I feel really lost and I don’t know what to do?

I’ve been in a relationship for four years since I’m 17. I’m having a really hard time leaving my boyfriend after I found out he cheated on me for the second time. Our relationship is really confusing because he really made me believe that him cheating was my fault, but he’s been nice kind of The thought of seeing him with other girls makes me literally wanna throw up. I don’t know how to get over it I feel like I’m just staying with him out of attachment and not because I genuinely love him because he doesn’t treat me properly. He’s lied to me multiple times and I’m truly just lost. I don’t know how to move on and let go of him even though he hurt me so bad I feel like I should be angry at him, but for some reason after him cheating on me, I wanna be with him even more am I normal? Am I like demented or something? I really don’t know what to do.
I feel really lost and I don’t know what to do?
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