How should I feel and handle this?

Question

My ex just told me that he's in love with his best friend from high school who he went out with back in high school. But the dilemma is that she's married now with a child. She also has feelings for him and her marriage is on the rocks.

This honestly broke my heart a bit. It's like the more I talk to him, the worse things get for me. I just want to end communication but I don't know how. I thought we could be friends but eventually I know he's going to date someone else whether it's his best friend or someone new and it stings a bit.

I know you guys warned me of this happening, but I just thought I would be able to handle it. I thought a friendship with him would be easy now that we've both moved on.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Maybe somewhere down the road you can be friends but not right now I mean if he knew you at all he didn't tell you that to be honest he told you that to hurt you he didn't have to bring it up and he could have dodged the question if you asked it.

I mean he knows what it was going to do to you and I think that's wrong

And then I also look at it like is it real is it fake is he making it up to make you jealous and those type of people you don't need in your life

If you were a partner with him and you broke up and you both want to try to be friends you don't hurt each other it's too soon to be telling each other that you're going out on a date with somebody or you like somebody and blah blah blah you talk about 100 million other things you don't talk about a relationship or getting into a relationship if you honestly want to be that person's friend because you care now I think it's wrong that he did what he did and it doesn't matter what the reason is he could not even brought it up even if you asked a question he could have just bypassed it I think that you need to move on if you broke up you need to move on

With a true friendship you can talk about anything. But that's two people that have not been in a relationship with each other because if that's the case just out of courtesy there's just things you don't bring up or talk about

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Damn, that really sucks. I can't believe your ex would tell you all that stuff about still having feelings for his friend and her marriage being on the rocks. What a jerk!

It's totally understandable that it would hurt to hear. I mean, you were together and now he's telling you he's hung up on someone else, even though she's married with a kid. That's rough. I'd be pretty pissed if I were you.

I think cutting contact is definitely the best thing to do right now. It's only gonna make you feel worse if you keep talking to him and hearing about his drama with her. Let things cool off for a while. Once he gets over this thing with his friend and sorts his own stuff out, maybe you guys can try being friends again down the road. But there's no point torturing yourself by sticking around while he works through all that.

Try hanging with your other friends more to take your mind off it. Hit the movies, go to the mall, have game nights - whatever you guys like to do. Getting distracted will help it hurt less. And who knows, taking a break from your ex could end up being a good thing. You might meet someone new before he does!

Just give it some time. I know it's hard, but try not to worry about who he dates next. His loss, right? You deserve way better than a guy who's still hung up on his ex. Keep your chin up - you'll get through this!

avery58 · Accepted Answer

I try not to judge others but it's almost like some people refuse to move on... I never did understand the people who are in love with someone from like 10-20 years ago. Well, everyone is different I guess.

Anyway, I suggest you cut contact with him. It's not healthy for you either. And it's kind of inappropriate to share these things with an ex in my opinion, an ex isn't ever going to be a normal friend... Also it's scummy that he kind of led you on the whole time he was with you if he was still worshipping someone from his past the whole time. It will be easier for you to fully heal from that chapter once you stop talking, don't be like him.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

there is no one who will take better care of yourself than you... so do what makes you feel good or at least makes you feel less bad, in the first place, then check if you don't hurt others... and then realign...

so... if talking to your ex makes you feel worse, tell him it doesn't work for you ad you want to end your contacts now...

Finchie40 · Answer

You are best to just cut all ties with him and move on if it’s effecting you , just tell him the truth that you don’t hate him but you can no longer be friends’ with him , just be honest and tell him it’s been hard for you to move on by him still being in your life , so it’s best for you both to move on , if you want you can say you are sorry it came down to this but I have to do what’s best for myself and then hang up the phone , if he tries calling you back or tries contacting you in any which way just ignore him and eventually he will get the hint that you are moving on without him.

AviatorTom · Answer

An ex is an ex for a reason... past history. Break it off completely, and move on.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I’m amazed that you attempted to remain friends with him , as that’s fair on nobody , future partners or each other but I do understand why you did Additionally, For him to re-take on a high-school girlfriend fresh from a broken marriage with a child , going from one relationship to another I can only think he must be really sure of what he wants or foolish as that’s an incredible reaponsibility especially with the child and her very raw from her marriage ending. Have to say though I do wonder a little over her motives. For you though , cutting ties completely although incredibly difficult will give you the space and time that you need to heal. In my experience everyone should have this to at least attempt to deal with the emotional baggage that’s left behind whenever a relationship ends. Please take care of yourself and good luck.

exitseven · Answer

I always say that staying friends with your ex is like cutting a dogs tail off an inch at a time so it does not hurt as much.
This guy sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Either the husband will find out and break his kneecaps or the wife will string him along until she get tired of him. His newfound relationship will blow up in his face and he will want to get back with you.
I think that somebody as nice as you will have little trouble finding a good guy which is what you deserve,

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

You should just eject yourself out of there. It's a losing battle and you're never going to win and prizes by wasting your time with that situation. I mean you're basically catching rejection while being his love pillow while he toils about the people that rejected him... and I'm sure they rejected him for reasons similar to yours.

Look... if you cut things off and just moved on...(this is also a warning), he's going to be chasing you down when you're with another guy and catch you when things are on the rocks. I say cut this guy off, but really cut him off otherwise he's going to make you just another one of his obsessions he seeks out while he has another chick he drags along that used to be you.

Just being real.

Still-alive · Answer

Sorry you're going through this. you may not want to hear this but for your own peace of mind you may want to just go no contact at all with him don't take his calls or texts. you can even try to explain you need to be alone for awhile...

and if he can't understand that you may also want to consider blocking him. you'll have to be away and deal with this by yourself.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

It sounds like he’s confused and doesn’t love her he loves the idea of the happy moments he had with her. Being with someone who is married/was married/has a child isn’t a spur of the moment or passionate relationship as he thinks. It comes with a lot of responsibility…100% think if they do date he will end it when reality kicks in. For your mental and emotional health it’s best to cut ties. You will only lose your self confidence and moral.

Peridot25 · Answer

Cut contact straight up with no warning.
It’s funny him and his best friend haven’t been together since high school and now want to get together. Makes me wonder if they always had feelings for each other.

Rashmixoxo · Answer

I don't see any point in staying in touch with an ex.

Squatting_Slav · Answer

The best thing to do in this scenario, is quite literally cut ALL contact with him.

This does two things, you give him the gift of missing you, and you also move on fast. With no contact and coming to closure it is revitalising, you're set on a blank slate a new starting point that is wholesome

WhitneySnow · Answer

If it hurts too badly you might need to go no contact

Subtle_Luminescence · Answer

You didn't have to go through all this. An ex is an ex for a reason. You move ahead, cut them off and never look back again.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

How should you feel?  No, no and no! How do YOU feel?  The honest answer to this question is the solution to your problem 🙂

lorenzomichael · Answer

You just got to let it all go. Try and put him behind you completely. So you have to do whatever it takes to make that happen. It’s in your best interest.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I think you need a full and complete break just on the limited information. I realized that's painful but IMHO think it's the best

the29thhuman · Answer

Leave him. It’s not ur job to sit around and see what his decision is.  Why even ask us about that - Jesus some women I tell ya

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

You're going to have to go through the pain.  Eventually you will emotionally be healed and be better.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Your gonna hate this but block and delete him on your phone , you'll move on from him eventually took me awhile my friend

Anonymous · Answer

Start packing your things regardless

NathanDavis · Answer

indeed, move on

MK1997 · Answer

You have to get rid of him

msc545 · Answer

The best cure for a man is another man...

Ironco · Answer

You didn't move on, but you should.

MasterKS · Answer

Get a new dude soon!

yelir · Answer

One word: Leave.

Jpie555 · Answer

Move on bb

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