My parents are divorced and can't stand each other. I'm getting married, what to do?

[Anonymous]

My parents are divorced, and their separation was really painful. They can't stand each other, and when I graduated, my mom said she wouldn’t attend if my dad did. He didn’t.
My dad was absent from my life for most of my childhood, but we've been reconnecting over the last few years.

Now that I’m getting married, I want both of them there, but I’m scared. I’m even considering eloping and giving up on my dream wedding to avoid the stress. I’m also thinking of telling them that if anything goes wrong, they’ll be escorted out by security. But I’m not sure it would help. How can I handle this without ruining the day?

[ohsheeT]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this it's ridiculous you have to remind both your parents that they are the adults..
And you have to remind them that the way they act is what they are teaching you..

It's pretty messed up that they can't grow up for at least 2 to 3 hours to make your day a better day it's your day not their day they've already had their day and they couldn't handle it they couldn't deal with each other they couldn't get past whatever it is that that happen. Between them

But the other thing is is you happen between them and they need to make your day a happy day and forget about themselves they're being selfish and actually disgusting really I'm sorry that I had to say it like that but it's true you need to be straight up with them and tell them exactly how you feel don't sugar coat it nothing show them how angry you are if they don't go they don't go that's their loss and they will know that the moment they look at that clock and it starts when they're supposed to be there and if they're not there it's going to hurt them for the rest of their life and they know that I say good luck whatever you've learned from your parents go stick it in the garbage can right now because that's not the way to be ever I don't care what kind of divorce you go through I went through the worst f****** divorce in the world and I still would never do this to my child and I mean I went through hell but I would still be there for my child and I would still be an adult and kind to my ex-wife because that's who I am because I want to teach my children respect no matter what

[Anonymous]

The first thing you need to get right with is this is YOURS and YOUR husband's day NOT THEIRS! In my opinion while I understand your mom's sentiment, she's trying to control this. I can understand why she doesn't want him there. She has a right to feel this way. She probably feels like she was the only parent to you. And that he shouldn't be afforded the privlidge of seeing his daughter marry. But your mom is wrong. Because on THAT DAY your and your husband's happiness is the only one's that matters. You know both these two and you know the liklihood of them behaving themselves. I'd make your decision based on that. But if you want to have a wedding you should have one. Even if you're forced to not invite either of them. Like I say, YOU know them. And if you have enough pull with them I'd say, "you're both invited, I love both of you and I want you both to share our day. This doesn't take away anything you've done mom. I know and understand the sacrifices you've made. I'm asking you to make one more for me. And if she can't see her way to keep a lid on it for one day then I would un-invite both of them.

But that's me. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. You know these people better than I do.

[Asker]

This is exaxtly the way it is! She believes that he doesn't deserve to be there. Thank you 🤍

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. Just understand fully why she doesn't feel he should be there. To her it's either out of spite to him. Or it's because she feels like the message being made is that they're equal. And to her (understandably) it's nowhere close to even. If you fully understand why she doesn't want him you have a better shot of calming her down for 1 day about it

[HollyK21]

What should happen is they either agree to act like adults or they can’t come at all. Sorry but it’s not hard to behave, put their differences aside or try avoiding each other altogether just for one day. I’d let them know that if they start any drama then they won’t hear from me for a long time because picking a fight with each other on your wedding day should be unacceptable in your eyes. Like there’s just no good reason to get into it over old situations with nothing present in the mix.

[DishLady]

Here’s the deal…


Do you WANT both of them there? Will extended family from both sides be there?


If so, avoid the Deius Table bs and just set each parent with their closer relatives… at opposite sides of the room. Diplomatic, less headache.


Or of course elope….

[AviatorTom]

Talk to both of them, together, and tell them you want both of them at your wedding. Then, tell them that it's your day and that they are not going to ruin it, which means they must be civil to each other. Finally, warn them that if either one acts up, you will have them physically removed.

[hahahmm]

You have to invite your parents because they are your parents and deserve the chance to be at your wedding. I would tell them that if there's any trouble they will be kicked out & that I'm telling them both the same thing.

And each parent can bring whoever they're with now but wedding pictures can be done in a way where it's only blood relatives in some pics. Just have it worked out with the photographer in advance.

[Drumlin2001]

Immediate thought is invite them both if one dsoent want to come that's on them.
What do you know of the separation? Was there an affair? Why was your dad not around?
Your mum seems to be causing the stress. Pity she can only think of herself on your big day

[Asker]

It was ugly because he had a drinking problem. My mom lost everything (and had to pay his debts) and we were broke. She had to work all the time. I understand it all, I know he hurt her deeply, she blames him for the way I had to grow up. But I chose to forgive. I dont ask her to do the same. Im not going to force her to talk to him. I won't force her to do parents and newly weds photo. I just want her to behave. My dad doesn't drink anymore. He got his life back. Yes, he wasn't around when i needed him most, but he is still my father. The main issue is that my mom believes that he doesn't deserve to be there. Of anything goes badly - i know it would be because of her. But I can't get married without her being there.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I'm sorry but your parents sound like really awful people. I mean, mine too have been less than stellar at best and nasty pieces of work at their worst, but they were able to be decent enough to be there in a serene way for me and my sister's weddings and important occasions.

I'd try talking to them, but I am afraid there's not much hope. Have them seated at different tables, remind them that this day is NOT about them but about you.

[nawtee_me]

This day is about you and not them. If you want them there them ask them. What they do is on them and not on you. You can have a small wedding without them and at some other time have your dream wedding. Or have your wedding without them and continue to reconcile for your kids to have grandparents.

[thatshydork]

Tell them to put aside their bs for one night if they really want to be there. If they can’t behave themselves, kick them out of the venue. This wedding is about you and your partner, not your parents.

[DryGermanGuy]

I mean, if they can't even keep it together for two or three hours at her daughter's wedding... then all hope is lost. I guess, I would appeal to their sense of decency?

[dustybiker2]

Tell them both either they respect your day or do not attend.

[andreasderjuengere]

Pick your more favourite parent to attend.

The other one may disappear in your life by itself, perhaps.

If not:

Invite the other one to your (predictably?) next wedding.

[itsannalee]

They are old enough, shouldn’t have problems not to behave in your wedding party. But if they can’t make sure it, just don’t let them come.

[beefcakebradybatson]

While I understand your concern about your estranged parents, perhaps use their trials to ensure your relationship works.

[Anonymous]

You don't need your parents there at all. Our parents were not at ours.

[Dongie]

Tell them if they are to attend they will have to behave themselves 💯 %!

[Ariesman81]

If your mother acts up and needs to be removed... could you continue to enjoy your day?

[Ariesman81]

And just so you're aware... what your mother did at your graduation is called parental alienation.
I'm glad you're reconnecting with your dad.

[noohair]

Elope and save a ton of money. Have a dinner with Dad and another dinner with Mom...

[Crazzyyworld]

Your mom is angry sugar baby and your dad is angry sugar daddy.

[Crazzyyworld]

Tell ur mom to shut the fuck up

[lightbulb27]

Two separate parties:)

[Asker]

Thought about that for a moment as well. But second party would be with him and his girlfriend then. I dont have connections with anyone else from my dad’s side.

[lightbulb27]

Thats prrfect. Small party!🎈

[WhitneySnow]

I think you should elope

[Anonymous]

Elopement sounds best

[MasterKS]

leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Dump both parents.

[Asker]

That would mean even more drama. It’s mostly my mother though.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah well your future husband isn't gonna stick around for that shit.

[Asker]

Well, he’s been through that already. Sadly, we can’t chose family 😔