I think I'm done with my 22 year marriage. Is it too soon to give up or am I doing the right thing?

[Anonymous]

This is a throw away account. I am 40 years old.

I have been with my husband since I was 16 years old. I lost my virginity to him and we married at 18. We had two children 4 years into our marriage.

Throughout the first 17 years of the marriage I was the only one that would show affection. I would sit on his lap and cuddling with him. I would kiss him and hug him constantly. He was only interested in sex. I would make him lunches with little notes. I cooked and cleaned. I also worked part time during my pregnancy but it was never good enough for him. He would constantly tell me he works longer and harder than me. When both our children were born I was the only one that cared for them for around two years of their life. He never helped with nightly feeds. Basically, the first 17 years of our marriage I was trying to be the best wife I could be, while he seemed like he didn't want to be there.

Things eventually changed. I decided I was going to show him how he was treating me. I became cold and distant. I quit waiting on him hand and foot. I stopped caring basically. His whole demeanor changed... he became happier and slightly more affectionate. He started helping out around the house more. The last 6 years he's been on his best behavior. But it's too late. I can't stand his presence and I want out. Why do I hate this man?

I also have a guy feelings that he might have been cheating for awhile. A person doesn't just hit a switch and change from annoyed to happy.

[Cripplingkingship]

I don't think he has being cheating, I think he has changed because he has noticed a change in you, that you are distant with him. He is probably think, if I don't change I am going lose my life. Basically people change when you distant yourself from them.

This the problem with most relationship, without proper communcation and setting boundaries, relationship fall apart.

I have had this couple friends, they were not investing in the friendship with me, I tried really to hard make things work, but they didn't care. Now they called because a mutual friend mum has passed, I didn't care, and ignore them.

It has now come to point with them like yourself, I don't care anymore and i am not interested in anything they to say to me. They haven't exactly done anything to really hurt, but the fact your husband like my friends are not investing in the relationship, it just cause us not to care anymore.

I don't think you hate him, I just think you have gone beyond your threshold in the relationship, to point you no longer care anymore. I don't hate my friends, just don't care anymore.

Basically you have had enough of him. Same as me with my friends. I just don't want to know them anymore.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like y'all are falling off but I think I'd be giving you bad advice if I just told you to ditch the whole marriage like you didn't use over 20 years in it, I think you should at the least, for the sake of the marriage properly communicate all your emotions to your partner and see if y'all can find something together, it's possible he might have things he wants to speak about as well, as for the cheating, I don't think having some moments of happiness is enough evidence that he is cheating but y'all are married with children I think fighting for the relationship would at least be worth it to your children, rather than just them seeing y'all end everything after 20 years or whatnot, I'd say think about it, hopefully he listens and y'all can find solutions.

[Asker]

I can't talk to him. He says I'm creating problems or I'm too emotional.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then tell him you are on the line of divorce, maybe he will listen then, at this point that's what's gonna happen anyways so maybe it will get through his thick skull on how badly he's fucking up

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think you coild both benefit from marriage counseling if you are both willing to do it. If you've fallen out of love with him, then it may not even work, but at least you might get some closure from it. It sounds like verbal communication about issues haven't been happening, just mood and behavioral changes. He sounds very passive about the whole relationship.

[Anonymous]

Throw away account, throw away marriage. Seems like a theme here.

Is it any wonder most marriages don't last?

[Asker]

What's the longest relationship you've had?

More than half my life with this man. Don't try to tell me I didn't try.

[Opinion Owner]

I've been with my wife since high school, so 13 years. Not half my life yet, but getting close.

I didn't say you didn't try. I just think it's a mindset among today's women. They don't take the wedding vows seriously anymore. Personally, I meant this when I said it --> ""For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part"

[MasterKS]

You are too late for this! You should have done way earlier.