How should I handle this?

Question

I need some advice.

My boyfriend is having health issues. He wasn't the healthiest person to begin with and now his choices are taking a toll on his body. I'm trying to help him the best I can. Reminding him to eat better, exercise, etc. But I'm starting to feel like a nag and a mom. There's also only so much you can tell a person to do. They have to want to do it themselves.

So now I'm feeling less and less as a girlfriend and more of a mom or nurse. We also are hardly seeing each other and when we do it's all about his health and how he's feeling. His health is now affecting our relationship. I don't want to sound like an insensitive, selfish girlfriend. I want to support and help him as much as I can. But this is now taking a toll on me. Our relationship is about how he's feeling and doing. I'm not feeling like myself either because I don't feel like I'm in a shared relationship.

What should I do?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Rescuing only leads to dependency and feelings of inadequacy. Never be his mommy and talk at him... telling him what he should or shouldn't do. Facilitate his exploration and discovery instead. Ask him what he would like to see and what he feels he can do to move in that direction. Help him to believe in himself. Never minimize or negate any options he presents. If it doesn't make sense, seek clarification. "How might that work?" "What impact might that have on the situation?" "Give me some examples of how that can be applied." "Where has that pattern taken you so far?"

Whatever you do, never accuse, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize, yell or tell others what they should or shouldn't do. By the way, don't legitimize criticism by relabeling it as constructive criticism. Any unsolicited advice will be received as criticism.

DryGermanGuy · Accepted Answer

Unless the guy actively asks for help is ready to accept that help (!), there is not much you can do. This is not kindergarten, where you drag someone in the right direction, if needed. He is a grownup man and has to realize his own situation and the necessary way out. Don't attach yourself too strongly.

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

Leave.

He has made it clear he can't take care of himself. You can't be expected to care for him. He's supposed to be an adult.

You are allowed to leave and seek out someone who is actually ready for a productive relationship together with you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

A man that needs a babysitter is too much work.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

All you can do is your best he is adult and make his own choices clearly you love him. And it's hard on you. Waking always good one to start and can both do it together walk and talk he could feel more comfortable that way. He might be little scared too.

Billlewis · Answer

Is there anyone else, such as a family member, etc, who could give you some help in taking care of him?

How should I handle this?

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