How can I get my boyfriend to stop smoking cigars and pipe?

[muchacho]

I didn't know whether to put this in relationships or health so I went here. My boyfriend who is 18, "causally," smokes. He smoked cigarettes(but told me he would stop yesterday. He now smokes things like cigars, but he's been relying on pipes, stogies, and goes the the hookah lounge too. I mostly think its because of friend of his from Texas came to town. It it's been really bothering me because it was almost every night this week. I want him to quit, but I realize that is not right to ask of him. I told him I'm fine with casual smoking as long as it isn't around me and its not too often. But I've just been having nightmares about him being sick or something. Nightmares of me trying to talk about it and him getting mad. I'm very insecure about being annoying and I don't want to be like that control freak girlfriend. But I've done some research and apparently, they're just as bad as cigarettes. I'm so worried this boy if going to be addicted and have problems later in life. I really see him as a Hoyt that I can stay with for a very long time and he sees that too, but I'm so worried about him getting sick and dying. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without him. He's a diabetic so I already worry enough because does not check himself too often. I'm so worried, I want to talk about it to him, but I don't want to be too over bearing and controlling and drive him away, but I'm really concerned for his well being if he gets addicted. Even if I'm not with him in the future, I don't want him to go down that road. I'd be fine if he was a casual smoker, but casual smoking to me if every few weeks or months, not every night on a weekend your were supposed to spend with me. How do I talk to him about this?

Updates

+1 y

We've been dating for seven, almost eight months and he haven't really fought at all, just gotten irritated with each other. I don't want this to be something to fight over and push him away. Guys, how would you feel if your girl asked you this?

[madhatters4]

you should feel OK telling him that you are not OK with smoking. it is a preference and it is both unattractive and unhealthy and those are both issues to you.

Yes smoking cigars and pipes are just as bad if not worse than cigarettes and the biggest issue is that they are not going to ween him off the nicotine which is what he is addicted to and why he simply replaced one tobacco product with another... There is less tar and less nicotine in hookahs but still both the addictive factor and the health factors are at risk in hookah smoking

The problem with saying he can be a casual smoker is that for people who are addicted (and it sounds like your dude is) casual smoking is nearly impossible. As a former smoker I've tried casual smoking and I find it nearly impossible to do without wanting a cigarette more often.

Your best bet though is simply have a in depth convo about what you can and can't deal with. Tell him that you love him and don't want to control him but at the same time you simply cannot accept dating a smoker. hopefully he can understand that it's really his choice and he has to make the decision and figure out a way to deal with his smoking habit

[madhatters4]

any update? did you talk to him? how are things going?

[MrOracle]

He's not "casually" smoking; he's addicted, just like most people who smoke. That's why he is just moving from one thing to another: he's not really reducing his smoking any.

Very simply, he enjoys smoking and he's addicted and he doesn't want to stop. You need to accept that about him, because it's the real truth. You can't change him, you can only change yourself, so if this isn't acceptable to you, then the only thing you can really do is break up with him. Maybe the loss of you will motivate him to quit, and maybe it won't, but that's really your only leverage, and you have to be prepared to move on and find someone else if he doesn't quickly come around.

[valkillerbaby]

I don't get it, why does he have to stop smoking? It's unhealthy? Yes, but it isn't as dangerous for smokers than second hand smoke. Also, seems like he always smoked from time to time before you meat, so why do you wanna change him? And why do you talk about him smoking as if it's a handicap? If you didn't want a boyfriend that smokes than why him? If you like him, maybe you should just accept it and I understand why you're worrying but people make choices in life and he made his.

"but he's been relying on pipes, stogies, and goes the the hookah lounge too". This I didn't get, is he smoking mj too?

Anyway, my point is he is who he is and it seems like he was what he is now, just not as casual anymore. If you're so worried, you should talk to him, like ask him about it. You'll not come across as control freak if you just have a conversation delicately about this matter. You will if you tell him to stop. If he say he likes it and don't wanna stop, you gotta either accept that or give the boot if this annoys you SOOO MUUUCH.

[muchacho]

Cigars are just as unhealthy as secondhand smoke. The secondhand smoke you get from cigarettes is bad because it has no filter at the end. Cigars have no filter at all. And no, he isn't smoking mj, he's told me he's tried legal and doesn't like it. I would like for him to stop or smoke less because of the dangers of it. I'm really scared to loose him in anyway, he's really the only person I have. We plan to be together for a long time and I don't want to loose him because of it.

[valkillerbaby]

You plan to be together for a long time means you gotta make some compromises as much as he does. But he can't compromise smoking that easily cause one only stops smoking when he desires it truly and not when doing it because of someone else they love. Just accept it. He may as well quit sooner or later but if you love him, why change him then? He seems to have been a casual smoker before you and now he's smoking a bit more...I understand you're worried but it's his choice, he knows the dangers.

[Phoenix98]

Pipes and cigars are really not that bad I belong to a place of about 4,000 pipe smokers many of them 60+ years old and in perfect health. By the way the deathrate of pipe smokers is same as non smokers or lower if you don't inhale.

[arifmoin2]

Whenever he wants to smoke in your presence, try and distract him w. what he likes positively. You can't really point an AK-47 on his head, and neither can you control him when you are not looking. The best thing you can do is to try and distract him w. an activity he enjoys before he lights up a cig.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You cannot force someone to do something they don't want to do. ESPECIALLY a smoker.

[muchacho]

I don't want to force him, but to simply advise that he stops and takes that advice. I would never force him, and its not something to break with him over. I'm worried about the health risks and if he gets anymore addicted to it, I don't want to be kissing somebody whose got stained teeth and bad breath and always smells bad. He thinks only cigs do that but it's cigars too. I just want to advise him is all, not force.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Do you think he's that unaware of the effects of smoking? He's not an idiot. He gets it.

[muchacho]

Yeah, but he's not aware that cigars are just as bad as cigs. Any tobacco is bad. He thinks that you won't get addicted to cigars and stuff like that because of no nicotine but cigars have more nicotine than cigs. And they cause the same cancers. He thinks they're so much better and healthy tho

[Anonymous]

You can't change a person's habit.