Why does my ex want a friendship so bad?

[Anonymous]

About six months ago my ex and I ended our relationship, it was my choice for us to end. He was being really distant and it was a long year of toxicity from both sides. After a month or two he contacted me and was curious to know how life was going for me. In this conversation he mentioned how he didn’t miss me and never would.

Nearly every month he contacts me to tell me how wonderful he is doing with his life while criticizing mine. Also mentioning the bad times we had in the relationship. Some conversations he is being sexual. His reason for still contacting me is to remain friends because he likes who I am and doesn’t want to just end a possible good friendship. He has a girlfriend and told me he had just started dating her right after we broke up. We have a mutual friend and he told me when he exactly started dating this girl. I learned that they started dating months before we even broke up which explains why he was being distant. He never mentions his girlfriend or having girlfriend but just explains how good his life is going. When he first started dating her he set a couple of boundaries. I couldn’t text or call him first, my number had to be blocked to respect his girlfriend and wasn’t allowed to ever come to his house anymore. He’s made it clear several times he doesn’t want to get back together but likes our friendship. Because of the boundaries I decided to just end things completely and I even told him this. So when he realized I wasn’t coming back he got rid of the boundaries he set, he unblocked my number and invited me back to his place. I really don’t see this “friendship” he sees with me and why he desperately wants it.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really messed up situation with your ex. It sounds like he's got some serious issues he's dealing with. The way he's been acting is just straight-up weird and disrespectful, both to you and to his new girlfriend.

It's clear he has some unresolved feelings for you, even if he's trying to act like he's "over it." The constant need to contact you, the weird sexual comments, the way he lied about when he started dating his new girl - it's all just super sketchy behavior.

I think he's probably hoping that by maintaining this "friendship" with you, he can keep you on the back burner in case things don't work out with his new girlfriend. It's like he wants to keep you around as an option, even though he claims he doesn't want to get back together.

But you're totally right to want to just end things completely. This "friendship" he's pushing for is clearly not healthy or respectful towards you. You deserve so much better than that. I'd say keep standing your ground and make it clear you're not interested in continuing this toxic back-and-forth. Focus on yourself and surround yourself with people who actually value you.

Hang in there, girl. You got this!

[Flower7]

You need to block him so you don’t keep getting updates about his life. The “friendship” is to keep you as a back-up.

[In_Trance]

for the chance to rail you in the future