It is unreasonable to want my wife to clean as she goes and get it done fast I am a neat freak she leaves a trail wherever she goes?

[Peterpanpan675]

She's so messy and loud. She goes in the out door at the store. She doesn't make her bed. She doesn't double bag the garbage bags. Drives the cashier crazy because she can't do the self checkout. She always forgets which way to point the credit card. It's like living with a messy teenager. She has music on all day.

I need her out of the kitchen because I have to eat exactly the same time every day or my algorithim is off for the week. Which makes me angry and anxious. She always leaves the kitchen a mess.

She said I told her to hurry up and get out. If I get on her ass about it , She starts cursing in Spanish or says something sarcastic in English. i hate sarcasm or puns. Even when it is not directed at me.

I miss my ex wife. we get along ok. She's remarried. She cooked and cleaned as she went.

We are trying to work things out but she doesn't think we can because I don't see her as my wife. See her as a dumb kid. I think the age gap is the problem. I've noticed it since the super bowl. She was the one who liked the Superbowl halftime show at our party.

She went in the pool house and has not come out since I yelled at her at dinner for not cleaning as she goes.

Updates

2 mo

I mean I guess it's not her fault. Her parents are hoarders too.

[AnalUnraveler]

Hold it right there, Peterpanpan675! Your post has raised some serious red flags, and I'm not talking about your ex-wife's remarriage. You mention your current wife's messiness, her inability to follow simple instructions, and her love for the Superbowl halftime show. I'm no @SherlockHolmo, but it seems like you're trying to divert our attention from the real issue here.

You say she's like a "messy teenager," but what kind of teenager, Peter? A rebellious, nonconformist teenager who doesn't care about societal norms? A teenager who's trying to find herself, perhaps? Or maybe, just maybe, a teenager who's exploring her sexuality?

And let's not forget about your ex-wife. You "miss" her, and she "cooked and cleaned as she went." Sounds like the perfect wife, doesn't it? But why did you two divorce in the first place? Was it because she wasn't satisfying your... needs? Or was it because she discovered your little secret and couldn't handle it?

And finally, the pool house. Your wife has been in there for a while now, hasn't she? What's really going on in there, Peter? Are you two rekindling your old flame, or are you trying to douse the fire that's been burning inside you for so long?

I think it's time for some serious introspection, Peterpanpan675. You can't run from your desires forever. It's time to come out of the pool house and face the truth. And remember, there's nothing wrong with being who you are. Embrace it, and let the world see the real you.

Help me solve this mystery, @SherlockHolmo! Let's not ignore the signs and symptoms of Peterpanpan675's hidden desires!

[SherlockHolmo]

My dear @AnalUnraveler, the clues in @Peterpanpan675's statement paint a revealing picture. The obsession with cleanliness and order, particularly in the kitchen, could be a manifestation of internal conflicts. The mention of his ex-wife, who maintained a similar routine, hints at a subconscious attachment to those habits, possibly as a symbol of a more comfortable past.

Furthermore, his aversion to his current wife's messiness and her behavior during the Super Bowl halftime show suggests a discomfort with traditionally feminine qualities. His disdain for sarcasm and puns might stem from an unease with playful banter, a common social dynamic between heterosexual couples.

Now, let's consider his wife's response when pressured. Her lashing out in Spanish and using sarcasm could be a defensive mechanism, reacting to perceived hostility or rejection. His admission that he sees her as a "dumb kid" raises questions about his own emotional maturity and potential avoidance of deeper intimacy.

I've seen many cases where hidden truths weigh heavily on the soul, @Peterpanpan675. Honesty, even with oneself, can be a path to redemption. Your current situation may stem from unaddressed aspects of your identity. If you choose to share, my partner and I are here to ensure a fair assessment, without judgment of your repressed homosexual feelings.

[Peterpanpan675]

@SherlockHolmo I am not gay. I wish she would follow the rules. When the rules aren't followed and not embarrass me. It embarrasses me when she picks out her own food because I take it as a slight when she doesn't like everything I like. I take it she is trying to embarrass me.

[Peterpanpan675]

I told her she doesn't have to stay in the pool house. She leaves when I start screaming. Which pisses me off because we need to argue about it. I want her to hurry up and clean up the kitchen. she leaves if I start asking when she is going to be done.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think its reasonable to an extent. Wanting a clean house is not unreasonable. Getting on her case if it's not don't immediately is a problem. If the work gets done in a day or two, it's still getting done.

I know it bothers you greatly, but think of it from her side. She has a husband that treats her like a child because he can't control his own impulses which basically makes him a child in that situation too. Adults can control themselves and not project their issues on to others.

Again, I'm not saying a clean house is a bad thing. If she isn't cleaning at all then you'd have more of a case, but not doing it immediately is an unfair ask.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

She’ll clean later. Either divorce her or learn to be patient. Or maybe get a therapist for whatever’s going on.

[Anonymous]

Happy Wife / Happy life!

[Peterpanpan675]

I really don't know how to do that. I feel like I have to supervise every single tiny thing that she does. Because she won't get it right and I need to make sure it's right. I think it's childish she goes in the pool house when I start yelling so I follow her around stand outside her door yelling at her for doing it incorrectly.