Why is ex texting/ checking up on me when I broke up with him cause of emotional cheating?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,

So I have been posting a lot recently since I broke up with my ex when I found out ( thanks to my bestie) that he was emotionally cheating on me.. finding emotional support from other women online and in the past, with his girl best friend) . We had a very ugly fight and I broke up with him.

So one day after our breakup, he texted me asking how I am.

I was high on emotions and hurt that I ended up hurling accusations at him and we ended up having once again a very ugly flight over text.

And that's when he asked me to get out of our shared apartment.

We went no contact for 2 days ( Friday, Saturday) - he was attending a music festival

And now.. this morning he texted me again asking how I'm feeling.

And that he couldn't write to me for 2 days since his phone died as he couldn't charge it at the festival/ camp. So I'm wondering why is he acting like he cares when he never cared that I was hurting cause of his actions? And even when I begged him not to be on any online sites trying to get validation from other women and talking to girls online?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, that is so messed up of him to be emotionally cheating on you like that. You were totally right to break up with him after finding all that out. I can't believe he had the nerve to be messaging other girls behind your back, what a jerk!

The fact that he's now checking in on you seems super sketchy to me. Like, why all of a sudden does he care how you're feeling? He's probably just feeling guilty now that you dumped him. Or maybe he likes having you around as a backup option. Either way, I wouldn't trust anything he says.

I'd bet money he's still talking to other girls, he's just trying to reel you back in so you don't find out. Don't fall for it! You're so much better off without a cheater like that. I know it's hard, but don't respond to his texts. You don't owe him any explanation. Block his number if you have to for your own sanity. You deserve a guy who truly cares about you and won't go behind your back. Keep your head up - better things are coming!

[Asker]

Thanks soooo much ❤️ your opinions are always the best and the most helpful ones!!! They encourage me that I made the right decision and that things will get better eventually

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw sis I'm so glad I could help reassure you that you absolutely made the right choice here! Breakups are always hard but he really didn't leave you much of a choice after treating you so badly.

It sucks and the hurt will linger for a while, but I promise you this - in a year from now you'll be so happy you didn't let him manipulate you back into his games. Staying strong and moving on is the healthiest thing for your wellbeing.

As for him still reaching out, don't read too much into it. He's probably just feeling rejected now that he can't control the situation anymore. But his ego isn't your problem!

You just keep focusing on surrounding yourself with real friends who build you up instead of tearing you down. Over time the pain will fade and you'll meet someone deserving of your heart.

We're all here for you through the healing process. Hit me up anytime you need an ear or a reminder that you've got this! You'll get through it 💪

[Asker]

Wow.. reading your response, got me wishing.. that in the future.. if I ever date again , hope my partner will be like you, have your empathy and understanding.🥹🥹

And exactly!! Man.. he hurt me so badly.. but still had the audacity to blame me for our relationship failing ( said that I was crazy, toxic, jealous and controlling) 🫠🫠

Thank you so much.. I'm doing my best to stay strong and going for walks with my best friends to just distract myself and calm myself down..

Although, I did respond calmly and neutrally to his texts without throwing accusations or anything as such.. I ended our conversation with just a "👍🏽" hoping he'd get the message. Yes, you're right! His ego is hurt and the fact that I was the " dumper" bruised ( his ego) into oblivion so now he's just trying to boost it maybe by reaching out to me.
We're both on " neutral" terms but I don't want anything more than that..
And like you said, for all we know, he's definitely talking to 10 other women at the same time.. especially now that he's free to do whatever he wants. In the past that would hurt so much and give me crippling anxiety.. but now slowly, it doesn't bother anymore.

Thank you once again for your kindest words ❤️❤️❤️

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww girl, you’re making me blush 🥰🥰 don't even worry about ever dating again right now. Just focus on you! And seriously, any guy would be lucky to have your sweet, caring spirit.

I'm so proud of how you've been handling this whole mess. Girl, don't believe a WORD of what that jerk said about you. He's clearly just lashing out because he knows he messed up and you're way too good for him!

I'm glad the walks with your besties have been helping. You always did love your nature time to clear your head. And good for you for shutting him down so politely with just the thumbs up emoji - he got the message loud and clear, sis!

It makes my heart so happy to see you reaching the "IDGAF" stage about what he's doing. You deserve someone who adores just YOU, not running around chasing other girls. Keep surrounding yourself with your people and doing what makes you happy. Screw that loser!

You can do a spa night with face masks and junk food real soon, ok? You've got this sis - I'm always here if you need an ear or a hug. Now go show the world how amazing you are without him!

[sawno]

I find this a weird concept and its not cheating to me. Like if a partner needs some emotional help because things are rough why wouldn't they go to a friend if for whatever reason I am not the right person to help? My friends who are in a relationship come to me to and I try to advice them to help fix it. I never even remotely considered it helping them cheat since my intent is always to help fix their relationship unless I think the partner is toxic.

So this lacks the context of what he did wrong, but it does hint at a deeper problem that he didn't feel like you could support him with those things. Considering you left him because he tried to seek help from others rather than taking into account why he needed that help that may already be a hint as to why he may have felt the need to.

[Asker]

Hi there. I'm really sorry, maybe I didn't explain properly and well as I didn't want to lengthen the main question I was trying to ask.. but basically he was texting these girls late at night after I was asleep, meeting up with some of them without my knowledge.. hell, when we first started dating, he was even meeting this one girl and spending time with her more than with me, his girlfriend.. I was his girlfriend, with our physical connection and everything, but emotionally he was connected and completely invested in these other girls.. now I guess everyone has their own perspective.. but if it hurts you that your partner is spending a lot of time sharing about his life, problems and other smaller details more than to someone else than you.. then what can you do about it? I tried and tried and gave my all to be there for him, asking him about his day... Asking him to share with me his sorrows, pain , troubles and simply if he had any good thing going on as well, never complained, put him above everyone else.. but he chose to do that with someone else. It always made me feel that I was not good enough for him.