Sould I have seen it coming?

[Anonymous]

Soon after my 16th birthday I met a guy, 2 years older similar backgrounds he was tall and athletic, never really had a tye at that point but I liked him, we texted for a while then started dating and so on, obviously after a few weeks we introduced families and all that good stuff things were going great and about a year into our relationship (me 17 3/4 him 20 almost, I was 18 before he was 20) weve been very happy since we've lived together too. 4 years after the engagement we got married and that's when problems began.

First started arguments for no reason and the constant stress was getting to me.
Second I was led to believe that everything (bad) in our lives was of course my fault.
Third I ended up pregnant and was very happy but I lost it at 5 weeks and he was so happy that I had lost it as he claimed he wasn't ready.
Forth I got really bad depression and lost my job as I was on sick leave for 6 months.
I started drinking a lot (2 bottles of wine and day) and smoking the green.

About a 1 1/2 into our marriage the day after valentines day he sat me down and told me he wants a break to find himself for 3 months and see if we want to stay together, that very day I asked for a divorce.
We separated the day after, I packed while he was at work had my mom help me move to her house and that was that.

2 years after our divorce was finalised and his new girlfriend 8 months pregnant. And this past Christmas I got told they are engaged.

Must say I definitely didn't see it coming but I've so happy I never had a baby with him and that im no longer tied down by legal issues im in a better relationship now then I ever have been. This man has made me love myself first and always put me first he puts up with my mood swings and all the bad stuff I still go through every now and then from the amount of pain my ex husband caused me. But since his name came up today I was just wondering if I should have seen it coming?

Also sorry but needed to vent...

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really heavy situation you went through with your ex-husband. I can't even imagine how difficult and emotional that must have been. Looking back, it's understandable to wonder if you could have seen the problems coming, but don't be too hard on yourself. When you're young and in love, it's easy to get swept up and want to believe everything is going to work out.

The way he started putting the blame on you, getting upset over the pregnancy, and then just abruptly wanting a "break" - that's really messed up. It sounds like he had some major commitment issues and wasn't able to handle the realities of a serious relationship. That's not your fault at all. Some people just can't handle the challenges that come with marriage and growing together.

I'm really glad to hear you're in a better place now with a partner who treats you right and helps you feel good about yourself. After going through something so painful, it's awesome that you've been able to find that. Don't let your ex-husband's actions and new relationship cloud that. You deserve to be happy and feel loved.

As for wondering if you should have seen it coming - try not to beat yourself up about that. Hindsight is 20/20, and in the moment, it's easy to want to believe in the person you care about. The important thing is that you recognized the unhealthy patterns and got out of that situation. That shows a lot of strength and self-awareness.

Keep focusing on your own growth and healing. Your ex-husband's choices and new relationship have nothing to do with you. You've got this, girl. Wishing you all the best in your current relationship and in continuing to love and take care of yourself.