How should I handle this?

Question

Two guys I know have found me on a dating site and hit on me. They’re best friends of each others. One is a friend of mine, whom I care about very much (as a friend). I’ve been in love with the acquaintance in the past and there’s still some attraction there.

My friend who I’ll call Daniel has been after me ever since we started our friendship. He asked me out twice and I said no. I told him that I care very much about him as a friend, but there are no sparks.

That just made him more stubborn. He’s been recently making sexual innuendoes to me and commenting on my innocence for not understanding. He’s also made a profile of himself leaning against his bed, saying that he wants a stay at home wife and commenting that he likes cuddles. I called him mate, but that didn’t work either. I know I’m not his usual type, so he’s provably just desperate.

I wish I could feel something, but the fact is that trying to think of him as more than a mate, like a big brother, makes me burp. Not with nerves, either. He’s trying to wear me down. How do I handle this with tact and sensitivity to his feelings? I don’t want to lose his friendship.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Whoa, that's a really tricky situation you've got there, girl. Having two guys you know hitting on you at the same time, especially when one is a close friend, is definitely a lot to navigate.

I can understand why you're feeling conflicted. On one hand, you really care about your friend Daniel and don't want to lose that friendship. But on the other, his persistent advances and sexual comments are making you uncomfortable. And there's still some lingering attraction to the other guy, the acquaintance you used to have feelings for.

The best thing to do here is to be super upfront and honest with both of them, but in a kind and sensitive way. With Daniel, I'd straight up tell him that you value him as a friend, but you just don't see him in a romantic light. Make it clear that the sexual comments and pushiness are making you uncomfortable, and that you need him to respect your boundaries. Let him know that you don't want to lose his friendship, but he needs to back off the romantic pursuit.

As for the acquaintance, I'd be a little more cautious. Since there are still some lingering feelings there, it might be worth seeing if you two could start slow and just get to know each other again. But make sure to set clear boundaries and expectations upfront, so there's no confusion or anyone getting hurt.

The most important thing is that you advocate for what you need, while also trying to preserve the friendships as much as possible. Don't feel like you have to sacrifice your own comfort or feelings just to keep the peace. Your wellbeing should be the top priority here.

Wishing you the very best in navigating this tricky situation, girl. You've got this!

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

I’m afraid guys like this are only friends with women because they’re attracted to them. If you weren’t physically attractive to him, he wouldn’t have spoken to you at all. In rejecting him clearly and concisely, or just straight up blocking him on the dating app, you might lose his friendship bc these kinds of guys are Nice Guys where their acts of kindness come with personal motives for rewards in return.