Is it normal for a relationship to end and the girl still get rights to your stuff?

[Anonymous]

So we still had 3-4 months on our lease and she wanted to go about business as usual and I was like no cause she had essentially already divided living spaces of the apartment. She still wanted to use my tv’s, speakers, cameras and I would get upset because once a relationship ends that essentially it. When i was in a relationship with her there wasn’t a single thing I bought that she didn’t have access to I even bought things often with the relationship in mind. This turned into another trauma element of the breakup because then after I got upset with her using my stuff still after the breakup she ran to her friends, our mutual friends and her family and was getting them to bash me saying I was being petty and I was like how and confused in what world can you you break up with someone and still use their stuff as if you are still a couple.

[melnc]

Let’s be real... acting like nothing has changed is just embarrassing. You can't break up and still use each other things as if you’re still a couple. If you want independence, you need to respect each other boundaries. This isn't about being petty, it's about moving on. Let her vent to her friends, it just shows how she can't face reality. If this continues, one of you has to find a new place and move out.

[Asker]

That’s what I was thinking like at that point you are simply being used and just as a stranger doesn’t have automatic access to your belongings she shouldn’t either I was horribly attack for this. She was suppose to be able to break up and still continue using all the stuff I bought

[melnc]

Since your belongings are expensive, it's important to consider the possibility of theft, either from her or with the help of her friends. It might be a good idea to look for a new place to move to and to keep your plans to yourself for now. Besides, you should worry about her friends... because, she is like a sheep, easily led, so be cautious about what’s happening behind your back.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the need to be so damn petty. No she’s not entitled to your items but it’s not like she’s going anywhere with the stuff and if she were just a friend or roomie you’d probably loan those items. If I were you I would’ve hit the bullet and tried keeping things as peaceful as possible. Instead you were a jerk when goi could’ve been cordial and now it’s over and you have no choice but to reflect.

[Asker]

So someone who was so hateful verbally and physically abusive and then absolutely trashed me deserves to still use my stuff

[Opinion Owner]

And you’re completely innocent right? Total victim you did absolutely nothing?

[Asker]

I know it sounds crazy but yeah I absorbed a whole lot of stuff I never called her names never was physically abusive I was there for her when she was sick and I cared for her. I even provided for her sister when she was on the verge of going homeless, i insisted that the sister stay in my apartment while I was over at my girlfriends I also kept the refrigerator full for her I also gave her cash to establish a bank account. I took my girlfriend on surprise spontaneous dates, if she was texting me saying she had a hard day at work I would be excited because I know the impact of what a surprise date would be. When her favorite shows came to town I surprised her with tickets. In closing I am a big person on accountability but even her own mom said that she abused me, she came once and drove me to the grocery store and told me that she was scared her daughter was going to run me off and that she didn’t get what she’s doing from her.

[Opinion Owner]

All I know is that each time you post about this relationship, you mention all the amazing shiny things you did for her, how perfect of a boyfriend you were and how she was abusive in return. In my experience not a single person is perfect, and usually when a guy is listing all his wins without addressing one single fault, it’s to deflect and garner sympathy as to push their own narrative. Yes, men can absolutely get abused but the way you always ship this story around or choose to include the abusive context when you want folks to lean your way, makes me feel like you aren’t being fully transparent about your part in why that relationship didn’t work.

[Asker]

I put my deficiencies in their I included I was on the autism spectrum I actually highlighted it two weeks into the relationship that whole text was everything that transpired during the relationship.

[Asker]

Also I’m fairness to your post I would routinely ask what I was doing to be treated the way I was and she never had an answer. She called me nuisance or bitch more then affectionate names. I would also ask her mom as well as my sister what I doing wrong to be treated like this. The thing is it had progressed to a point where I was starting to internalize someone else’s unhealed trauma most around who see the relationship happening stated that she had severe mental health issues that she refused to get therapy or assistance with. Two weeks into the relationship she hit me and I was ready to be done then because that’s a major red flag but she cryed saying she didn’t know what came over her so I gave her another chance.

[Smashingdoozy]

I mean yeah you're being petty. you're still living in the same space, not letting her use things she used before is petty.

[Smashingdoozy]

It's not like she's moving out and taking your stuff with her

[Asker]

But make it make sense if someone now is a roomate and not a romantic partner how does that entitle them to use your belongings. She would divide the apartment and yell at me for being in the living room even imposing a certain time I could only be in there. I guess I don’t get how it’s petty because you also don’t understand the shear amount of abuse both physical and verbally I went through

[Asker]

Also the most expensive thing we co signed she basically took from me day 1. We co signed a car and she basically made it hers and didn’t allow me to ever have it I was still catching the bus. She would provoke an argument each time I wanted to use the car then after the relationship ended she automatically decided she was going to keep the car and that I can’t remove my name from the lease

[Smashingdoozy]

Perhaps she's also being unreasonable. But if you were roommates and your tv is in a shared living space then it's for everyone to use 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

She didn’t see the living room as a shared space she constantly called it her living space because essentially she had cut the apartment in half

[LiamJHayden]

If it is that big of a deal, move out and eat the last few months of extra rent.

[Asker]

Couldn’t afford it at the moment I wanted to because she was also physically and verbally abusive

[Anonymous]

What stuff?

[Asker]

TVs, cameras, Bluetooth speaker