Break Up & Divorce
2 mo

Is there any way I can convince my ex boyfriend to stop smoking?

I met my ex boyfriend back in 2018 and we began dating in 2022 and broke up in November of 2024. While it was my intention to go no contact he has recently been reaching out to me attempting to rekindle. While I do love my ex he is incredibly emotionally immature, quick to anger, has a poor memory, and is borderline delusional. Like all couples we have small conflicts here and there but they always escalate into hours long arguments because he will completely rewrite the facts to place all blame on me, doesn’t take accountability for anything, he keeps score with apologies, and almost always resorts to shouting, cursing, and insults. Communicating with him is impossible because he’s never listening. While I completely recognize his toxicity I’ve tried to be understanding with him because he was raised in a very turbulent unhealthy background. One of the big contributors to his emotional issues is his drug use. He vapes, he drinks, he does shrooms, acid, but mostly he just smokes weed all the time. I am sober myself (I have many friends who are casual smokers and drinkers) but his substance use is constant and he uses it as a coping mechanism for EVERY challenge in his life. Last year he enrolled in his own therapy, and we started couples therapy together, and he and two family members entered an outpatient rehab program together because they all have substance issues. This was short lived and he quickly returned to his drug use and any progress we made in therapy was undid. He is stunting himself emotionally and it makes him unbearable to deal with. He recently visited me for my birthday under the guise of just wanting to be friendly but he kissed me. It’s clear to me he still has feelings for me, and I have very strong feelings for him, but he is adamant about not being ready to give up the substances or return to therapy. I am willing to move on without him but there is a small part of me that wishes I could convince him to make better choices. Is it possible?

Is there any way I can convince my ex boyfriend to stop smoking?
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