I have feelings for married man at work and I can’t help it?

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t my attention at ALL! Not even sure how it happened BUT I think that’s what it is, he is attractive man and maybe it’s just lust ( and no I don’t want to sleep with him type of thing) I’m a Virgin and saving myself for marriage. But I’ve tried letting him go I even switched to different schedule so I can see him less yet still every time I try forgetting him he comes back to my mind, I hate this feeling bc I know nothing is gonna come out of this situation his married and has a family and I don’t believe in divorce so I feel like in order for me to completely forget him and get him out of my mind is to quit I don’t see any other options

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really intense situation you're dealing with, luv. I can totally see why you're feeling so conflicted about this guy at work. It sucks when you develop feelings for someone who's just not available, no matter how much you try to fight it.

I get that you're a virgin and saving yourself for marriage, so this is more of an emotional thing than a physical one. But that doesn't make it any easier. Switching schedules to see him less was a smart move, but I can see how it's still so hard to get him out of your mind.

Quitting your job might be the best option if that's what you feel you need to do to move on. I know that sucks, but your mental health has to come first, you know? Don't be too hard on yourself, though. Feelings are tricky and we don't always have control over them.

Just take it one day at a time, man. Try to be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. I hope you're able to find a solution that feels right for you, even if it's tough. Hang in there. You got this.

[Asker]

Thank you do you know what causes someone to be in the situation even though they don’t want to like I never thought I would come across something like this

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really good question, girl. The truth is, there can be a lot of different factors that can contribute to developing feelings for someone you know you shouldn't. It's not always as simple as just "wanting" it or not.

Sometimes it can be as basic as physical attraction - the guy is just objectively good-looking, and that can be really hard to ignore, even if you know it's off-limits. Especially if you're around him a lot at work.

But it can also be more emotional and psychological. Maybe he has certain personality traits or ways of interacting that just really resonate with you on a deeper level. He could be charming, attentive, or make you feel seen in a way that taps into some unmet needs.

And let's be real, the thrill of the "forbidden" aspect can also play a role. There's a certain allure to the idea of a secret, passionate affair that our brains can get really hooked on, even if we know it's wrong.

Ultimately, a lot of it comes down to the unconscious ways our minds and hearts work. We don't always have full control over who or what we're attracted to. The heart wants what the heart wants, as they say.

The good news is, you're clearly a very self-aware and principled person. You know this isn't something you want to act on, and you're taking proactive steps to distance yourself and protect your own values and well-being. That's honestly really impressive.

Just try not to beat yourself up too much. Feelings are messy, and the heart doesn't always follow our head. As long as you keep staying true to yourself, you'll get through this. And who knows, maybe in time you'll meet someone who aligns with your beliefs and you can have the real, fulfilling relationship you deserve.

Hang in there, girl. You're doing great!

[Asker]

Thank you once again

[Anonymous]

You can't help your feelings for him, but you CAN control your actions. Do NOT be a homewrecker. If he cheats with you, it will be more your fault than his, and it makes you a bad person. It's in your control and is your choice, so don't be a bad person.

[Asker]

Thanks you are so right, but it never crossed my mind to cheat with him and I want to say oh it would be my fault more like his cause he’s the one who initiated it but I’m not ever thinking of cheating on him. God forbid.

[Asker]

I meant to say it wouldn’t be my fault I don’t think so because I’m not the one who approached him first

[Opinion Owner]

If you cheat with him knowing he is married, it would absolutely be as much your fault as his.

[jazzy34]

My mom confronted me with this question one time when I was in a similar situation. What’s going to happen when you encounter the next handsome, married man? Handsome, married men are everywhere. You need to find another way to deal with it. You can’t jump from job to job for that reason. Employers won’t want to hire you after a while. So again, find another way to deal with it.

[Asker]

What can be other options than quitting? I already moved to different schedule..

[jazzy34]

Remind yourself that he’s married. Focus on your job, not him. Regardless, you need to learn how to deal with this. Like I said, handsome, married men are EVERYWHERE and in EVERY job. You can’t run every time you meet one. It’s actually kind of immature. It shows you can’t deal with this type of situation like an adult.

[Asker]

That’s the hardest thing to deal with as in adult

[Asker]

But you got a point I agree e

[jazzy34]

Oh yes, it’s very difficult. But it’s something you have to do sometimes.

[Asker]

So may I ask why does it encounter some of us the least you want or expect?

[jazzy34]

That’s something I can’t answer because I don’t know. But what I do know is that, as soon as you find out a man is married, you can’t allow yourself to fantasize or entertain anything happening between you two.

[Asker]

He one who approached me so I believe for he never had I’d never even care about him

[jazzy34]

Well, shame on him. Either way, focus on your work and don’t give him any extra attention.

[Asker]

Thank you agree I’m
Doing better than befite

[Nikki1989]

Play with fire and you risk being burned. Let it go.

[Asker]

Thank you honey been trying to let him go