So my parent's relationship is terrible. They got married after knowing each other for only a couple of months, so that already says something. It's gonna be 20 years that they've been married soon, so yeah, they've been together for a while, but recently, like since 2020, they relationship has gotten so bad it's disgusting. They constantly yell and each other and go on for days without talking to each other unless it's about smth important. When they're mad, they also threaten each other that they'll get a divorce. But honestly, I really would want them to get one. It would save my whole family. I have an older sister that they've mentally hurt so much that I'm constantly worried that she's going to commit suicide. I also have a little brother who's not even a teen yet, so I'm concerned about what might happen to him in the future because of my parents behavior. When my parents are mad at each other, they often take out their anger on us.
I think that my parents getting a divorce would be the best thing for us, because I doubt that going to a therapist or smth would even help out at this point. The problem is that I can't straight out go up to one of my parents and tell them to get divorced. So how can I either hint at it or tell them in a good (?) way?
How Can I Hint To My Parents That I Want Them To Divorce?
I understand where you're coming from as my parents faught all my life. My mom always stayed though because of us kids. She didn't want us to experience what she had growing up. After my older siblings got married and I was the only one left there I told her one day after a big fight they had that it was okay if she wanted to leave him. I told her to not stay just for my sake. I just wanted her to be happy.
Since you're not the only sibling living at home still though it makes it a little more complex.
Could you talk with either of your parents possibly?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
1 y
Honestly I would say to stay out of it. 18-24, you’re an adult, meaning you can move out and live your life separately from them (aside from being there for your brother of course). The damage done to your sisters mental state, even yours, won’t change just because your parents separate. She’s going to need therapy and work every day to strengthen her frame of mind. Speaking of therapy, you’d be better off suggesting this rather than jumping all the way to divorce. 20 years of marriage is worth at least trying to save if both parties are willing. You don’t know that it won’t make a difference, just as you don’t know if it will, but it’s worth a shot. Other than that, don’t involve yourself any more than need be. They won’t listen to you anyway and their relationship isn’t your burden to bear.
As much as it's unfair, you can't ask them to divorce since it's their relationship. But since you're an adult and I assume not dependent on them, you can start calling them out on it and force them to revaluate their relationship, if that means couples counselor even divorce but they have to make the call. You can only point out the problems they're causing. You could try and find ways to take in your siblings in the meanwhile and keep them out of harms way
Just make them realize that their behavior is hurting you. If they care about you then they will stop their nonsense.
Sometimes a person doesn't know their behavior is damaging others until its too late to repair. Something extreme would have to happen in order for them to stop if they can't do it on their own.
Divorce isn't the end all be all solve it. They will still have to deal with the messiness of co-parenting, having double the bills, and the dealing with the load reality that they'll legally be allowed to se me other people and can snub each other.
I say let them figure out their own shit. Keep your head down, mind your own business, and work on surrounding yourself with what good relationships and communication should look like.
You are an adult now. Your two options are to confront them head on and provide all of your thoughts and points as to why you think the way you think, or mind your own business.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Their adults and they should make that decision themselves. I still wouldn't wait for them to make that decision. It's been 20 years. You don't have to allow them to drag you down. Their obviously toxic and you would be better off cutting them out of your life.
If you want to do that, go print on a piece of paper " Will you fix your marriage or finally get a divorce?" And put it where your parents will find it.
