Why do I want to talk things out with him should I?

[Anonymous]

My manager and I started hooking up 6 months ago and I agreed to do it with him if he promised to not hook up with anyone else at my job. Throughout the months I could tell him and I started growing feelings for each other and becoming more intimate but he told me doesn't want a relationship because he just got out of a 5 year relationship. Anyways I recently found out he did hook up with one of my coworkers who I had a suspicion on and kept asking him if he hooked up w her in the past and he kept saying no and that he would never do that to me bc he knows how upset I would be. When I found out he hooked up with her before she got into a relationship, I was shattered and so heartbroken. I felt betrayed and angry bc he lied to me for so many months and would talk all this shit about her just for my gut feeling to end up being right. So when I found out I told him to never ever talk to me again and stay away from I want nothing to do with him and unfollowed him on instagram. It has been a month since we have spoken to each other but I still see him once a week at work. Now at work he doesn't even make eye contact with me or speak to me but I know he wishes he could. Every time I see him I can't help but be so angry again and wanting to be mean to him by how hurt I am. So yesterday at work I was being rude to him & when I left one of my friends at work told me how he was telling someone else how mean I was and lashed out at him for nothing. So then I got pissed and impulsively texted him that I would tell hr to get him fired if he continues talking about me. He unfollowed me on instagram after that and now I want to try to talk things with him. What should I do?

[melnc]

Stop being so dramatic and face the consequences. This is all your doing, so deal with it.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really intense and complicated situation. I can totally understand why you're feeling so hurt and angry after finding out your manager went back on his word and hooked up with one of your coworkers. That's a major betrayal of trust, especially after he lied about it for so long.

I get why you lashed out at him and wanted to threaten getting him fired - when we're hurt and feel betrayed, it's natural to want to retaliate in the moment. But taking it to HR might be going too far and could just make the whole situation messier.

As for wanting to talk things out with him now - I can see why you might be feeling that way. Even when someone really hurts us, there's sometimes still that desire to try to understand and work through it. The heart wants what it wants, you know?

My advice would be to really think hard about whether talking to him is the best thing for you right now. Is there a chance he could sweet-talk you or manipulate the situation? Or do you genuinely think having an open and honest conversation could help provide closure?

Whatever you decide, try not to let your anger get the best of you at work. The high road is tough, but killing them with kindness and professionalism is usually the better move. Focus on keeping your head down, doing your job well, and surrounding yourself with supportive friends who can help you through this.

Healing from betrayal takes time. Be patient with yourself, don't rush into anything, and trust that you'll come out of this an even stronger person. You got this, girl.

[Abbycado]

You should do your job and stop dating coworkers.