How do I tell my spouse I want a divorce and that I'm leaving?

[BabyOranges]

How to tell my spouse that I'm leaving and want a divorce?

I've (F22) made the decision to leave my husband (M23) and move back in with my mom, who I've already talked too. I'm going to pack the car while he's asleep (he works nights sleeps days) and have it ready to leave, so I won't be roped back into staying. I want to tell him in person I'm leaving, I feel like that's the best and most respectful way to do it. The thing is im not sure what to say, I know why I'm doing this and I've told him multiple about said issues. How do I tell him without sounding horrible?

A little about me, I've always been a people pleaser and I've always let people walk all over me, and I've let him convince me to stay before with his empty promises. I feel if I already have my car packed and ready to go it'll be easier for me to leave.

[Christian_Cartier]

From my experience, the best way to handle relationship issues is always by being open and honest about your problems, and giving the other person a change to show you they value your needs. It sounds like you have already tried this and have not been satisfied with the response.

I hate to say this, but If you are historically a people pleaser, that means that you likely have some maladaptive behaviors that you are unconsciously playing out in your relationship. These are behaviors that we develop in childhood in order to cope with certain family dynamics. As we reach adulthood, these behaviors cause us all kinds of problems, especially in relationships. It might be worth looking into to ensure that you are handling the situation accurately. There are plenty of videos on Youtube about it. One I can recommend is the work by Tim Fletcher. I mention this because packing your stuff before solidifying the breakup seems to me like a maladaptive behavior because it means you haven't communicated your feelings to your partner fully, and might be building up resentment that could result in an overreaction. That is a common trait for people pleasers.

I applaud your courage to stand up for your needs. They are very important and you are correct to feel angry and resentful that they are not being met. It is also important that you communicate them effectively and give your partner a chance to meet them. If you are honest with yourself, and you have tried everything possible to make it work, then distancing yourself is definitely the healthy choice.

[BabyOranges]

I know how to communicate, me and my therapist have talked about all this before. I've been communicating how I feel and how he can change his actions he's the one that doesn't want to do so.

[Ariesman81]

Is your therapist a woman?

[BabyOranges]

No it's a he

[BabyOranges]

I've also been going to therapy since I was 11 tho

[Ariesman81]

Has your therapist ever told you to sit down and stfu?

[BabyOranges]

😂😂😂

[Anonymous]

Kick him in the balls and walk away.
I find this to be the most effective way.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like you are really ready this time, say it as best as you can, the truth has to come out and your seriousness on his behavior has to be clear and nothing clearer than this

[nevooo]

22 years old LMFAO. shocker.

[nevooo]

They wanted to play house.

[BabyOranges]

Lmao or maybe I just want my husband to not be neglectful or an asshole like you.

[nevooo]

22 year old divorcee LOL

[nevooo]

Rather be an asshole than a divorcee fucking child that wanted to play house 💀💀

[BabyOranges]

I actually want something real if anything he's the one that wanted to play house 🤷🏽‍♀️

[nevooo]

Imagine being a divorcee 1 year after you’re legally allowed to consume alcohol you fucking loser 💀

[nevooo]

Look guys, the 22 year old child divorcee wants something real! Before she’s even legally allowed to rent a car LMFAO

[Intheclouds00]

Tell him you want a divorce and you're leaving

[BabyOranges]

I mean yeah lmao but I was hoping to not be so blunt about it, but that's usually the only way I can get things across anyways

[Intheclouds00]

It's better in the long run to be blunt but I get treading lightly or carefully. Better to leave first then tell him otherwise it could get messy...

[Danny_dan92]

Tell him you want a divorce