What would you do if you're in your mid 30s and your parents do not approve of the person you want to marry?

[Anonymous]

I'm a Woman in my mid 30s, have a stable career and been living on my own for the past 9 years. Have zero expectations of moving back to the country where I grew up in mainly because of how well I've been doing here and don't want to be too close to my family. I'm self sufficient and financially stable in fact I currently make more money than both my parents together ever did. I've been in a committed relationship with someone for the past two years, we've been living together for more than a year too and have plans to get married and start a family in the near future but my parents especially my dad does not approve of this relationship. My Husband is equally successful, the most intelligent man I've ever met and the bond we share is rare these days. The reason why my dad dislikes him and doesn't even put any effort to get to know him is because he's from a different ethnicity. As soon as I mentioned his nationality he decided in that moment he didn't like him and started talking a bunch of sh*t about people from his country and told me I don't want that guy in my house and I told him then you're not seeing me either. Ironically I'm mixed raced and would expect him to be a bit more open minded.

Would you cut ties with your parents or have limited contact with them without sharing details of your private and personal life? I'm not leaving my Partner I'd rather be happy than be unhappy for the sake of being with someone they would approve.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I would at least tell them how hurt you were by their words and actions regarding your choice of spouse and, if they really hate it that much, you won’t send them an invitation. Your life is yours, they have no control over it and I would give them the chance to swallow their pride and acknowledge that before cutting them out completely.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[ChicoFromThe305]

You don't need their approval for your love life even tho their approval might mean a lot, it's still your life being spent with the person, the vow done in marriage is you and the guy

[Asker]

You know I'm not exactly looking for their approval here. My main concern is how is my relationship with my parents is going to be once I move forward with the marriage. Do I allow them in my life or not? One day we're going to have kids what type of relationship will my kids have with my parents? I'm not leaving my partner regardless of their opinions.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I would imagine that would depend if they eventually just fall into acceptance or not

[teamvic]

The question is, is it your life or theirs🤔

If it were me, I wouldn't care if my parents wanted me to do it or not

[Asker]

TBH I don't care much if they want it or not I'll do it regardless of their opinion. My question is mainly how's my relationship with my parents going to be after that. Do I keep in touch with them or do I cut them from my life?

[teamvic]

Depends on what you want, if you're still open to talking to them then try to keep talking to them or talk to them every now and then and if they can't get over you being with who you want to, thenn perhaps it may be time to stop trying

But at the very least, if you're open to still taking to them, then try to let them get use to the fact that you're with that person

[Ironic_Method]

Laugh at their opinions and marry who I want.

[Asker]

That's what I'm gonna do regardless of their opinion. But what's the right thing to do afterwards? Still allow them in my life? Or just have limited contact with them?

[Ironic_Method]

That's dependent on your relationship with them, how they handle it, and if it's worth it to keep them in your life.

I haven't talked to my dad in years and it feels amazing.

[Asker]

Over the years I've decided to distance myself from my Dad. My relationship with my Mom is lovely tho. Because I live in another country our way of communication is mostly through video calls that may happen once a month or not and I always feel so triggered by him I just can't help it. Best thing I did was move to another country.

[Ironic_Method]

That's good to hear that it's been working for you. I moved out of state and still will see my lovely mother for holidays, so I get that. Glad someone else's life is improving by doing the same.

[jahaims]

Why would I care what my parents say

[Asker]

Is not so much about what my parents is is more about how's my relationship with my parents is going to be after I get married. If they're still mad and continue to disapprove is it inconsiderate of me to cut them of my life completely or is best to keep limited contact with them.