What can you do to repair broken trust in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend got caught hiding some really important aspect of his life from me even after 3 years of dating. While the lie was not fatal, it’s making me feel like I don’t really know who I’ve been dating all these time because it was a huge part of his life that he hid from me. He really wants to make it up to me and have been super open/honest but I’m having a hard time fully trusting him again. Any tips for both him and I to repair the broken trust?

[Summeroflove]

There are some things that maybe shouldn’t be rebuilt and if someone’s lying over stuff then that’s a major red flag. If people lie over especially trivial things you have to imagine they lie over major things.

If you want to save it it’s going to take open communication on both ends and you’re going to have to be brutally honest about the way you feel. If he can’t take it and reciprocate a normal conversation then maybe it isn’t worth it.

[Asker]

Yes you get it. It got me questioning whether or not he’s been lying about other things. I can understand why he chose to hide his past though, even though all his friends are well aware of it. His friends never really bothered to mention it to me because they didn’t think it was really anything important so they figured that my boyfriend would come clean to me first thing when we started dating.

I have expressed to him that I can’t 100% trust him just yet and I’ll be needing his help to rebuild that trust. But… I’m struggling with overthinking and all that “what ifs”

[Summeroflove]

The issue with people hiding their past is many people will pretend to be someone they’re not. Some people want to live best of both worlds as where others want someone for more nefarious reasons.

Some people will for instance pretend to be more religious then they are to lock someone down and play the God card on them. Saying God would want you doing this or doing that.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I would be thinking the same thing. If you’re just miserable maybe it’s best to break it off. If he’s a good genuine man whose just made some poor decisions with you. Maybe he will be happy with someone else if he can build that trust.

But your happiness also matters. I don’t know his intentions but it’s definitely questionable.

[Asker]

I think I will give myself some time to at least attempt to repair the broken trust and come to terms with his deceit. So far he’s done a 180 and have been truthful/transparent with me, but I’m still struggling about overthinking the past and the early stages of our relationship.

I did ask him why he felt the need to cover up that part of his life from me and he said he was being immature and was scared that it might cause drama. I wished he would’ve told me sooner though, I’ll be uncomfortable by hey at least it’s the truth

[Summeroflove]

I understand asker but you’re going to have to keep communicating where you’re at as well as making sure he’s not putting on a facade.

[Asker]

For sure, it’s gonna be a two way street. Just going to give it some time I guess. Thank you for the insight though, I really appreciate it!

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[Nikki1989]

The person who broke the trust must fully acknowledge their actions and the pain they caused. Until that happens, nothing can be done.

[Asker]

He’s already crossed that off the list so we’re good in that department at least

[DrPepper12]

If you can't move on quickly.
Gay/Bi?
Prison?
Porn/OF?
Married before?
Has kids?
Addict?

[Asker]

Sorry I’m not really getting this?

[DrPepper12]

What was he hiding? An I even close?

[Asker]

Ohh okay I get it. None of those thankfully, I think if he were to lie about any of those things then it’ll be an immediate break up. It has something to do with his ex and their lives together as a couple basically