with this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend/the father of my child (who I will be welcoming REALLY soon) decided to break up with me. It was a very rash, sudden decision out of anger. He got mad at me over something relatively small, totally blew up over it (made it way worse than it actually was), yelled at me a lot and then just said we're done.

I tried everything to get him to stop and think instead of just up and leaving when we are about to welcome our child. I apologized for my role. I tried to get him to just calm down and meet again later to talk. I offered suggestions for how to avoid things like this in the future (including him working on his anger/temper/outbursts). He refused to listen to anything I had to stay, remained angry and stuck to his decision to leave.

I have been doing my thing. I've been leaving him alone (as hard as it is). I haven't been texting/calling. I've just been focusing on myself and our child. I can't help but feel really hurt though. That was such an over-the-top and unnecessary reaction. I feel like it's all my fault. Others have tried to reassure me that it was NOT all me and he certainly played a role in things too (he never even apologized to me). It still makes me sad though. If I hadn't have made him mad, he wouldn't have left us.

Now, I will bring our child into a broken, single-mom home from day one because their dad won't be around... because of me. I know HE made the decision to leave, but I still feel like he left BECAUSE of me.

Thinking of the final appointments we had scheduled and other stuff we had planned related to the baby (final touches before the due date) makes me really sad too. He isn't going to be a part of any of that now (after previously stating how incredibly important all of that was to him).

I know there's a chance he could come to his senses and regret his decision, but I don't know. There's a chance he won't do that too.

What are the best ways to deal with this while being pregnant? Is it really likely he will come back?

Updates

9 mo

He has texted me a couple times since he left. The first time was basic - just letting me know he was going to come and get the rest of his stuff he didn't grab the first time. I said alright. He was brief but civil in person but made no attempts to chat or hang around (to be expected). He waited until my next dr appointment and texted me to see how it went. He asked when the dates were for the next ones, but he made sure to let me know he wouldn't be coming to them "because of work".

Updates

9 mo

The appointments were already scheduled before this ever happened and he was very set on coming to all of them (he's never missed any until now). He made it to where he wouldn't be able to come to them. It feels like he did it on purpose and is basically just skipping out on me and the baby now that it's almost time to welcome them. Is texting to check in a sign he does still care and may come back? I don't know what to think about this.

[Lynx122]

Did you 2 plan the baby together or not?

It seems like things are just too much for him atm. Guys generally stay calm, stable and rational most of the time and deal with the ups and downs. But it takes effort to do this and when other things stress you out then sometimes it just becomes too much and you lose your composure. It could be that the current situation is just stressing him out and he'll calm down with time.

Or there have been a lot of things bothering him over time that haven't been resolved and now he's just done for good.

I broke up with my ex girlfriend because I was trying to help her make progress in her life and I repeatedly told her things and she either thought she knew better or she just didn't care enough to even try to improve and focus on things that actually matter and make a difference in your life. She also took me for granted and thought I'd be there for her even if she didn't put in any effort.

This kind of ignoring of my input already happened before in some situations but the overall relationship was more healthy then so it wasn't as bad. But she pushed it too far multiple times and I had to withdraw and not talk to her for several days sometimes because I was so pissed off and needed to cool down. But apparently she didn't take it seriously enough she didn't think she needed to change anything so in the end I stopped caring and was done.

We didn't have children but I'm just telling you this as an example of why and how a man can get fed up.

[Asker]

Yes, we both planned this baby and wanted to have a child together. We talked a lot about it and made the choice together to proceed. He has been really happy about it.

I can see how stress and worry about becoming a dad plus a couple outside sources could have caused him to just panic and freak.

I'm hopeful that once he calms down and has some time to think, he will realize we were a lot better together than he realizes and that he's happier with me vs. without me.

I was extremely good to him and did a lot for him. We were happy overall. Hopefully it will work out.

[Lynx122]

I hope so too for you :) Good luck :)

[Asker]

Thank you! I really miss him a lot, but I'm being strong and not reaching out. I don't want to beg and pester him. That seems like it would just backfire on me.

[Lynx122]

Yes I think you're smart :)

[Asker]

So far, I can't tell if it's working or not. He hadn't spoken to me in almost 2 weeks, then this morning, he did text and ask about the baby. I updated him and that was that. He doesn't usually text me from work since we've been separated. Usually he'd wait until the day of an appointment or something and just do it after work. This time, he did it before and while still at work. He also asked if I'd update him when I go to my next appointment and I said yeah. So I'm not sure if this is a good sign or not. He didn't really ask about me or make it a point to chat a lot. So I'm still not sure what to think. I do really hope he overlooks things and wants to get back together. It sucks being alone through all this.

[Lynx122]

Yeah it seems like he's pretty distant. If he doesn't show any interest in connecting again and being there then you will have to talk to him and try and persuade him. All the best to you :)

[Asker]

Thank you. I take it as a decent sign he's at least texting, especially when he actually texted from work. Like I said, since we've been split, he's never texted from work like that - he'd wait until after and he wouldn't text early... he'd text on an appointment day only to check-in. Instead of just completely saying screw you and not saying anything, he IS texting to ask about the baby and he does remember appointments (even though he skipped out on coming to them). He is being civil and not rude and not mentioning anything that happened either. Right now, I'm not either. I'm showing him I don't want anything to do with the past and I do want us to move forward. I'm giving him updates with everything and keeping him in the loop. Hopefully with some more time, he'll ease into the idea of us getting back together. That would definitely be really nice.

[Asker]

He ended up wanting me back. As soon as the baby arrives, he wanted us to fix things and be together again as a real family.

[Lynx122]

That's great I'm happy for you :)

[Billlewis]

Please message me if you'd like to discuss this in greater detail.

[Anonymous]

The two of you don't have to be together in order for him to be a good father. People can end a relationship for any reason, but you guys need to figure out how to co parent for the kid's sake.