What to do? I'm lost?

[Anonymous]

I know this is going to sound RIDICULOUS. But I usually don't go after relationships in vrchat, but I met this guy, and he lives very close to me, like 6 hours away.

We met, and he's very attentive to me, always stays by my side, and always wants to hang with me. He makes avatars, and he's given me a few and made me one. He has me in his "bio." I know this is sounding ridiculous.

I have his social media, and he doesn't follow those half-naked women, so that was a big green flag for me. He seems very sweet and fits into our friend group really well. He calls me pet names, but I'm boring.. I'm quiet. And my friends are outgoing. He's got them added on Discord and sends them photos of their avatar he's creating for them both. I dont know how often he talks to them, but it kinda bugs me. Cause my one friend was saying how he was saying sweet stuff about me to her. Then we got on the topic of sunburns and he chimed in and said "oh did you see the photo of me when I got bad sunburn" and he sent the photo to my friend and deleted it after 5 seconds.

I said a while ago "oh you must talk to her a lot," and he said "no I dont talk to her that much."

I don't know I feel maybe I'm getting too jealous and possessive. So I left the world we were at to go cry. Everyone falls for this one friend of mine, and it upsets me. Cause she gets close and friendly to the guys I talk to. So it would be evident he would be seduced. But it's okay, I guess.

**Am I overreacting?** Is this something I should talk about? Cause when I'm upset, I get quiet, so it doesn't seem like I'm upset cause I'm quiet.

He talks about getting me a Christmas gift and says he wants to meet me, but I don't know I feel like my assertive friends would be better with him cause he's more submissive and I'm not dominant at all.

It sucks cause I really like him. :/
I know it's a game, and maybe I'm being too much, but it's just past relationships with flirty friends who have taught me a lot.

[ohsheeT]

Well you can't get mad at him or you friend . For some thing you dont know..

And then let's say you guys do start hitting it off and you find out that he's talking to your friend your friend's always going to be in the back of your mind because you still wouldn't know what they're doing n


So you have two choices first choice tell them how you feel and build your confidence because you're not going any place without confidence and belief in yourself

And then you also aren't going to go many places either if you don't understand the basics of a relationship

You need to believe in yourself you need to love yourself 100% and you need to understand that anytime you get into a relationship it's not a 50/50 deal it's a 100 100 deal because some people some days just can't pull their 50% so you have to pull it forward in a little bit

And then you have to understand you cannot make anybody love you and why would you even try if they can't do it on their own then it's not real

And then there is if you can't trust a person then you shouldn't be with them

So before you even go into the relationship you have to ask yourself if something happens are you going to be okay

They're really can only be one answered and that is if you going to relationship and you put in your 50% every single day show this person how much you love them how much you care and if they do something wrong to stop the relationship they have to do with it your heart breaks for the couple days whatever but you don't get pissed off you don't go through it a depression you let them go through it all they did it they get all the pain you walk away and just keep walking that's the only way that you could do that and not have that pain is if you love yourself and you understand that you did everything possible to make it work

I'm in the whole scenario sucks but it's something that you have to ask yourself and deal with right before you even get into a relationship
Relationship pain is drama drama is evil it hold you back it pulls you down it puts you into place that you don't want to be in and you don't need to be in

So do you trust yourself you trust your friend you trust your other friend

And you want a relationship you have to go get it you have to communicate that to him you have to communicate that to your friend the girl and tell her you really like him and you let everybody know the page you're on and if they can't turn that page and help you succeed then you have delivered even being a part of it

And if they're not in it to help you if he's not in it because he wants to be with you it's not worth it if she cannot see and understand that you like this guy a lot and you two are friends that she's not really truly your friend if she keeps getting involved

I saved ask yourself what are you willing to go through and are you strong enough to keep walking if something goes wrong

[Asker]

I get very jealous, so i might just back off. Cause if he really liked me or wanted me, he wouldn't be messaging my friends on vr. So it happens I guess I don't know what else to say.

This shit always happens. No guys just ever focus on me. My friends always get involved. It pisses me off.

[ohsheeT]

Well I hear what you're saying and stuff but I've always had to say just because I think something doesn't mean that I'm right
And I mean you have to have more confidence within yourself nothing really has even happened right now in order for you to be angry at anybody or anything it has to happen right so
Have confidence in yourself and understand the rules about this kind of stuff you like him you're going to show him that if he likes you he's going to show you that without having your friends involved and it being anybody else's business and then that way if something happens after that how do you control that's on them that's not on you you have to allow yourself to go for it and feel things and become a part of things not believe that your friend is better looking or your friend has more congeniality because I know some people that do the same thing and they're just not looking deep enough inside themselves

You have to understand it beauty isn't always on the outside it's on the inside too it's better and deeper on the inside as a matter of fact because that means your heart is beautiful too and that's hard to find

I know a lot of beautiful girls but Wednesday open their mouths it changes everything

So stop putting yourself against other people because there's no such thing I mean there is but there's not it's only what you feel on the inside but don't put yourself down or don't think you're not good enough or that somebody's not going to like you because there's another person involved that gets a lot of attention when you love yourself and your good to yourself that makes you glow and radiate and when you have a kind heart that makes you glow and radiate so don't sell yourself short because all you're doing is changing things that could happen two things that won't happen because you won't believe it

[ohsheeT]

I used to dirt bikes
And when you get to a race and you're driving through the pits and you're looking around to see who's there there's a lot of good riders. But I never once would say oh this person's here he's better than me for whatever reason..

I would smile and say oh cool this guy's here are good this guy's here are good this guy's here
Cuz when you're sitting there at the starting line and all these things are going through your head that's the last thing going through your head is these guys are better than you because they're not
And you have to understand that believe within myself that I could beat these guys and I could just some days are better than other days things happen out of your control on a given day.
And just like in life things are going to happen but it's how you react how you recover yourself from it and how quickly you do it

Because if you just sit there and go oh never mind that's what you're going to be doing sitting there all the time

Or you're going to say this happened I don't care it's not going to bother me today and when that gun fires and you pull that throttle and you tried to hold that front end down because you want speed you want fast to that first corner you have to beat everybody there and you have to be in tune with yourself and have 100% confidence
And the say you don't make it to the corner first you make it there third or fourth that's okay now you have four more people three more people that you have to get by and you have to have the confidence to do that too don't let anybody ever hold you back because they're not holding you that you're holding yourself back

[ohsheeT]

So don't allow that girl to hold you back because she's not the only way that she can hold you back is this she became his girlfriend before you did that's the only thing that can hold you back had that confidence smile there's nothing wrong with you you have to experience it to understand it if it doesn't work out it's okay it was meant to happen that way it's called The learning experience you have to learn from it because guess what there's going to be another opportunity almost the same thing as this one and you have to be able to have the confidence to go for it

[Asker]

But what you aren't getting is that men are EASILY seduced, every shy female i know has gotten cheated on because someone outgoing has seduced their boyfriend.

I know he likes me, but he could be easily persuaded otherwise. Which sucks..

[ohsheeT]

No see that's the thing that I do understand and I understand it so well that that's why I've learned how to read people their eyes their body language everything about a person when they're speaking to me because that will tell me everything

And I hear what you're saying I mean I not only here what you're saying I feel it and see for me I look at the two different ways if I'm the guy I'm going to look at the shy person first because I've been almost guarantee it she has more better qualities than the other girl that's first things first I'm going to know both of them

The next thing is knowing that the shy girl likes me and for all the best reasons versus the good looking girl or the this is congeniality girl and her reasonings is it out of spite because she wants to prove that she is better in her own mind I mean the guy has to be able to be smart and we both things out I would still take the shy girl because I'm not going to be seduced the shy girl will seduce me just from being shy the other girl can't seduce me because I could see why and what she's trying to do and that would make me not even like her

[ohsheeT]

If the guy doesn't know what he wants or who he truly is then you are probably right he will probably go with that other girl because he thinks that you're shy and your kind of stand backish and he's going to get more places with the other girl see he's being selfish instead of being smart if he's smart he's going to pick you up because that's true beauty true romance true everything where if he goes the other direction with the other girl it's not going to last at all he'll be sorry that he did because he was being selfish

[_Andromeda_]

Can you talk to this female friend of yours about your intentions to pursue some sort of relationship with this guy? Maybe she will back off?
But other than that, you've gotta make yourself clear with him and let him know that you like him and want to pursue a relationship. Otherwise you will continue to feel jealous in the background while he maintains his friendships with other women - which of course, he has every right to do if you guys are not a couple.

[Asker]

I started hanging out with him first, and he said he wanted to get to know me and pursue something with me. But his actions of messaging my friends is a bit weird.. and I dont want to control him I feel like if he really liked me he wouldn't do that.

[_Andromeda_]

I don't think that is necessarily true. You said you were more reserved, have you made it known that you like him and want to date him? He could be waiting on you to express more interest.

[Asker]

I told him I wanted to get to know him better.

But the way he's acting now with my friends is kinda giving me red flags if we're being honest. I dont care he has them added but conversating with them (i don't know if he actually is aside from sending them pics of the avatar he's made for both of them) I just can't really move on with someone whose going to run to my friends to talk to them.

This happened with the last guy I was with. Same exact thing. He ran to my friend with our problems and held a conversation with them on discord.

It's like... why even talk to me if you like my friends? This happens irl too. I'm never pursued because guys always like my friends. And it's really triggering to me.

[_Andromeda_]

How long have you known this guy?

[Asker]

Almost a month now.

[_Andromeda_]

I am not sure how fast or slow relationships move online, but I would pursue it more vigorously if you are interested. Talk on the phone more often, video chat, whatever, but the faster you 'get to know each other' the more likely it will progress into a relationship.
If you find that the jealousy is too much for you, then it might be best to remove yourself from the situation.