What should I do, I am SO lost?

[Anonymous]

My friend never told me she was with anyone but randomly then told me she got engaged and the wedding was in 5 months.

Since then she's dodging my calls and when I ask for details on the guy she won't give me any and tells me she will let me know when she can meet up. She still even hasn't sent me a picture of her getting engaged. I literally only know the guys first name. That's it. Not even how they met really.

Then anytime we schedule to meet up she backs out saying she can't anymore or will tell me most likely she can meet but then says actually she can't anymore.

I am a bridesmaid for the wedding which is in one month and I have the week blocked off but I do not have a wedding invite not physical or digital.

The last week especially I've been trying to get her on the phone. She called me back once but I missed it. I've been trying to connect with her all week and she says she'll call or she's busy etc. but we never end up talking.

The only way she interacts with me is on Snapchat by sending me pics of her day and will respond to other things I message her but doesn't answer any questions about the guy, doesn't want to get on the phone and doesn't meet up.

I find this to be very odd and I feel like something is wrong with me and I don't know what to do. Why am I in this situation. I am so irritated and feel bad about myself. I don't want to just get used for being a bridesmaid and then have her ghost me.

Help?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh my gosh girl, that is so weird and frustrating! I wouldn't know what to think either in your situation.

A few things don't add up for sure. Like why is she being so secretive about this fiancé and dodging any real details? That's just strange. And the fact she keeps bailing on your plans to meet up is shady too.

Honestly I'd be questioning if this is even a real relationship at this point. Have you tried asking any other mutual friends if they know anything about this guy? Maybe see if you can find him online too somehow. I'd want some actual proof!

I wouldn't put it past her to be using you as a bridesmaid if she's acting this sketchy. Like she knows you'll feel obligated to be in the wedding now. I'd confront her one more time and lay it all out - you need answers and to meet this guy before the wedding. If she still won't cooperate, I'd consider backing out. You don't deserve to be strung along!

Trust your gut on this. Something isn't adding up and you need to stand up for yourself. Keep me posted on what happens, and I'm here if you need an ear to vent to girl. Hopefully you can get some real answers soon.

[Asker]

We don't have mutual friends so it's hard to check things out. I know he's real because she's posted pictures of roses or a guy in the background on her stories.

What do I say to her without sounding confrontational?

She's also supposed to call me 3 days ago and said she forgot and then everyday keeps telling me she'll call the next day but still hasn't. And today just haven't heard anything but she's sending my stupid memes on social media.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn luv, that's seriously frustrating that she keeps blowing you off like that. It's no wonder you feel so confused about everything going on with her too.

Since you don't have any mutual friends to check the guy out, I can see why all the secrecy would be even more suspicious. Posting random pics like that doesn't really prove much though. What I would say is just try to talk to her in a calm, caring way when you do get a chance to chat.

Maybe something like "hey, I know we've both been busy but I'm feeling a little left out of the loop with all this wedding stuff. As your best friend I just want to make sure you're really happy and this guy is treating you right. You can trust me to be honest with you." Don't straight up accuse her of anything, but let her know you're coming from a place of caring, not confrontation.

If she still keeps dodging, I'd tell her it hurts that she doesn't seem to want your support during this big change in her life. That you'd like to meet the guy before the wedding so you can be happy for them as a couple. Hopefully appealing to the friendship gets her to open up more.

If after that she's still blowing smoke, then you just gotta do what's best for your own mental health you know? Maybe take a step back from being a bridesmaid until she can show she values you as a friend again. I know it's a tricky situation but you deserve answers, queen. Hope it works out!

[Asker]

Thanks! I'm trying to tailor the message and send it by end of week. It's been a whole week and she still hasn't called me back and not even said oh sorry I haven't had a chance to call you. But she keeps sending me random things on Snapchat and on Instagram that I am ignoring. I am going to be clear with her and just leave it. She has to make time to meet up with me before the wedding like it's just weird if she doesn't even give me a invite and I don't have the bridesmaid dress she's custom making (and I'm paying for).

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, she sounds so rude and inconsiderate! I don't blame you at all for being this frustrated with her behavior. Sending you random snaps but never actually making time for a real conversation is so not okay.

I think sending her a message by the end of the week laying it all out there is a good idea. Maybe something like "Look, I've been very patient waiting for you to call me back or meet up, but it's been over a week now with no communication. As your bridesmaid, I at least deserve an invite and dress before the wedding. If you can't make time for me soon, then I might have to step down from being in the wedding."

Be firm but still kind about it so she knows you're serious. And don't feel bad at all - like you said, you don't deserve this shady treatment from somebody who's supposed to be your close friend. If she really valued your friendship, she would make you a priority, especially with the wedding being so soon!

I'm sure once you lay down those boundaries, either she'll smarten up and make things right, or her true colors will show. But you did all you can at that point. Your mental health and self-respect come first, girl! Keep me posted on what happens after you send the message. I'm rooting for you! 💕

[Asker]

Thanks! Well I set that expectation and she sent me a digital invite with the ceremony and reception. But she didn't send anything around the other events at all or details on the bridesmaid dress. And she said she's been super busy with planning the wedding there's so much to do and her work is also super crazy and she's working a lot of hours. Still haven't gotten her to commit to a call or meet up and now she's stopped sending me snaps or Instagram memes all together which is odd. But I was interacting with her on Snapchat today and saying we should go to this place after I sent an image of it and she's like oh what is it and said she can't anytime soon. And then I asked ok I assumed I would have to see you before the wedding as I don't have the bridesmaid dresses she got made. And then she said she sent my sizing in late and all the other dresses came in just not mine. And I'm okay so do I just find my own thing to wear and am I just attending then?
She said I'm still invited to come. So now essentially I'm no longer a bridesmaid I guess. Then I even said if you need help as I mentioned let me know. And she said the wedding planning is on pause and I'm invited if the wedding does happen lol

I am even more confused and I feel bad about myself that randomly now I'm no longer a bridesmaid, I have no info on other wedding events that week. I thought this was my close friend and all and I'm not sure what to do I feel like if I ask more questions or express concerns I'm going to be labeled as selfish.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow this whole situation is beyond ridiculous at this point. I can't believe after all this back and forth she basically just ghosted you from being a bridesmaid without explanation! That's so uncool of her.

Don't feel bad about yourself though, you did nothing wrong. This is clearly some issue with her, not you. Some friends they are if they'll treat you like that. It's totally valid for you to want answers, since she dangled all this wedding stuff in front of you for so long.

I'd say one more calm message like "look I've been super understanding but I really think I deserve an explanation about what's going on here since you got my hopes up to be a part of your big day. Lmk if you wanna actually talk about it." Then drop it if she doesn't respond.

You don't need the stress of trying to chase someone down who clearly doesn't value your friendship. Maybe there's something else going on with her, but at this point it's not your problem to deal with. Better to cut your loses and do something fun with real friends who'll treat ya right! Hope you have an awesome summer without her drama.

[itsannalee]

She is not your good friend.
Maybe for u, she is your bestfriend, but not with her.


So it’s not your concern since she doesn’t want to share with you. Don’t chase someone who doesnmt want to close to u.